The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CVIII

Welcome back to the Odyssey. Grab a drink, guys - you're gonna need it for this one. . .

Album Title:  Swingle Bells

Album Artist:  Various Artists

A quick glance at this one, one is immediately struck by the 'clever' play on words, Swingle Bells. You know, 'Jingle Bells'. . . buuuuuut with some kind of a 'swing' element thrown in. So when I saw this one at Radio Wasteland last weekend (this one I snatched up recently), I figured this was too good to pass up. 

I mean, 'swing' could mean several, different things. Perhaps it's the sort of swing from the 1940s, the Glenn Miller variety. Or it could also mean 'swing' in the 1960s, pop way (a la Ray Conniff, etc.) Maybe some kinda Hooked on Swing sorta thing, who knows.

But then one's eyes are drawn to the rainbow coloring of the text, and 'swingle' suddenly takes on a whole, different meaning all together. Perhaps, dear readers, 'swing' in this sense is a Saturday night party, in some South Florida gated community, where a bunch of older guys get together, drink a lot of bad things, and do lots of gross stuff to one another. Underneath the mistletoe, of course - this is a Christmas album. 

I mean honestly, this could go in a lot of different directions, folks.

Yet, now that I'm listening to it, I still don't know what to make of this album.

First things first, these aren't legit artists - if they were, they'd have their name on the front cover (or, at the very least, credited next to the songs on the track listing on the back.) No, this is like an eight-person a cappella group (too shitty to even have a frickin' name) but backed by a stripped down band of - I assume - local studio musicians. The production value of this album, while certainly not setting anyone back in terms of 'paying for talent,' is at least mixed well.

And that, dear readers, is about the only thing that this weird, weird album has going for it.

What I've learned this evening is that there is, indeed, such as thing as too much 'swing.'

The singers on this album can definitely carry a tune, so there's nothing to complain about in terms of their actual voices, per se, but rather it's the manner in which they're wielding these voices of theirs that's the issue.  There's a lot of scat-singing (I'd say 'scatting' here, but I think that has to do with animal poop or something), which actually outranks yodeling on the Most Annoying Singing Styles Scale. 

Like, why use words when you can just sing 'bum-bum-ba-dum dum, biddy-biddy-dabba-babba' and crap like that to the tune of Christmas carols?

What the f***.

Technically, there's only like eleven tracks on this particular album, but most of these are medleys, which means the overly-jazzy, full-swinging scat-singing usually stops after the first leg of the medley and then abruptly transitions into a church choir singing softly and quietly the unintelligible lyrics to some European peasant carol. You literally go from go-go dancing to German monks singing in crumbling cathedrals in only a handful of measures. Call it a medley if you want, but I think it's more accurately referred to as a shitshow.

"Thank you coming to this evening's performance.  Have a safe drive home."

Want a feeling for what this album sounds like? Pretend you and your date are going out to your local Community College for a Thursday evening (yes, Thursday evening) musical program, back in the mid-'60s. Neither of you attend said Community College, nor do you know anyone who goes there, but admission is only $2 and what the hell, right?  Well, it's the Holiday season, so you're expecting to hear some Christmas songs (that's a no-brainer) so after you guys pick up some complimentary hot chocolates and take your seats (first come first serve, folks), the 'show' starts. 

The theater and music clubs that put this on then take the stage, all dressed in black turtlenecks. There's interpretive dance, there's a small collection of beatnik musicians at the rear of the stage (all clearly high as kites), and there's a lot of spoken word deliverance between the music numbers, delivered by angry-looking women who seem to hate the Holidays just as much as they hate the Patriarchy. 

At the end of the evening, on the drive home, your date doesn't say a f***ing word to you. And you never hear from them again.

Sound like fun?  Of course it doesn't.

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (Turns out 'scat' does mean shit.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. LXV

Alright folks, time to mix yourself up a Christmas cocktail and settle on in for another round of Yuletide jam analysis. . .

Album Title:  Boogie Woogie Christmas

Album Artist:  The Brian Setzer Orchestra

So I bought this one off Amazon about a month ago, as I've had this in my digital library for years and a number of Setzer's songs have repeatedly appeared on my customized Holiday playlists.  I was pleasantly surprised to find, upon opening the album up, that the record was pressed on limited-edition, green and white splattered vinyl.  And sure, while it doesn't necessarily improve the sound quality, per se, it does look pretty awesome on the turntable.  Colored vinyl is definitely a gimmick, but it's a gimmick that works, folks.

Anyway, by far my favorite track on this album - the the number one reason I pulled the trigger on this purchase - is Setzer's 'The Nutcracker Suite.'  This may be my all-time favorite homage to Tchaikovsky, since it covers such a wide array of source material and delivery.  All the highlight's of the great Russian masterpiece are touched on here - 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies,' 'Russian Dance,' etc. - and the track sways back and forth between Setzer's trademark, rockabilly swing and more traditional classical music (granted, with muted guitars.)  He knows when to put the foot to the pedal for the louder and more up-tempo parts of this piece, but also knows when to pump the brakes (when the melodies are supposed to be quiet and/or slower.)  Setzer is smart enough to know that his ballsy horny section shouldn't be blaring full-tilt throughout the entirety of the suite - smart thinking that so many other acts would've botched, for sure.

All in all, this is a fun take on a Christmas classic, and as a result this song has been featured in countless movies, commercials, compilation releases, and, most importantly, Brian Hough playlists.

Highs and lows from Brian Setzer.

Now, as for the rest of the album, we're left with what could easily be expected from Setzer.  Nearly all of the songs on here feature either the full-horn section of the classic 'swing' sound, or else the walking bass and surf guitar that embodied the Stray Cats (Setzer's notable band.)  Some songs - 'Winter Wonderland,' 'Run Rudolph Run,' 'The Man with a Bag,' etc. - work well because they're well-known songs that have been done in the past with a certain 'rock' angle, so Setzer's sound translates well to them.  Others, however - most notably 'Baby It's Cold Outside' - are terrible songs to begin with, and Setzer doesn't really seem to know what to do with them.  

He's got an original on here, too, called 'Boogie Woogie Santa' which is pretty painful to listen to.  It suffers from my number one grip of Setzer, and that is it tries too hard to be cool.  

Seriously.  F*** these guys.

Do you remember how, during the summer of 1998, swing music was suddenly popular again?  There were all these stupid zoot suit bands popping up, and it was all over MTV, and I even saw a couple of those bands perform at Warped Tour down in Detroit when my friends and I went to see punk bands like Rancid, Bad Religion, and NOFX.  Then, the fall came, and all those bands disappeared and were never heard from again.

(Thank God.)

Well, those swing bands tried way too hard to be cool.  Their whole shtick was just a lame gimmick.  Their stupid outfits, their blatant attempt at resurrecting a music and dance style that was long-dead before Elvis and Chuck Berry stepped on to a stage, but most importantly their lyrics about their musical genre.  Folks, if you have to tell people how cool you are all the time, you're not very cool.  

And Setzer goes out of his way from time to time on this release to make sure everyone knows just how cool he is, and he doesn't really need to.  I wish he just stuck to arranging classic Christmas songs instead, like he did with Tchaikovsky, because if he had done that this album could've been great instead of good.

VERDICT:  7/10 - Pretty Rad (A solid assortment of Christmas classic given the usual Brian Setzer treatment, that delivers from time to time but also suffers from the former Stray Cat trying too hard to be cool.) 

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian