The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. LII

Welcome back to the Odyssey, America.

I forgot to remind you all, in my last post, of the scale we use around these parts when rating these Holiday audio offerings.  This is what you can look forward to, my personalized 1-to-10 Scale:

10 - . . . And Out Come the Wolves (a symbol of perfection, and arguably one of the greatest albums made in the last twenty five years)
9 - Cowabunga! (if it makes you want to shout like a Ninja Turtle, you know it's good.)
8 - Awesome
7 - Pretty Rad (generally, in order for an album of mine to stay in Holiday Season Rotation, it needs to be rated '7' and up.)
6 - Decent (once and awhile a '6' makes it into constant rotation, but only if it satisfies a previously-vacant Holiday music niche.)
5 - Meh  (Albums in the 6 - 4 range almost always get 'Shelved.'  I hold on to them - for the time being - but they lose turntable time for the duration of the Season.)
4 - Borophyll
3 - Seriously? (anything below this point is put into my annual 'Donate to Goodwill' pile)
2 - Reality TV (there's only one thing shittier than Reality TV in my opinion, and that is. . .)
1 - Ohio (the Ninth Circle of Hell)

Now, let us throw on your jam pants. . .

Album Title:  Popular Christmas Classics

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Santa, probably writing up his Manifesto.

So I snatched this up from some thrift store awhile back - God knows which one - and it's sat in my pile of 'records-to-review' box down in our storage room for a couple of years.   I picked it up for the album art (at left), which, to me, hints at a ridiculously hokey, dated Christmas track list.  At the time, I didn't really read the artists and song selections that are literally plastered all over the cover, but, as you can see, it's definitely a 'Best of. . .'  for the Holiday Season.

This album definitely lives up to its title.  Nearly every song on this album can be heard every year in stores, on the radio, in TV commercials, you name it.  In fact, I'd say roughly two-thirds of the tracks here are the definitive versions of each Christmas song.

Probably safe to say all these guys are dead by now.

You've got Burl Ives' famous version of 'A Holly, Jolly Christmas,' the stand-out track from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  There's Bing Crosby's 'Do You Hear What I Hear?,' that's easily the most-widely recognized version of that song, and was made famous by its iconic usage in Gremlins.  The Harry Simeone Chorale's rendition of 'The Little Drummer Boy' is the one you hear in your head the second I name the song title - it's the quintessential version of that carol.  There's more, too, that are easily the most-played versions one hears during this time of year.

The Balrog

All things considered, this should be at least a '9.'  Maybe an '8,' considering there's a couple less-known and 'meh'-ish tracks from Glen Campbell and Leroy Anderson on here you don't really give two craps about, and aren't as widely heard as most of the others.

But then there's Tennessee Ernie Ford.  That baritone-spewing, Balrog of a crooner, who has broadsided this Record Odyssey of mine time and time again over the years with his all-out shittiness.  He brings his usual Holiday Horror voice to the forefront with his terrifying version of "The Star Carol," which, if his voice tells us anything at all, probably references a frickin' pentagram.

I hate this guy so damn much. . .

VERDICT:  6/10 - Meh (This Greatest Hits-ish compilation features several famous songs that are mandatory listening for the Holiday season, but Tennessee Ernie Ford barges onto the scene and sinks this album a couple points all by his terrifying lonesome.)

- SHELVED -

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. LI

Don't kid yourself, America.  You know you missed this.

It's that time once again, folks.  We're in the Holiday Pre-Season.  Halloween is long, past dead, and even though we've yet to run that whole Thanksgiving gauntlet. . . who cares.  It's not like Thanksgiving is a real holiday anyway.

Do you see end-caps at Meijer or Target advertising Thanksgiving merch, aside from hand-towels?  No?  Well, there you have it.  Not a real holiday.

Now as we've discussed here in this blog in previous years, the Holiday Pre-Season here in the Hough household brings about one of my favorite yuletide traditions:  the audio-scrutinization of every, last Christmas LP I own.  I dig out all of my Holiday vinyl (which, over the last few years, has gotten to be quite substantial indeed) and put aside the tried-and-true classics for repeated use in my designated Crate of Yuletide Awesomeness.  Check it out:

There's about thirty or so LPs that get to chill out in this place of honor, and these are ones that I play on a pretty regular basis throughout the Holiday season.  Other albums that I still consider worth keeping, deem mandatory classics, or otherwise don't find myself playing a lot - like Christmas with the Chipmunks, or Disney's Christmas All-Time Favorites (call me crazy, I don't have a hankerin' for children's music all that much anymore) - are put away safely in storage for Christmases yet-to-come (say, when I have grandkids or something.)

This Battle Station is fully operational.  Bring on the Holidays, motherf***ers.

I keep a separate crate of unplayed, untried, and untested Holiday vinyl off to the side, atop my sub-woofer (see picture.)  As each Christmas record is tried out on my turntable, it either a.) finds its way into the Crate of Yuletide Awesomeness, b.) is kept shelved away in storage for future Christmases, or c.) it's thrown in the 'Donate to Goodwill/Sell to Radio Wasteland' pile.  Each album is given careful consideration and scrutiny, which I then disclose to you, dear reader, in hopes of saving you the trouble of going through this process on your own.

Granted, I'm sure I'm one of, like, six people on Earth that undertake this endeavor, buuuut. . . I think it's worth it.

And so, with my reintroduction to the Craft being once again given, nestle in by the fire, pour yourself a holly, jolly egg-nog (I take mine with rum), and let's set off once again on this, our Great Christmas Record Odyssey. . .

Album Title:  Christmas Songs

Album Artist:  Bad Religion

For this, my 51st record that I've reviewed on this Odyssey, we hit the ground running.

That kid's so damn happy he got shoes for Christmas. . .

Bad Religion, for those of you not familiar with punk rock - the genre, the scene, the culture - are one of those few bands that are universally respected, if not adored, by everyone.  I can count on one hand the few other bands in punk rock that are just as well universally praised:  Operation Ivy, The Clash, The Misfits. . . that might be it.  Bad Religion have been around since the early '80s, and as elder statesmen, perform with the experience and credibility of a band that gives zero f***s whether or not you like them or buy their music.

Only one side of this album has music - kind of a short list.

This freedom to focus on music has given their sound a weight that many bands in the genre lack.  Greg Gaffin, their lead singer and principle songwriter, sings with a battle-worn conviction that few bands today - in any genre - can match.  This is one of the reasons why the far-fetched concept of a well-respected, universally-loved punk band covering Christmas standards works.

For example, the vocals on 'O Come All Ye Faithful' reverberate like a street anthem - a rallying cry for revolutionaries and Holiday cocktail aficionados alike.  You can pump your fist to it:  Greg's not just singing a seasonal song, folks.  Listening to this you believe he means lives and breathes every word of the song.

So, this album is good, and I'd even say some of the tracks are great. . . but I can't see myself giving this one above an '8' rating.

One of the greatest labels in punk music. . .

Here's the main reason why:  they keep the tempo and sound the same throughout the entirety of the album, with little variation.  Granted, punk rock is supposed to be fast and/or hard - it's the soundtrack to skateboarding, mosh pits, driving too fast down the highway, overthrowing a government, etc.  But, from start-to-finish, across an entire album - filled with many songs that are performed traditionally slow - can get tiresome.  Giving songs a 'punk cover' was all the rage in the '90s, and some bands - looking at YOU, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - totally made a career out of taking old songs, speeding them up, and singing them in a 'punk' way.

This is the first CD I've owned since 2006. . .

Gaffin, as a solo artist, has recorded a couple really solid country/folk, Americana-punk albums that are hauntingly good (Millport, Cold as the Clay, etc.)  Had he gotten Bad Religion behind that style instead and given a few of these tracks that kind of treatment, this album could've instantly become a modern classic.

Instead, I'm more than happy to settle for it being really, really good.

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome (Punk rock elder statesmen pump out a badass Christmas album and don't give a f***  about slowing down occasionally for variety's sake.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

The Hough's 700th Episode: A Super-Busy Holiday Sunday

Good evening, readers.

I could write a frickin' book about this shit.  Seriously.

Today was absolutely insane.  Not a huge fan of days where from sun-up to sun-down there's a ridiculous amount of crap to do, but I suppose the closer we draw to the Holidays the more and more we're liable to see this play out on a daily basis. 

This morning, bright and early, Kris had to get Alayna and Abby around for church, and she had to go to the early service because the girls had to rehearse for their Christmas Program in the evening (I'll come back to that in a bit.)  Yours Truly stayed back to work on schoolwork and lesson planning, as the handful of hours in the morning was literally all I had before the beginning of the work week.  By the time Kris and the girls got back home from church, it was around 11am, and we loaded everybody up and headed out to the mall for some odds and ends Christmas shopping (for teachers, for Secret Santas, etc.)

Cousin hangout time. . .

Around 1pm, we headed over to my brother Chris' house.  My step-brother Bryan was in town for the Holidays from Vegas, and we were all convening over at Chris' to celebrate our Dad's birthday.  Folks were showing up around 2pm, but we went over a little early to visit with the twins and otherwise shoot the shit with Chris and Nicole before the house filled up with screaming kids.

Here's how that looked. . .

Cindy and Bryan - who brought along Buccilli's (more commonly known as The Greatest Pizza on Earth) showed up around the time Jeff and his family did.  They also brought up a cake for Dad's 65th birthday (his flight in would end up being delayed about an hour, so we had about an extra hour of hang-out-and-drink-beer time before we got to the cake.)

Kris scoops up a twin.

This 'push the chair around the kitchen island' thing was a huge kid with the youngest cousins (the twins and Jeff's youngest, Levi.)

Nana, Scarlett, and - briefly - Tucker.

There was a Lions game on in the background to boot, which was cool. . . at first.  Alas, being the Lions and everything, they blew it at the end and lost to the frickin' Buffalo Bills by a single, Goddamn point.

Dad finally arrives, and it's time for cake. (No idea why Kris is making that face in the background.)

Throwing around snowballs in the living room (check out Chris' Thunderdome he setup to cage his kids.)

Dad and Louis.

Abby attempted to read the boys a story.  It didn't go as planned.

Dad and Samwise.

We ended up leaving Chris and Nicole's around 5pm, because we had some additional Christmas shopping to do before we had to be back at the church at 6pm.  We headed into Target, shopped around for a bit, then cut across town just in time to send our kids off to assemble for the Christmas Program.  The girls had to dress up in pajamas for this (I forget why.)

(I apologize for the quality of this video - I had to drop it down to 480p so it would upload to this site.  Stupid Blogger needs to seriously up its 100mb video limit.)

I tried to figure out how the bell cues were working, but I never did.  Oh well.

So, after they performed this song, there was a brief service and a few more carols to sing, then we came home.  By that point, it was around 7pm, and we had to start the wind-down-for-bed, shower/teeth, reading routine.  You can probably imagine how awesome tonight's cocktail-and-Netflix session was.

- Brian

Kick Out the (Yuletide) Jams, Motherf***ers!

Christmas concert time again. . .

Hey gang,

As you are all well aware of, no holiday season is complete without the mandatory children's pageant and/or choral concert.  Not ones to be left behind in said undertaking, Kris and I once again had our offspring participate in Kris' church's (Peace United Methodist of Hunter's Creek) annual Christmas concert-thingy.  The girls love getting up on a stage and singing, but we definitely reinforced it, as it is one of those Christmas things you're obligated to make your kids do.

Am I right, America?  Damn straight I am.

The concert kicked off at 6pm, and I left straight from work to meet Kris and the girls at the church.  While Kris got the kids ready - fixing hair and outfits, etc. - I was able to wrap up some schoolwork on my laptop, sitting in my car in the parking lot.  When it finally was time for the show to start, we snagged some front row seats and settled in for what I could only assume (with no small degree of disdain, of course) would be an hour-long affair, much like last year.

You can imagine, then, my joy when our girls finished their performance and we found ourselves leaving the church a whopping fifteen minutes after the show started.  Unfortunately, the video we took tonight, being HD and all, is way too large to upload here, but here's some stills from the evening's performance (which the girls rocked the bejesus out of, by the way):

Enjoy:

Healthy snacks before the show starts. . .

The stage. 

Kris springs into action (she forgot the Santa Hats)

The chick in the red skirt is the choir director.  I don't remember her name.

The Little Rocks

This song featured a countdown, just in case you were wondering what the hell was up with the numbers. 

Abby freestyled a lot with the hand gestures throughout the show.

Donkey songs.

Abby's diva-ness started taking over about half-way through the concert, and the audience was cracking up as she shook her hips and struck dramatic poses throughout the last few songs. 

Exiting the stage, their eight minutes in the spotlight finished.

Stay tuned for more holiday weirdness, folks.

- Brian