The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XLI

Hola, Jam Lovers.

For this installment, we're headed South of the Border.  Vamanos.

Album Title:  Sing Merry Christmas

Album Artist:  Tijuana Voices with Brass

This is, quite possibly, the most racist album in my Holiday record collection.  I mean, granted, this was another time - the swingin' Sixties - when dressing up like other ethnicities wasn't only acceptable, but widely-appreciated.  Now, I enjoy a good racist joke as much as the next guy; I don't discriminate when it comes to races, either - I make fun of any and all races, because I believe in equality.  Even I, with my warped sense of humor, can recognize this wouldn't have long to live on a store shelf if released in 2018.  Just look at this album artwork:

This is the Mexican equivalent to these folks slathering on Blackface.  No bueno, Tijuana Voices.

That being said, this album is pretty good for what it is.  I was really disappointed when the album kicked off, Track 1 of Side A, and it sounded more like a marching band instead of the usual Tijuana swing.  "What the hell is this?" I grumbled, as car sound effects and crowd noises accompanied the out-of-place marching band.  Was I about to be bamboozled by these mustachioed, wanna-be Mexicano imposters?

Then - thank Big Baby Jesus - the band kicked in, and balance was restored to the Tijuana Universe (Universa de Tijuana.)  A big brass section?  Check.  Maracas?  Check.  Dated '60s keyboards?  Check.  Nothing out of the ordinary, here - this sounds like just about every other Tijuana album I've listened to.  That distinctive swing of '60s Latin music made popular by Senor Herb Alpert, and blasted from living room Hi-Fi's throughout the senior citizen stratosphere for decades.

While possibly forgettable, it's far from some of the gut-wrenching horribleness of previous entries.  And for that, it gets a big 'gracias,' from Yours Truly.  In fact, the only qualm I have with this one - besides the blatantly racist album cover - is the Tijuana Singers themselves.  They don't even have the decency of hiring authentic Tijuanan Mexicanos to sing these songs.  They get the WHITEST people on Earth - probably from Minnesota - dress them up in traditional Mexican costumes, and have them sing Christmas songs along to Tijuanan jazz.  It doesn't blend well at all.  

In fact, it sounds EXACTLY like the album cover looks.  Which, to me, is insane.

A bit hokey for regular listening, so this one's going back into the bin, sadly.  The instrumental numbers are pretty good, next time they need to issue Work Visas for the real thing.

VERDICT:  6/10 - Decent (This is a pretty good Tijuana Christmas album, but the Whitest Singers on Earth drop it down a solid point or two, unfortunately.)

- SHELVED -

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XX

Merry Pre-Season, gang.  Let's get us some jammage analyzed. . .

Album Title:  Something Festive

Album Artist:  Various Artists

I think those of you out there who have been somewhat keeping up with this blog - specifically this Christmas Record Odyssey of mine - have caught on to the fact that Yours Truly enjoys his '60s music.  While not universally, at least frequently when it pertains to Christmas songs.  True, sometimes Christmas albums recorded in the '60s fall flat (you heard me, Johnny Mathis), but other times we find ourselves some true gems in the Holiday Music section of the Hough Family Record Collection.

This one, here, is. . . well, sort of in the middle.

This record, like others found in this year's run of Holiday music, was purchased on purpose from a local thrift shop for a mere 59 cents.  As such, my hopes weren't super high for this particular record, but given the cheesy cover art and some of the bands and songs on the track list, I was still anxious to give it a whirl on the 'ol Holiday turntable.

After listening to this album in its entirety, I'm satisfied with my spending less than a dollar on this.

Some of these songs, to be fair, are really good.  The instrumental Latin jams on here  (Herb Alpert, etc.) would definitely hold up all season long, as would Burt Bacharach's offerings:  why, I'd spend regular, non-thrift store money on a Christmas album if all it had were songs like these.  Those songs, on their own, would serve well as background music during a holiday cocktail party, with a bunch of older guys standing around in turtlenecks, perhaps eyeballing everyone else's wives while smoking cigars and not using coasters.

But, alas, those songs are not all that we have here.  We also have some really, really horrible songs on this album.

Most notably, there's a song called "Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Andy" that easily pulls this album down a a solid three points on my official one-to-ten scale, all by itself.  It's just brutal.  Nothing about it fits with the rest of the album:  there's nothing 'Latin,' 'jazzy,' or 'instrumental' about this song.  This not being an instrumental song is truly a shame, 'cause my main fault with this song is its vocal aspect.  What we appear to have here, upon listening to the song, is a drunken woman - the one and only Liza Minnelli, ladies and gentlemen - singing to a couple of shit-stained dolls in a dreary, long-neglected bedroom.

While that could be funny to watch - if not a little depressing, I suppose - it's not at all enjoyable to listen to.  It's so jarring I had a really hard time finishing it, and that's saying something.

Personally, if I want to hear Liza Minnelli make an ass of herself, I'll watch Arrested Development, thank you very much.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh  (The Good, the Bad, and the Minnelli:  it'd be a solid 7 if it were all Herb and Burt, but Liza and Co. drag it down into the Realm of Blegh.)

- SHELVED -

Cold Weather and New Ink

Hey gangsters...

Well, we're safely back home after the Christmas Excursion up in Michigan, and are currently settling back into the normal grind that is life in the urban sprawl of Central Florida. I think it can go without saying that we were both pretty down about having to leave the snowy wastelands of the Glove State, but what we weren't expecting is to fly out of the cold, cold winds of Michigan, traverse the continental United States, and land in the cold, cold winds of Florida.

Seriously, people... its 30 degrees outside. What the hell is the problem here?!

So, as we continue to unpack and clean up around the house, we've got the heater on and are walking about in sweatshirts (in the tropics!). My monstrous cacti looked pissed off, but there's not much I can do for them by this point in time - they've already been exposed to the elements, so if they're destined to die, its going to happen anyway. I can't believe its this cold in Florida... is this El Niño (or La Niña, rather, if its a chick storm)? What about Global Warming or something?

I'm not a certified chief meteorologist like Channel 9's reliable, ol' Tom Terry (see jolly looking gentleman to the left), but I'm pretty sure 30 degree weather, for the tropics, is grounds for some serious eyebrow-raising.

Anyway.

I had some ink done with my brother Chris while I was home. This was something that was nigh on four years in the making, and we still didn't get everything we wanted done. Originally, Chris, Jeff and I were all going to get some sort of Hough brother tattoo done, but we haven't been able to successfully plan, design, and agree on any one design in the three years that have passed since we first hatched the idea.

Furthermore, lil' baby Jeffy's now joining the Air Force in March (I think its March), and apparently the U.S. Military has to clear all recruits' tattoos before folks are allowed to enlist... meaning that if he were to get new ink done with his two dumbass brothers, he'd have to postpone enlisting for another six months (which, for him, sounds about as awesome as hammering bamboo shoots underneath his fingernails).


So yeah... here's what I had done. The guy who did it, Jason Rhodes (owner of Intricate Decor in Mt. Pleasant, MI.), does great work and I'm so glad it turned out as I had initially hoped. I had the Hough family crest done, and it took probably four or five months of research and designing to get it to fit well on the inside of my left arm. The surname Hough traces its ancestry to 9th century Cheshire, England, where they were Saxon nobility. I found a couple different family mottos for the Hough surname, but 'Aut Pax Aut Bellum' (trans. from Latin, "Either Peace or War") seemed the most fitting for yours truly:


It was difficult working the design around my existing Gye Nyame symbol on my wrist, but Rhodes wrapped the scroll of the family motto around the side and I included one of my favorite passages in the KJV bible for perspective:


On the other arm, I decided to get the kid's nickname ('Cannonball') done in ancient Irish (seeing how both Kris and I have a lot of Irish in us). I went with a shamrock, too, as other traditional Irish symbols (pint of Guinness, a Shillelagh bashing in a Protestant's skull, etc.) might not be appropriate for a little girl...


Eventually, when the second kid is born, I'll get a design done for him and place it directly below Alayna's shamrock, and then eventually tie all three designs together in some sort of sleeve design. That'll take a couple years (and a couple hundred dollars, no doubt), but it'll look awesome in the long run.

Word. So there you have it. Yours truly had some ink done, its freezing in Florida, and nobody wants to go back to work.

Have a good New Year's, people...

- Brian