Brocation 2026, Pt. I

Welcome, Adventurers.

This year marked the seventh year in a row that Midland's team of heroes known as The Kings of the Hill struck out on the extended weekend, guys-only, adventure known as Brocation.

We bumped it up from August this time around because Yours Truly starts school like halfway through the month anymore, and the last couple of years I've been basically coming home from four days of drinking and getting into trouble (like someone in their twenties does), and having to wake up bright and early the NEXT DAY to start off the School Year (whether it be Pre-Planning, like in 2022, 2023, or 2024, or the actual First Day of School, like last year.) That was getting just downright brutal, so I put my foot down and pulled rank, and the group agreed to move it forward a month into July.

Steven picked up Erik and I first (had to mix up bloody marys for the road.)

Seeing how we've been executing these 'dad weekends' of ours for years now, it was pretty easy getting this trip to fall into place. Once again, Erik (Big E) and Mitch (Pro) took to planning out the weekend itinerary, which would see us this time around rampaging across the Eastern half of Michigan's Upper Peninsula: Sault Ste Marie, Tahquamenon Falls, Whitefish Point, Newberry, Brimley, Oswald's Bear Ranch, Paradise, Grand Marais, the Two Hearted River, Lake Superior, and countless waterfalls and shitty dive bars everywhere in between. Erik, having lived up there for years, would also take on his customary duties of sitting shotgun and navigating our party throughout the weekend (which we've come to expect by now.)

Next we picked up Lonnie Big Balls and Damn It Tom. . .

Yours Truly (The Colonel) was once again on music detail, curating, logging, and sharing out our Brocation Playlist (like I've said before, each person going on one of these Brocations has to send me 25 songs of their choice to be added to the year's playlist, and the only restrictions are they cannot have been used before on any previous Brocation list.) Additionally, I would end up taking like 80% of the pictures on this adventure this year, which was a little more daunting than usual but to be expected since our other group photographer, Collier (who still doesn't have a nickname), had to bow out of this year's trip due to him having to photograph a wedding on Saturday. This would mark the first time that Collier wasn't in our ranks for a Brocation outing, and his absence was definitely felt.

Last but definitely least, it was time to grab Old Man Mitch the Pro.

Additionally, Morgan (Baby Driver) our traditional driver and vehicle-renter, had to bow out at the last minute (he decided to go see a Lumineers concert with his wife on Sunday instead), leaving us without a driver. Holty (a KOTH who made his Brocation debut last year) offered to drive his wife's van instead, so we were back in business. Rounding out our six-man crew this year (because newly-recruited KOTHs Rob and Cory had other obligations this weekend that prohibited them from going) was Lonnie (Big Balls) and Tom (Damn It Tom), who have both been multiple Brocations in the past.

So we ended up with six out of the eleven Kings with us on this year's trip, one of our smaller turnouts but similar to what we had in 2020 and 2022, but having a smaller vehicle this time around (a simple mini-van) saved us a ton on gas. And that's saying something, because we spent a lot of time in the car traversing across the Eastern swaths of the U.P. sightseeing, bar-hopping, and otherwise poking around places we probably shouldn't be poking.

I will leave you now with the first of three installments, chronicling our adventures on Brocation 2026.

Behold. . .

Setting off down US-10 for our hours-long haul up north. Morale high.

Mitch decided to get a pic of me getting a pic. I guess.

LBB is one of those guys who can fall asleep anywhere at any time. We might be driving a mere ten minutes down the road from one location to another and he'll easily be able to squeeze in an eight-minute power nap. I wish I had that skill.

Stopping off at the last rest stop before the bridge in order to hit up bathrooms before the final push.

The crossing of the Mighty Mac. . .

The Canadian wildfires definitely made this crossing all the more terrifying - like driving through a frickin' cloud.

I hate this bridge so f***ing much.

You can see how much fun I'm having.

Stopping off at a gas station in the U.P., once we had cleared the bridge and St. Ignace.

Erik found a bug of some kind (butterfly?) on the ground while we were using the bathrooms again.

Coming into Sault Ste. Marie a little while later, having driven through the narrow strip of the eastern U.P.

I assume this is the Tower of Orthanc. I wanted to stop and say hi to Saruman but nobody else was feeling it.

We found a decent parking spot along the main drag of Sault Ste. Marie, close enough to a couple different restaurants that we could hit up for some drinks and a quick bite before we hit up our first 'attraction' of the day - a boat tour through the Sault Locks.

While folks rearranged their gear in the van, I popped into a local souvenir store to glance over their shitty collection of mall swords and knives (I'm a frickin' snob when it comes to this kinda stuff, so I like to poo-poo such nonsense whenever given the chance.)

Erik and Holty make a new friend outside the souvenir store.

We set off down the street to grab a drink and some appetizers at some place Mitch wanted to check out.

The Palace Saloon

Some more AI slop for you guys. You can spot this bullshit a mile away.

A little cramped inside, sure, but it was a pretty cool-looking bar.

This giant window seat was open when we waltzed in, so we were pretty stoked about having the best seats in the house.

Steven nabs a group pic as we settle in.

Lon Dog loves himself a frozen drink, that's for damn sure.

I asked the bartender if I could have an umbrella for my Miller Lite, too. She was nice enough to oblige.

The status of the air quality in Michigan at this time, due to the Canadian wildfire smoke. It was moving south so things were looking up for us (I think yesterday was the worst of it anyway.) 

They had ole timey salon doors leading to the bathrooms, which are always fun to throw open as you pass through them. We need more of those in society, I think.

Heading back to the van following our pit stop.

Erik really wanted to do this - he's been wanting to since he first saw the Locks as a kid - so we added it to our itinerary this year.

The building to the right there is the visitor center or whatever, where you buy your tickets and check in and crap. No idea what the building to the left is, but it was huge (you'll see more pics of it later on in this post when we're touring the Locks.)

I signed the Guest Book for us.

We walked down this path to that yellow boat in the distance (our tour boat.)

It was about the same size as a Mackinac Island ferry, maybe a little smaller.

Erik, Mitch, and that aforementioned building (you can see it running down the waterfront in the distance.)

Pretty sure it's against the law to see one of these and not get your picture taken. . .

Coming aboard, we entered this main seating area that doubled as a dining area of sorts.

They sold snacks and drinks here, which we took full advantage of.

The men's room door was like 16" wide, not sure how fat people squeezed in there.

Super cramped, but it worked.

The Kings of the Hill, getting a group pic on the stern as the boat started off on its tour.

The top deck of the tour boat was open for viewing, and we hung out at either the bow or the stern for the entirety of the hours-long tour.

We started off south of the Locks, and slowly chugged our way north along the shoreline.

Spotted a seaplane cruising low overhead of us. It would be absolutely terrifying landing one of those things, there's no way in hell I would ever ride in one.

Lots of tankers were parked about. These pics don't do them justice at all, they were the size of shopping malls.

I mean just look at this thing - it's the size of a city block for Christ's sake.

We saw dudes walking around the deck and the staircases as we passed. Like, that's their job - that's so weird.

Entering the U.S. side of the Locks. . .

Once we entered the Locks, they sealed the gates behind us and the water levels began to adjust in order to match the Canadian side.

Mitch, Erik, and our Captain (standing behind in the bridge.)

Took about 15-20 minutes for this water level to change (I forget if it was going up or down - regardless, it did the opposite when we were on our way South through the other Lock, an hour or so later.)

See that viewing platform up to the right there? We were up there four years ago while on a different Brocation, if you'll recall.

I guess that's the name of our boat?

View from the men's room door, near the stern.

I assume these are some of those forms you're supposed to post following mandatory inspections of some kind. Can't imagine anyone ever reads these things, but whatever.

The guys bought multiple rounds of beer on this tour, but I never saw a server behind the counter. Maybe they were just taking them out of the fridge?

The stairwell that leads from the lower, interior deck up to the viewing deck.

Some seagull, glaring at our boat as we passed by. F*** you, bird. 

The bridge to Canada.

Passing by another freighter, headed for the United States.

Slainte.

There were tons of mayflies up here in the U.P. this weekend. Erik took a pic of this giant that landed on Mitch's arm at one point.

Another tour boat spotted off the starboard side. . .

There was a crap-load of various cranes and loading gear everywhere along this stretch - I didn't realize how industrialized all of this stuff was up here.

I've never seen more seagulls gathered together in one area in my entire life. This was HALF of them.

Tom, spotted on the bow of the ship, courtesy of their security camera systems below deck.

Entering the Canadian side of the Locks. . .

Water level a lot higher up here. . .

We should have burned this building to the ground. Nobody forgets the War of 1812. . .

We caught up with another tour boat that was waiting for the water level to drop.

We all received this text while waiting for the water levels to adjust.

About fifteen or twenty minutes later, the water had dropped substantially.

The gates we had previously passed through in order to enter the Canadian Locks.

Patiently waiting to exit the Canadian Locks.

Before the Locks were a thing (we were told, by the boat's tour guide), ships had to navigate these treacherous shoals. In wooden boats? No thank you.

Another behemoth passes us by.

A quick size comparison for you. That thing is ridiculous.

Isle of Birds

Not sure what kinda boats these are, but we saw them lined up along the tour all over the damn place.

Some fishermen, doing their thing. Not sure why this was the ultimate place for this, but, then again, I hate fishing.

On our walk back to the Visitor's Center, Tom somehow hitched a ride on a golf kart with the boat people. Didn't wanna rub elbows with us peasants, I guess.

Waiting for folks to wrap up in the bathrooms.

Having wrapped up the Soo Locks tour, we loaded back up in Holty's van and set off for dinner.

Erik and Mitch had landed on this place for food - The Antlers.

The decor of this place would give FERPA a heart attack. . .

Mitch checks out the assortment of dead animal remains as we peruse the menu.

If I had something like this in my house I would dress it up for each holiday.

A buffalo (or bison, I don't know the difference.)

This thing was tall as hell. Did you guys know that Polar Bears are one of only, like, five animals in the entire world that are actual, legit man-hunters? Other animals may attack humans if provoked, but only five give zero f***s and will go out of their way to kill people (for food or for funsies. Aside from Polar Bears it's tigers, lions, leopards, and Nile crocodiles.

Still perusing the menu. I wasn't super hungry so I was just going to get some loaded fries or the like, but some of the other guys were starving by this point, and the list of options was pretty extensive.

You gotta wonder where folks picked up stuffed lions like this. Either these things are a hundred years old, back when you could buy a dead lion from the circus or whatever, or else someone paid out the ass for this thing.

Tom aaaaaaand whatever the hell this thing is.

Place lives up to its name, that's for damn sure.

I ended up ordering coney cheese fries, and it came out like this. Coney sauce tasted burnt and those little hotdog chunks were gross. I was pretty disappointed, but ate as much of it as I could anyway (I paid for it, didn't wanna have to pay for something else later on in the evening.) 

After dinner, we paid our bills and hit up the restroom before loading back up into Holty's van. The men's room at this joint featured one of those gross, communal urinals that you see at dive bars sometimes (like the Duel in Auburn.) Lonnie and Tom got all close and personal while taking a lil' pee break, that's adorable.

We were staying at the Bay Mills Casino and Resort this weekend, which was kind of the same setup as the place we stayed up in St. Ignace during Brocation 2022. As we were packing up to leave The Antlers bar, Erik asked our server if there were any other good bars in the area near the casino. He told us that there was one called Pickle's, which was only a mile or so away from the casino, and that the drinks were great. . . but not so much the food. Since we weren't planning on eating anyway, we decided to give the place a shot.

Speaking of shots. The second we strolled into the dive bar and saddled up to the bar, one of the waitresses asked if any of us would like a Pickle Back. We were like, "What the hell is a Pickle Back?" It's a shot of Jameson, followed by a shot of pickle juice. Frickin' disgusting. Someone in the group, however, said that I would try it, and so she poured it out for me (much to my dismay.)

In case you were curious, it was JUST as disgusting as you imagine.

Erik, Mitch and Holty at the bar.

Some genius left the cooler open. Bet the energy bill's gonna love that. . .

While having our first round of drinks, Tom and I decided to see what the back deck of this place was like. Kinda looks like you're looking out at the end of the known world - a mix of creepy and sad, honestly.

The deck had collapsed the previous winter (I'm assuming due to the heavy snows that accumulate up here) and they hadn't gotten around to repairing it yet. Not really all that safe for customers, but up here folks don't seem to really care about that kinda thing (we're technically on Native American land up here anyway, so I'm sure that plays into it, too.)

Tom wrastles with a gator in the swamp. Why would you have a gator stature in a pond in the U.P. of all places? Ain't no gators up here, for Christ's sake.

A line of old, discarded bar stools sitting outside the employees-only, lower level of the bar. I was half-tempted to steal some of these for my bar at home, but we didn't have the room in the van (unfortunately.)

Meanwhile, back at the bar.

They give everyone these touristy souvenir 'hats' while you're there. Some of the guys were 'too cool' to put 'em on but I don't care about that kinda nonsense.

After getting well liquidated, we climbed back into the van and dove the last, remaining mile to bay Mills Casino.

(A little blurry, but it's the best I got, I'm afraid.)

We decided to run in quick and check in before hauling in all of our overnight crap.

Seeing how there was only six of us, we split off into two rooms. Usually, I room with Morgan, but since he backed out I was left with Tom and Steven, while Erik, Lonnie and Mitch took the other one.

Unloading all our crap out of the trunk for the weekend.

We were up on the third floor, while the other guys were down on the second.

Tom seems to make this face a lot when getting his picture taken. Maybe it's a nervous tick of some kind. . .

Our room. I had offered to sleep on a cot for the weekend - as a grown man I wasn't about to share a bed with someone else - but Steven and Tom offered to share a bed so I wouldn't have to. I was more than okay with this.

The bathroom.

Shower was decent, but the water pressure was straight-up garbage.

You see how tall the rooms are? They were easily twelve feet with the vaulted ceiling, made the place seem enormous.

After settling in, we made our way down a level to the other guys' room to see when they wanted to check out the casino.

They had also just finished settling in and were killing time watching some TV.

Heading down to the lobby for some gambling and shenanigans.

Like previous hotel/casinos that we've stayed in, they had a full casino set up next to the hotel, and gave you $5 credit towards your evening of gambling. Not much, obviously, but if all you feel like doing is playing $0.25 slot machines and the like, it's just fine.

Mitch and Erik, losing at digital card games. No idea how much they lost, but they weren't happy about it.

I ended up breaking even so I called it quits before I was tempted to pull out more money.

They had a lot of Backrooms-esque rooms that continued on and on in all directions, each one less furnished with furniture, slot machines, and people than the one before. You could easily get lost - and killed - in a place like this.

 Tom and Holty tried getting the golf simulator to work, but I think you had to reserve it in advance or something.

Enjoying an outdoor fire at the end of the night. Thus ends the first installment of Brocation '26 - stay tuned for tomorrow's thrilling episode. . .

- to be continued. . .