Back to the Smokies, Day I

Hey Internet.

Setting off at 9:30am down I-75 in the van.

Today kicked off the first of Summer's vacations for The Houghs: Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge.

We knew last year, when we were wrapping up our Disney Vacation with the Johnsons, that we'd be repeating that vacation numerous times for the foreseeable future. Our family loves Disney World, and the Johnsons are just as experienced and well-versed with everything down there as we are. When considering how well our two families operate together on vacation, planning on future Disney trips with them is a no-brainer.

That being said, we had some pretty big crap on our plates this year, financially speaking, that we knew was going to hinder us returning to Florida for a second year in the row. First, Abby needed a car, as she turned 16 this year, so Kris and I had to up and go buy a fourth car to further clutter up our driveway. Then, we had Alayna's Graduation and Open House, which took months of stocking up and planning for. Finally, we have multiple smaller vacations planned for this summer that we didn't have in previous years, plus a couple different 'camps' that Abby was taking part in July (Pom Camp, Journalism Camp, etc.)

Heading into the Butthole of the U.S.A. on our drive down to Tennessee.

When factoring all of these other things in, we realized dropping $6k or whatever it is on an eight-day Disney World vacation probably wasn't in the cards for 2026. So we pivoted, and started looking elsewhere in the country that would be within driving distance, and therefore cut back considerably on the vacation's price tag. We settled on Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge because it's only ten or so hours away, and absolutely gorgeous, nestled deep inside the Smoky Mountains. There's a little bit of everything down there, too - hiking trails, kitschy tourist traps, theme parks, tons of shops, restaurants, and bars, etc. - and God knows we only scratched the surface of it all when we last visited (with The Sausage Pad, if you'll recall) in 2014. 

Stopping for restrooms outside of Toledo (and so Alayna could get a coffee.)

Since this trip took place a week after Alayna's Open House, and since all of our energies had been focused on that and that alone for months, we really didn't have any time to plan out this Tennessee trip of ours. Over the course of four or five days, we packed our bags, briefly looked over possible things to do down there, and then just loaded up in the van and took off. This vacation, more than any other vacation our family has taken in our twenty-plus years of operating, was done by the seat of our pants. We improvised a lot, and generally planned for each day at a time, usually the night before (and sometimes the morning of.)

After five and a half hours in the car, we approached our first stop of the day.

Not my favorite way to vacation, rest assured, but in the end we walked away with a pretty solid week up in the mountains. This was definitely a more laid-back vacation than our usual Disney fare, but it was a nice welcome break in the middle of the month from all the crap we have going on around here in Midland on a daily basis. Plus, the weather was just about perfect (low 80s, and only rained once or twice, and then only briefly.) Not like here at home, where while we were away, it poured heavily for a solid week. Can't say I'm sad to have missed that.

Anyway, I'll leave you now with multiple posts worth of pictures and video, detailing our Tennessee Vacation on a day-to-day installment, for your viewing pleasure.

Behold. . .

Day I

The Butthole of America, and Hocking Hills 

Kris had wanted to check out this Hocking Hills State Park on the way down to Tennessee, and convinced the rest of us it would be worth it. It wasn't even close to being on the way, though - we lost about four hours of drive time over the course of the two days driving out there, seeing how it's almost on the border with West Virginia - but, as you're about to see in the following pics and video, the scenery was well worth the extra drive time.

Google Maps didn't direct us to the main Visitor Center for some reason, and instead led us to one of the main, geographical spots in the park - The Rock House. This one is a little farther removed from the other big sights to see (along either side of the gorge that comprises the main area of the park, and that we would be checking out later), so in the end it was kinda good we started at this one-off spot first. Otherwise we probably wouldn't have bothered wasting time on it after spending hours hiking around the main area. Anyway, here's some background info that I captured off an informational board that was nearby the portojohns my roommates were using.

Post bathroom break, scrounging up hand sanitizer (public bathrooms are absolutely disgusting, I don't know what's wrong with people.)

Kris and Abby, attempting to read a trail map (I had to step in and use my ingrained Male Sense of Direction and get everybody back on track.)

The Trail Head

Abby takes off down the trail (yes, she was insistent on wearing flip-flops for this.)

This giant tree had collapsed over the trail, and you had to walk under it in order to continue towards the Rock House.

Kris wanted a pic of me and the girls posing on the tree. Abby did not understand the assignment.

Abby tried hanging from it but it was too big around to get a good grip.

After walking about a half mile from the road side, skirting a cliff-face through the woods, we hung a sharp left and descended to a series of stone steps that descended into the valley below at the base of the forest.

Looking back up at the stairs that we had just descended.

The path now hugged the cliff itself, and snaked around back and forth as we continued on.

What the hell is going on with her face here?

At the time, we though these cliffs were huge. We had no idea how big they were going to be getting later.

Abby finds a small cave, but opted not to venture inside (probably a wise move.)

The girls wanted to recreate a picture of them in a similar outcropping, back when we were knocking around the Upper Peninsula with Rita and Smitty back in 2001.

Moving on through the woods.

Some cliff faces along the trail. . . .

At one point they wanted to climb over all this debris to reach the edge of this depression in this cliff.

Posing for a picture.

The trail stopped as we reached a large cave, and we realized - after being turned around for a few moments, double-checking to make sure weren't venturing off the list (which is dangerous when you're exploring caves and cliffs) - that we had reached the trail's highlight.

Alayna finds the cave entrance.

The Rock House is a pretty big cave, maybe 40 feet high in some spots and about the length of a football field.

Multiple openings look out at the floor of the forest.

This 'window' opens out to a large sheer cliff (about a hundred feet high or so, and this opening is about a third of the way up.)

View of the interior from the opposite end of Rock House.

Kris scampers up a small rock shelf off to the edge of the cave.

The girls spotted these two birds just hanging out on the edge of a boulder. Not sure if they're dating or what.

Kris got another tourist to snap a family pic of us inside the cave before we headed out.

Gotta watch your footing in a place like this, I about wiped out twelve times in the span of twenty minutes.

The rock in these caves is relatively soft (hence the crazy cave formation in the first place. . . something dealing with water and weathering and nerdy science crap, I don't know.) So over the hundreds of years since this place was discovered, thousands of not tens of thousands of people have left their names carved into the stone. Inside, more protected from the elements, we were seeing lots of names from the 1910s and 1920s - had we actually invested in scoping out more of these carvings we probably could have found some dated earlier, but we only checked them out in passing for a minute.

No duh, sign. Shut up.

The Houghs. Cliff-Side Edition.

Having spent about a half an hour inside Rock House, it was time to continue on the trail, back towards the roadside parking lot (about a mile from where we were.)

At the base of the previous pic's staircase there stood a small stone bridge, covered in overgrowth. For whatever reason, this was blocked off and hikers were detoured further down the pathway to a manmade bridge that spanned the ravine.

Whatever you say, sign.

A gigantic cliff rises up on our lefts as we slowly zig-zag our way back up to the main elevation level of the parking lot (having spent a half an hour descending into this deep ravine.)

Why can't Michigan have places that look like this? Seriously. . .

This would be the only hike of our day where I bothered wearing a backpack. It wasn't necessarily hot out, but it was humid, and carrying multiple water bottles (because God forbid my roommates carry their own things), plus my camera gear, I was getting pretty sweaty.

The last stretch of the hike back to the parking lot consisted of a loooooooong, boring path that cut straight through the woods with absolutely nothing cool to look at. The only distinguishable feature of this last leg of the hike was the incline of the path, which was considerable (similar to Clingman's Dome, that we've checked out before on our last expedition down here to Tennessee.) My roommates had to stop multiple times on the way up, and Alayna had me help her fish out her portable fan out of her backpack as we got to the top.

Back at the van, we let the AC dry us off and ate some lunch, taking the time to try and use Google Maps to pinpoint the actual Visitor Center of this State Forest. We found an address that looked promising and headed out, getting there about fifteen minutes later.

The Hocking Hills Visitor Center, which was closing in about twenty minutes. . . just enough time for us to hit up the bathrooms and refill our depleted water bottles.

The girls screw around with some kinda interactive, educational what-not in the Visitor Center while waiting for Kris to wrap up things in the restroom.

Abby's super excited this LED screen on the ceiling lit up when she hit a button.

After folks had used the restrooms and we filled up Kris' water bottle (we were all sharing hers 'cause there was no way in hell I was willing to carry my backpack with everyone else's in it again) we left the Visitor Center and started off on the trail. . .

It started by descending down several flights of stone steps, carved into the side of the cliff, and led down to the base of the gorge (which I assume used to be a river at some point in primordial history.)

All the rock you see here was carved away by hundreds of thousands of not millions of years of erosion. Or glaciers, usually the answer is 'glaciers' in this part of the country.

Straight out of The Lord of the Rings. . .

Continuing on down the path towards the trail's big attractions, walking alongside all that remains of the once-mighty river.

I didn't not care for this 'floating' stone bridge. At all. No handrails, open space between the platforms, etc. Anxiety was dialed up to 11 for this point.

Opposite view of the bridge, having safely made it across. Doesn't look all that intimidating from here, but you're about twelve feet off the ground over water and rock, and the bridge is uneven. When you're carrying an expensive camera, that doesn't jive well with one's nerves.

Another cliff face in the gorge.

I had the girls pose in front of it, just so you could see just how big this was (sometimes you can't tell from the pictures without people in them.)

Yes, the girls wanted to recreate the famous Titanic pose. . .

Not sure what 'habitat restoration' means - what exactly are they restoring, rocks? Moss?

(Kris thought this was hilarious.)

In order to continue along the trail, we had to pass through one of the cliffs, descending down a flight of stairs into a dark tunnel.

Light at the end of the tunnel (literally.)

Coming out on the other side.

At this junction, you could either head one way towards Old Man Cave (our destination), or continue on to the waterfalls (forget their name.)

Old Man Cave

To get up into the cave, you had to cross this super-old, moss-covered stone bridge.

Looks like a set piece from a Tolkien movie, for sure.

Abby, waiting for me on the bridge (Kris and Alayna usually don't stop so I can take pics, but Abby has slightly better manners.)

Another shot of Old Man's Cave

From the opposite bank of the stream, another shot of the bridge.

To access the higher reaches of the cave, you had to pass through a narrow flight of stairs, probably two and a half feet wide at the most.

Reaching the top of the cave, which overlooks the valley below.

Seriously, you could film fantasy movies here without changing a thing. Just need some swords and some extras.

Family selfie from Old Man's Cave.

Walking farther along the cave, towards the end of the ravine.

This little trickle here is the only 'falls' to speak of in this location. We realized that the 'real' falls were in another direction - remember the fork in the path pic earlier? - and seeing how all these trails are one-way affairs (due to the narrowness of certain areas, and the volume of tourists who check these places out), we had to finish the hike back up to the Visitor Center and start the trail over.

Back at the entrance of the trail, I snapped a quick pic of the historical marker that I had neglected to photograph on our first pass through.

On our second lap of the trail, I didn't take any pics (because I already had documented everything already), so I didn't start taking pics again until we had once again reached that fork in the path and, this time, turning away from Old Man's Cave and continuing on towards the falls. At one point Kris and the girls stopped to check out some kinda informational plaque, but I don't know what it said 'cause I never closed in to investigate for myself.

Up another flight of stone steps.

At the top of the steps, the girls wanted to climb around in this little side opening for a sec and explore. . .

(And of course get some pics taken.)

Aaaaaand back down some more steps.

Continuing on down the trail, which again crossed over the stream.

And then back over it again.

Coming down one, final flight of stone steps, we came to the end of the ravine where the falls are located.

The tourists on hand today paid no heed to this sign in the slightest. Not like anyone was around to even enforce this policy.

From Kris' vantage, in the shade, where she sat and let the girls wade into the water for a bit.

I walked up and took a pic of the kids in front of the falls, though. Kinda have to at scenic places like this.

The Falls. Not the coolest I've ever seen (by far), but worth a twenty-minute hike, for sure.

Having gotten our fill of the falls, it was time once again to climb yet another flight of stone steps in order to get out of the gorge.

A lot of steps this time. . .

Even more steps (climbing up that last flight was NOT fun for me - I'm deathly afraid of heights.)

View from atop the previous set of stairs (we still had more to go, though.)

Eventually, about fifteen minutes later, we made our way out of the gorge and back up to the Visitor Center. The girls and I were worn out at this point (like an idiot, I had done 'Leg Day' at the gym two days prior and I was sore before we even started), but Kris wanted to check one one, more location before we called it a day. We got back in the van, got a snack and our fill of water, and drove over to the far side of the park's parking lot in order to access another Trail Head (which had these signs posted out front.)

I forget the name of this spot, but it was pretty scenic (and only about a five minute walk from the trail head.) The only thing that sucked was there were some people who were smoking weed nearby (we didn't see it, but we could definitely smell it), and that trashiness kinda killed the vibe.

Kris' pic of the falls.

Another selfie.

This pic I took looks like it could've been taken in Rivendell. . .

Heading back up to the van. By this point it was 5pm, and we were all worn out and ready for some food.

Kris wanted a pic of us in front of the park sign before we took off.

About a ten minute drive later, we pulled into this place Kris had looked up while searching for well-rated restaurants nearby the park - Jimbo's Burgers and Beers. I was sold on the name for sure, as I'm a huge fan of both burgers and beers.

Unfortunately the food and service here was sub-par. I wasn't hungry enough to justify a burger, so just got some loaded fries, which were okay, but the pulled pork wasn't great. Abby only got fries, Kris a sandwich, and Alayna a burger and fries. Between the four of us, we managed to eat everything - folks helping each other out where needed. I didn't order a beer 'cause it was one of those restaurants where everything is sold in bottles and cans, not drafts - and I had booze in the cooler in the van, so I wasn't about to pay $5 for a 12 oz can. Took forever to get our bill, but eventually we got out of there and back on the road. 

The route Google Maps had us going was crazy - most of the drive we felt like we were lost, and Kris' GPS signal kept getting dropped (probably due to the hills and thick forest surrounding us.) Definitely a lot of sight-seeing on this sorta drive, though, so we didn't mind too much.

I bet cool people live here.

I couldn't tell you the name of the Clare-sized town we stopped off in for the night (began with a 'C,' though.) Kris had booked a room for us the day before, and it was a well-rated place (like a Holiday Inn), and the check-in process went smoothly.  

We had to make multiple trips from the van up to the room, which was made all the more difficult due to the fact the place had no working elevator to speak of. Not sure how the cripples handle that.

The girls claim their bed while Kris puts some food and drinks from our cooler (which was staying in the van for the night) into the room's provided fridge.

You have to get pics of your hotel room whenever you stay in one. That's a law, I'm pretty sure.

Brought up a drink or two for Kris and I to enjoy while watching some TV at the end of the night. We deserved it after the long day we'd had.

View from the room. Kris and the girls went downstairs to the main wing of the hotel in order to soak in a hot tub for awhile (and didn't get any pics of themselves down there, of course - rookie move.) I hung back in order to whittle down the hundreds of pics that we all took throughout the course of the day (which you've enjoyed throughout the duration of this post.)

My beer at the end of the long-ass day - a favorite from Florida that's been hanging out in my fridge for almost a decade. Still tasted amazing after all this time. Stay tuned for tomorrow's installment, gang. . .

- to be continued. . .