The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXLVI

Wait wait wait - a Renaissance-inspired, a cappella, Christmas album recorded by a bunch of nerdy high school students in the 1970's? Did Christmas come early this year or what?  

Album Title:  Twenty Best Loved Carols

Album Artist:  The Tappan Zee Madrigal Singers

So, when I hear the word 'Madrigal,' I think of that shitty Disney movie Encanto. You know how each Disney movie that comes out now has to highlight some random culture from elsewhere in the world ('cause diversity)? Well, Encanto is based somewhere down in South America, and the main family's surname is Madrigal. The grandmother is a huge bitch and should have been killed off by the drug cartels instead of her husband at the beginning of the movie, but hey - Disney didn't consult me when they were developing the film.

Anyway, 'Madrigal' on this album doesn't refer to Encanto, but instead to some random form of Italian singing dating back to the Renaissance and Late Baroque periods (I clearly didn't know this ahead of time, I Googled it when I first checked out the album cover.) So what we have here, by the looks of things, is some '70s-ish Choir of young adults (or teenagers), recording Christmas songs as a Choir for some Holiday album. In a Renaissance-y sorta way.

You excited yet?

Right away we can get a pretty good idea of what we're getting ourselves into here. Hell, we just covered a different high school choir recording a Christmas album (well, sort of) a couple weeks ago. These people are bound to be able to sing well enough (otherwise why the hell would they get their own Holiday alb- wait, never mind, I've reviewed plenty of albums that were horribly sung.) 

The recording quality here sounds half-way competent - they didn't hire the local 'tech guy' from the First Baptist Church down the street to run the reels - so this album, from a production standpoint at least, isn't terrible. 

The same can't be said for the song selection, and, well, the arrangements.

Whoever arranged these tracks wrote the vocal sheet music as if they were a Medieval Times enthusiast with a hankering for Beatnik literature and math-jazz. There's a sprinkling of songs on this release that sound traditional, in a church choir singing a familiar church song sorta way, but most of the album is just. . . odd. The arranger/conductor/whatever leaned hard into a contemporary sound for these 'Madrigal' singers, in order to - and I'm spit-ballin' here - capitalize on their 'youthful energies.' 

Imagine you're a composer in his mid-40s, working at some university or whatever, and you special in vocal arrangements. You're fond of cigarettes and turtlenecks, and have appeared on multiple, local television programs in that 2am-5am window. You've been given money by a school to record an album to showcase the school's talented choir, and all you have to do is write renditions of twenty, random Christmas songs, with vocals arrangements that fit the performers.

So, falling to hubris, you start concocting the most un-Christmas-y sheet music known to man. Imagine Charlie Brown's Christmas album, but geared towards 18-year-olds who are obsessed with Shakespeare and the paintings of Edmund Blair Leighton. It's a career-killing move, unless you're tenured and can literally do whatever the damn hell you want at your age. 

These vocal arrangements are far too 'jazzy' for standard Christmas Carols sung by a choir - this sounds like the sort of nonsense art students would listen to during the Holidays. And not the usual 'hipster' art students, mind you - don't get me wrong here, folks. No, these are the classically-trained art students who LOVE the Middle Ages and revel in Medieval aesthetic. Like, you know damn well each and every one of them has a favorite chanting monk.

Jesus, just look at the picture of this choir on the front album cover - do you think they were asked to dress like that or they just showed up to rehearsal wearing those get-ups?

Is that the whole 'Madrigal' thing I learned about? Weird chord progressions and vocal acrobatics? Sure, they show off a vocalist's range, but. . . who honestly cares how well a 17-year-old can sing? Do you? Are you going to get invested in a bunch of kids who can sing well, and, like, follow their careers over the years and root for them? Maybe start following them around on tour in a Volkswagen bus and make a series of poor decisions along the way?

No. Hell no you're not, because nobody cares about teenagers. Trust me, I know - I teach middle school. 

This album's major failing (aside from the aforementioned vocal arrangements) are that a solid portion of this track list is comprised of songs that no one, in their Goddamn right mind, would ever want to listen to. Especially on a Christmas album. Yeah, they have a few famous Christmas staples on here ('Joy to the World,' 'O Come All Ye Faithful,' etc.), but they're outnumbered by over double the amount of obscure, religious songs that were most likely penned by penitent monks in the 12th century. They could be based (loosely) on Jesus' birth and the Nativity and whatever (the church-y Christmas stuff), but it's a stretch.

I mean, what the F*** does 'Balulalow' mean?

They had the audacity to name this album Twenty Best Loved Carols, when, in all actuality, it should have been named after the second track on Side A, 'Come, Gay Shepherds.'

Wakka wakka.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll  (This album should be burned at the stake for witchcraft. It gets a couple pity points for having a few, traditional - but still boring - church-ish choir numbers in its track list. )

- SHELVED -

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXLI

Alright music lovers, time for another frightening dive into the nether regions of Holiday musicalness. . .

Album Title:  Songs for All Seasons

Album Artist:  Angelus Choir, Directed by Naomi Stucki

I've reviewed a lot of Christmas albums over the years with choirs, but I don't think I've ever reviewed one this low budget before.

This lil' beauty was picked up from Radio Wasteland a couple years ago (from the Dollar Bin, obviously), and its selection was based solely on the fact that something this ridiculous-looking - and obviously low-budget - would have to be pretty fun to listen to.

It did not disappoint.

I often remark about 'production value' in these Christmas Records posts, how some albums seem to have a lot of money behind them judging by the quality of the mix, the arrangements, vocal levels/clarity, etc. Other times albums appear to be mixed by a brace of crackheads who have broken into a basement in order to steal copper wiring to fund their next fix, only to find a crappy, DIY recording studio on the other side of a beat-up washer and dryer.

There's zero 'production value' to speak of on this album. This album sounds as if someone brought out a cassette recorder, hit 'record', and let a room full of young girls give it the ol' college try for a half an hour or so.

Basically how I recorded all my college band albums back in the early 2000s. Except replace 'teenage girls' with 'drunk guys in their early 20s with delusions of grandeur.'

Anyway, here's what we got: there's a woman behind a church organ, but not one of those giant, brass-piped mamma jammas that shake the stone walls of a cathedral. Nay, this is one of those wood-paneled jobs that every congregation across the United States has (almost always manned by some 90-year-old woman whose sole, remaining purpose in life is to man said instrument.) In fact, this maybe one of those instances where we can 100% judge an album by it's cover, folks - this is exactly what this album sounds like.

They bring in like twenty or so teenage girls, have them crowd around the old crone and her organ (and sometimes she's got it set to 'piano'), and have them sing a selection of church music. Based on the audio, I'd wager that the audio is being picked up from a solitary microphone suspended from the ceiling, right above the organ. The vocals drown out the organ whenever the gals start belting it out, and I'd make a joke here about 'yOu'D tHiNk ThEsE gUyS wOuLd SpRiNg FoR aNoThEr MiCrOpHoNe,' or something, but based on the fact that the rear side of this album sleeve is BLANK (see image at right), I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that money is an issue.

Which makes sense when you realize that this First Congregational Church, located in my old college stomping ground of Kalamazoo, Michigan, is no longer a church and is now some local library or something. If only they would have sold more of these stellar choir albums, maybe they wouldn't have had to close down, who knows.

So can the ladies sing on this album? Uh, I guess - they sound like a high school choir singing, honestly. Probably better than I could sing, but like, who cares? 

I guess I'm struggling with the whole purpose of this album, you know? Who's the target audience, these kids' parents? Folks who attend (well, used to attend) this church? If the First Congregational gang ended up shutting down, was this recording why? Did this fool-hardy project bankrupt them? I can't imagine pressing vinyl was super cheap back in the day, and they clearly didn't have a giant budget to begin with (see: no rear sleeve art, only one microphone, etc.) Was this a wise move, recording this in the first place? Couldn't these kids' parents just listen to them sing in church and call it good? Why waste the money?

Anyway, back to the music, sorry. About 80% of the music on this album doesn't even qualify as Christmas music. It's mostly church music, so the fact they titled this venture 'Songs for All Seasons' is kinda shitty. Yes, technically you're right - you can listen to church music all season long. But who's going to throw this album on in the middle of May with a few Christmas songs on it? I love me some Christmas music, but even I cringe whenever I hear Holiday jams outside of the mid-November to New Years Eve window. 

In summary, this album is a choir of teenage girls singing along with an organ, poorly recorded, with a track list that could hardly be considered a Christmas album at all. The singing isn't terrible, per se, it's just a bunch of teenage girls singing along to church music. . . so, if that's your thing you might actually like this (though that's a bit pedo-ish of you, not gonna lie.) Personally, as I listen to it I find myself not being impressed or entertained at all. If anything, I want to learn more about these girls' identities and what ever happened to them. Did any of them ever go on to record further music? Do they work at the library now? So many questions. . .

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (A gaggle of teenage girls from Kalamazoo poorly record an album that hardly qualifies as a Christmas music, bankrupt their church, then. . . I don't know, probably go on to make further poor decisions later in life.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXXXV

Strap yourself in for another spin around ye olde turntable, gang. . .

Album Title:  Holiday Greetings

Album Artist:  Birchwood Chorale

I'm not entirely sure where this one came from. I have a stack of, like, forty un-reviewed LPs downstairs in my storage room that I pull from every year for new posts on this site of mine, and because of this I never made it out to Radio Wasteland this year - my local record store - to pick up any more. Probably the first time I haven't done so in like six or so years, Jim most likely thinks I'm dead. Anyway, if I had to guess, I'd wager I picked it up from their Dollar Bin at some point int he past, because it was still shrink-wrapped with the price sticker (a whopping 99 cents) still on it.

Brand new, never played, about as Mint as a forty-five year old record can be.

. . . this can't be a good sign.

So kicking things off on Side A on this sum'bitch, I realized that this album cover art was a little misleading. I assumed there'd be a stand-out, female vocalist on this release. Some chick who, as the picture indicates, enjoys her Holidays with some LCD in her egg nog. Not so much the case, though - I should've caught the 'Chorale' at first glance and realized then that it was a choir-based album, and not some churchy-type tripping balls on yuletide acid.

We've reviewed a ton of 'chorales' on this blog over the years, and the sound majority of those generally sound like church choirs, landing anywhere on the 'professional' to 'Cousin Frank has a microphone-to-reel set up and for $40 and a case of Schlitz he said he'd record your church group next Thursday at 3pm' scale. This doesn't quite sound like a church choir to me, despite some of the religious carols that are being sung here. No, this is more dramatic, like some 'touring' group that puts on a show at your local civic or arts center, and you go with your significant other for like $10 a ticket and sit around a bunch of other folks who equally were in the same 'Eh, it doesn't sound like an awesome time, but if you're bored we could go and check it out' boat.

That's the sort of show where the vocal arrangements are artsier than they need to be, in order to display the singers' range - which, to be fair, is pretty good here. No doubt these folks can sing, and the recording quality is on point for the time: it's mixed well, no dramatic highs and low that make you spill your drink out of fear or anything like that, and the male and female vocals emerge out of the left and right channels (you would want to listen to this in Mono for sure.) There's no music accompaniment except for a soft piano here that serves more as a grounding agent than anything else, so most of the heavy lifting is done by the chorale.

Not falling into the pitfalls of the more-common-than-it-should-be-practice of 'Holiday Originals,' the folks who laid out this track list crammed it full of Holiday staples. This make sense, because if you were going to your local civic center to watch this three-hour choir concert (because you're old now and that's what passes as weekend entertainment at this stage in your life) and you didn't recognize any of the songs, you'd probably have a long, awkward ride home afterwards. And you'd be sleeping on the couch.

You could probably listen to one song off this record and be like, "Okay, I get it." But after nearly forty-five minutes, or seven hours, or however damn long this album is, I feel a little like I'm hallucinating myself. Has this been the same song the entire time? Is the five-headed wreath harpy on the album cover merging into a singular, yuletide Beelzebub? After so much dramatic singing to little-to-no music - often times dialed up to 11, in like John Williams' 'Duel of the Fates' territory,' you feel your brain melting down the back of your shirt.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think I'll just skip the acid and just stick to whiskey in my egg nog this Holiday Season, thank you very much. I'm too old for a long, strange trip like this.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (Decent singing, as far as chorales go, but one can only take sooo much of this kind of art form in one sitting before questioning the reality of everything around them. And personally, I don't like it when the colors on my walls start speaking to me. . .)

- SHELVED -

- Brian

Rhapsody

Hey guys,

Alayna and the violins, rehearsing for the evening earlier in the afternoon.

So this evening we attended Midland High School's big, annual, musical showcase at the Midland Center for the Arts, Rhapsody Rendezvous. I've discussed this before, but in case you forgot what this shindig's all about, it's like a 2-3 hour long variety show that features multiple bands, orchestras, soloists, singers, choirs, and ensemble groups. The school's various choirs, orchestras, and the marching band all perform a few songs, there are kids who sing (solos and duets), little theater skits, groups of instrumentalists doing numbers, and even a staff skit (usually just a bunch of them dancing along to some popular song.) And, of course, there are excruciating 'skits' by the evening's five MC's between songs which serve as a time buffer for the stage crews to tear down and set up the stage for the next act behind the curtain.

Abby and the cellos, also rehearsing earlier in the afternoon. . .

This year Alayna and Abby would be performing in a couple different orchestral numbers (for Symphonic and Honors Orchestras), and Abby would be doing their High Kick routine with the Varsity Pom Team. Fortunately, this year the event fell on a Saturday, which was awesome for us 'cause last year they held this on a frickin' school night and we didn't end up getting out of there until well past 10:30pm (not ideal when you have to wake up the next morning at 5:30am. 

Kris took some video of the Symphonic Orchestra's performance, but the song - a medley of all the big themes from The Phantom of the Opera - clocked in around ten minutes, so it was obviously too long to upload here. Fortunately she accidentally stopped the video at about the two-minute mark so I was able to upload a small snippet of the first part of the suite. The Honors performance video, which was from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, was also too long to upload here, but I was able to get the pom routine for you. . . so you won't be totally empty-handed here.

Anyway, we got some pics of the show and of afterwards while attempting to collect our kids following the close of the evening's performances. Enjoy. . .

Abby and the Varsity Pom Team, getting ready backstage.

Some of the orchestra kids getting ready backstage.

Rehearsing with the orchestra before folks start to arrive (I screenshot some of the pics a professional photographer got this evening - you're welcome.)

We had decent seats this evening, but Kris opted to take video of this first orchestra performance and some asshole's head was front and center. . . I should have just taken the video myself.

The first two minutes of the Symphonic Orchestra's performance.

About an hour later, the Honor's Orchestra (which is noticeably smaller) performing their suite.

Standing up for applause following their number (Alayna is off to the left, and Abby is kinda towards the middle in the back.)

The MHS Varsity Pom Team routine performed third from last (preceding the teacher skit and the marching band, which is always the closing act), doing their hair routine from High Kick. Abby will be off to the right in most of these pictures.

A little dark, but at least it's a better vantage point.

(I can't kick that high.)

The kick line.

Closing the evening's showcase with the MHS Marching Band.

Abby and Kyle, following the end of the performances.

Kiersten, Ella, Abby and Harper pose for a group pic as they exit the backstage area.

Meeting up with our kids after this showcase is always a royal pain - there are hundreds of kids and maybe a thousand parents all trying to find their kids, so we always stand around for like a half an hour trying to track down the girls. My folks drove up from Clare and, as usual, brought the girls some flowers to congratulate them on their performances (Alayna isn't shy at all about demanding that they do so.)

Sebastian brought Alayna (and Abby) flowers as well.

Abby eventually showed up and we were able to get some pictures quick of her as well.

Both kids.

Of course the Johnson kid was there, too - she's basically our third daughter.

Abby and one of her old teammates from the JV Pom Team.

Some weird flower pic the girls insisted on taking.

It wouldn't be a true orchestra concert evening if the girls didn't track down their teacher, Ms. Mammassian, for a photo with her.

So there you go, folks - yet another orchestra concert with the Hough girls. Pretty sure we have another one next month, so stay tuned for that one.

- Brian