The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. C

*cue elaborate fanfare*

We did it, folks.  100 Episodes of the greatest Holiday Vinyl review series on the World Wide Web (I assume - I doubt there's another asshole out there doing this.)

Because this is a special event (of sorts), I decided to mix things up a little bit with this installment.  It felt like too much of an honor for any shitty, old Christmas album pulled out of a dollar bin at a local record store to be scrutinized on this 100th Episode.  So, instead, I decided to re-evaluate a few of the past installments that were deemed acceptable enough to remain in my collection, but are now getting donated.

Bottom line is I'm running out of room in my Christmas Music crate - some of these mediocre LPs needed to be liquidated in order to make room for new additions later on down the road.  And, odds are, we'll be having another one of these mass-execution episodes in a few years - I can't just keep buying records and keeping them.  Kris would kill me.

So, without further adieu, here's the list of those old relics that are being taken out to pasture:

Album Title:  Remembering Christmas with the Big Bands

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Featured On:  Ep. 2 (Nov. 23, 2015)

Rating:  6

This album wasn't terrible, per se, but in the seven years since I reviewed this one I haven't put it on the turntable to listen to once.  Not once.  Jazz is one of those genres where you have to be in the right mood for it, and when that rare mood arises during the Holiday season when I feel like listening to jazz, I usually gravitate towards the likes of the Vince Guaraldi Trio, Sinatra, or Bing.  Sorry, Glenn Miller and Co., but the ship has sailed for you guys.

I'm sure there are thousands of World War II vets rolling in their graves over this decision, but whatever.

Album Title:  Your Favorite Christmas Music, Volume 4

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Featured On:  Ep. 6 (Dec. 1, 2015)

Rating:  6

Another perfect example of 'this is okay, but I have other LPs that are better.'  This compilation from the good people over at Firestone (seriously, what the f***) is fine example of contemporary '50s/60s music that was all the rage back in the day, but was over-shadowed by the counter-culture surge of Rock and Roll and 'the negro music.'  Traditional artists doing larger-than-necessary renditions of Christmas classics.  I honestly can't believe I gave this one a '6' seven years ago - had I reviewed this today it would probably be a '4' or a '5,' but back then I was new-ish at analyzing Christmas albums and was a little nicer when giving out scores.  Now that I'm a grumpy old man, I realize that this sounds like so many other boring Holiday albums I've reviewed over the years, and it has no business being in my record collection.

Sorry, (Mary Poppins.)

Album Title:  Enchantment of Christmas

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Featured On:  Ep. 10 (Dec. 8, 2015)

Rating:  7

This one is actually pretty good, and I don't have anything negative to really say about it - it's a great compilation of 50s/60s Christmas music.  Unfortunately, this version is in that VG/G+ range in terms of sound quality: no skips or pops, but some definite surface noise, and if I'm going to hold on to a record I want to make sure I have a decent copy of it.  More than that, however, is the fact that I already have every, last one of these songs on a multi-record, boxed set that's in NM condition, so owning this LP is, honestly, kinda redundant. 

Album Title:  The Little Drummer Boy

Album Artist:  The Abbey Chorale

Featured On:  Ep. 17 (Dec. 20, 2015)

Rating:  6

This one I felt bad about getting rid of at first, but then I realized the error in my ways back in 2015.  See, when I first reviewed this one, I wrongly assumed that this version of 'The Little Drummer Boy' was the definitive one - the classic one from the 1950's that everyone knows.  I can't be faulted too much for that, because it sounds nearly identical, but the version I was thinking about was the famous rendition by The Harry Simeone Chorale (1958.)  That (better) version I already own on an existing Holiday compilation, so there's no reason for me owning an album such as this if the only reason I'm doing so is because of that song.  The rest of the album is okay - like I said before, it's churchy, but done well - but I've rarely listened to it in the years since reviewing it the first time.  

I don't get the need to listen to church music very often (if ever), so this one's getting pitched as well.

Album Title:  What if Mozart Wrote Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas?

Album Artist:  The Hampton String Quartet

Featured On:  Ep. 22 (Dec. 1, 2016)

Rating:  6

I love Classical music, and I love Christmas music, so this one should be a knock out of the park, but it just doesn't work for me.  I've actually listened to this one on occasion since hearing it for the first time back in 2016, and every time I do so I get bored with it.  It's a cool enough concept in theory, but the execution doesn't leave one with feeling the Yuletide vibes at all.  Most of the songs on here require active listening in order to identify a familiar Holiday melody, and that kinda dampens this one on the ol' Fun scale.

Album Title:  A Merry Christmas to You

Album Artist:  David Rose and His Orchestra

Featured On:  Ep. 71 (Dec. 8, 2020)

Rating:  6

This is a pretty solid instrumental album, and sounds like the orchestral, backing music to any one of the countless '50s compilations I've reviewed in the past.  It sounds like the sort of music Sinatra or Bing sang over, and it's mixed well - great background music for the Holiday season.  That being said, this copy is in pretty rough shape, and I have other instrumental albums that I gravitate more towards during the Holiday season.  Like I stated originally, there aren't a lot of highs and lows on this album to keep the listener engaged:  the medleys keep things from getting too boring, but a lot of it starts to sound the same after awhile.  All in all, I'd recommend it for sure if a.) you have a decent copy and b.) don't have anything else similar in your collection.

Album Title:  Christmas with The Canadian Brass and the Great Organ of St. Patrick's Cathedral

Album Artist:  The Canadian Brass

Featured On:  Ep. 90 (Dec. 15, 2021)

Rating:  6

How this LP still works is beyond me - it's not bad at all, but it's not necessarily great either.  It's just okay.  Like all of the other albums in today's post, there's not a lot to complain about, but there are better options in my collection, and I have to trim fat from somewhere.  I held on to this one because of the sheer balls of the brass section - it's not a sound you hear often on a Christmas album, so last year I deemed it was worth holding on to.  I would probably still be holding on to it if I hadn't just had my socks blown off a few days ago when reviewing this similar-but-better, brass-heavy Christmas album.

VERDICT:  n/a (We bid farewell to a few mediocre installments from the previous seven or eight years that were once deemed good enough to remain in Holiday Rotation, but shall now walk The Green Mile in order to make room for new additions in the coming years.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XCVIII

It's been a loooong time comin', folks, but I do believe we finally have ourselves a winner here with this one. . .

Album Title:  Winter Wonderland

Album Artist:  The Brass Band

Good God.  I almost didn't think we'd ever find ourselves back in the realm of 'decent' music again, as we've been trudging through the muck and mire of the usual 3 - 5 range for over a year now.  This one, for sure, came as a shocker - didn't think this would be the one to get us back on track.

I mean, I picked this up from Radio Wasteland earlier in the year with zero expectations.  Campy '60s album cover art, generic title and track listing, no back information on the band or production to speak of, the subtle mention of 'brass,' etc. I assumed this was going to be just another offering of louder-than-needed brass, playing traditional Christmas songs.  Maybe I'd write up something witty about the fact that the lady on the album cover looks like she dipped her hand in wet cement and the cheap album art people tried to pass it off as 'snow.'  You know, that old trope. 

Now, when it comes to '60s instrumental albums (such as this one), I've found that 'brass' can mean one of four things:  traditional marches, Dixieland jazz, Tijuana jazz, or polka.

This one, believe it or not, is all four combined.  

Not only that, dear readers, but most of the time these musicians are switching back and forth between styles multiples times within the same song.  Sometimes a part of song comes across like Tijuana/Herb Alpert-ish Latin brass, but then other times it ditches everything South of the Border and instead makes a beeline straight for the whorehouses of 'Nawlins for some good ol' fashioned Dixieland jazz.  Then, next thing you know, there's a marimba trill, the tempo slows, and suddenly the Latin vibe kicks right back up again.  All within the same song.

It shouldn't work - from a musical standpoint, this is suicide - but holy shit, guys.  This one has restored my faith in humanity.

So, taking a closer look at the sound of this release, this album is definitely your stereotypical, full-band, '60s instrumental, featuring accents of the usual marimbas, surf guitar, bongos, etc.  But first and foremost, of course is the big, ballsy brass band, which takes front and center stage as it ducks-and-weaves through marches, polkas, sambas, tangos, cha-cha, you name it.  

What's crazy is that this album is so good I tried to find out who exactly did the recording of this album so I could add the album to one of my Amazon 'Holiday' playlists.  Sadly, there's no information on the back of the album to speak of - just a listing of other Holiday offerings from some obscure, likely-out-of-business record company.  Wikipedia had nothing on them (Gene Riley'd once again, folks), but neither did Google: all I found was a random Youtube video playing the album with the cover art as the video image, with the caption 'Forgotten LPs.'

Not a good sign.

Sadly, there are only ten short tracks on this offering, and each of the songs is somewhat short, which means this is a fast listen.  In other bad news, I'm going to have to get another copy of this pressing off of Discogs, because there's a pop on Track 1 of Side B of my copy that lasts about five or six seconds, juuuust enough to piss me off.  And something as unique as this LP requires a silent pressing, guys - something Near Mint, for sure.  Fortunately I was able to find a suitable copy easily enough (for $2.99 plus $6 shipping, if that tells you anything), so that problem will be remedied soon.

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome (The long-awaited Sleeper Hit of the season, coming out of left-field armed with an unknown 'Brass Band' that doesn't care in the slightest what kind of music you wanted to listen to before, you're gonna listen to what they're gonna play now and you're gonna like it.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XC

Don thee now thy festive jam-pants, children. . . 

Album Title:  Christmas with The Canadian Brass and the Great Organ of St. Patrick's Cathedral

Album Artist:  The Canadian Brass

Picked this lil' baby up at Radio Wasteland a few weeks ago, and for $2 - a click up from the dusty Dollar Bin, if you will, but still cheap enough that if you listened to it once and promptly discarded it you wouldn't feel sick to your stomach.  The cover art looked, to me, chintzy enough that it might make an entertaining album review at the very least.  I'm fine dropping a couple bucks for an hour of Yuletide audio scrutinizing.

Well, what we're faced with here is a pretty interesting record, to say the least.  I'll just come out and say it right out of the gate, folks:  this one ain't half bad.  Surprising, to say the least, considering the holly, jolly group of assholes we have on the cover, here.  

But yeah. . . not bad at all.

The track list on the this release is respectable:  mostly religious Christmas carols, but that's not necessarily a terrible thing, especially when given an instrumental offering such as this.  The Canadian Brass (I assume their from Canada) play the listed songs as a quintet, and it's exactly what you'd expect it to sound like.  A guy on french horn, two on trumpet, a trombonist (tromboner?), and a guy on the tuba, playing mostly religious Christmas carols.  It's a hell of a lot of brass to deal with, for sure, but the arrangements are done in a way that it's not overpowering (something sooo many Holiday albums in the past have butchered with over-zealous composers over-using their brass sections.)

Oddly enough, these five guys team up with the 'Great Organ of St. Patrick's Cathedral' for many of these songs (this cathedral must be in Boston, right?)  A little random, because a quintet of brass instruments and a large, cathedral-ish organ don't really go together like, say, gin and tonic.  When the organ's quiet, it almost compliments the brass instruments in the same way that a bass guitar might compliment a lead guitar, in that it provides background texture and subtle tone without overpowering the leading melodies.  That's just fine, but on occasion the organist plays too loud and it sounds like he's trying to get these random Canadians to pack up their shit and get the hell out of his church.

All in all, this is a really random album that makes some pretty decent background music.  I was really, really hoping this evening to get a chance to write up yet another funny album review - possibly eviscerate this corny five-piece with my clever wit and drop a '2' rating or something - but I'm gonna have to disappoint all you folks.  It's scoring a lot higher than I had expected it to:  the only faults I can find with it are 1.) after two sides of listening to just brass, you kinda wish they had the rest of the orchestra show up (some strings and percussion, namely), and 2.) the organ could've been kept to a background role and no one would've suffered for it.

That's it, that's my gripe.  

I apologize again for this entry being lame.  I'm just as weirded out by all of this as you are.

VERDICT:  6/10 - Decent (Umm. . . who would've thought five Canadians playing brass instruments alongside a Boston cathedral's pipe organ would sound halfway decent?  Not this guy.  I think I'll be keeping this one for future use, but doubt it'll make it into regular rotation this year.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XLI

Hola, Jam Lovers.

For this installment, we're headed South of the Border.  Vamanos.

Album Title:  Sing Merry Christmas

Album Artist:  Tijuana Voices with Brass

This is, quite possibly, the most racist album in my Holiday record collection.  I mean, granted, this was another time - the swingin' Sixties - when dressing up like other ethnicities wasn't only acceptable, but widely-appreciated.  Now, I enjoy a good racist joke as much as the next guy; I don't discriminate when it comes to races, either - I make fun of any and all races, because I believe in equality.  Even I, with my warped sense of humor, can recognize this wouldn't have long to live on a store shelf if released in 2018.  Just look at this album artwork:

This is the Mexican equivalent to these folks slathering on Blackface.  No bueno, Tijuana Voices.

That being said, this album is pretty good for what it is.  I was really disappointed when the album kicked off, Track 1 of Side A, and it sounded more like a marching band instead of the usual Tijuana swing.  "What the hell is this?" I grumbled, as car sound effects and crowd noises accompanied the out-of-place marching band.  Was I about to be bamboozled by these mustachioed, wanna-be Mexicano imposters?

Then - thank Big Baby Jesus - the band kicked in, and balance was restored to the Tijuana Universe (Universa de Tijuana.)  A big brass section?  Check.  Maracas?  Check.  Dated '60s keyboards?  Check.  Nothing out of the ordinary, here - this sounds like just about every other Tijuana album I've listened to.  That distinctive swing of '60s Latin music made popular by Senor Herb Alpert, and blasted from living room Hi-Fi's throughout the senior citizen stratosphere for decades.

While possibly forgettable, it's far from some of the gut-wrenching horribleness of previous entries.  And for that, it gets a big 'gracias,' from Yours Truly.  In fact, the only qualm I have with this one - besides the blatantly racist album cover - is the Tijuana Singers themselves.  They don't even have the decency of hiring authentic Tijuanan Mexicanos to sing these songs.  They get the WHITEST people on Earth - probably from Minnesota - dress them up in traditional Mexican costumes, and have them sing Christmas songs along to Tijuanan jazz.  It doesn't blend well at all.  

In fact, it sounds EXACTLY like the album cover looks.  Which, to me, is insane.

A bit hokey for regular listening, so this one's going back into the bin, sadly.  The instrumental numbers are pretty good, next time they need to issue Work Visas for the real thing.

VERDICT:  6/10 - Decent (This is a pretty good Tijuana Christmas album, but the Whitest Singers on Earth drop it down a solid point or two, unfortunately.)

- SHELVED -