The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXXIV

A true behemoth of a Holiday album awaits thee, music-lovers. Strap yourself in. . .

Album Title:  Winter Wonderland

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Kids, I've had this double-LP release on my list for years.

Years.

I took one look at the track list on this this thing and realized it wasn't something that could be realistically passed up. Alas, seeing how it was out of print I wasn't thrilled with paying Amazon's exuberant, post-Covid price. Eventually, over the summer, it dipped down to like $22 and I pulled the trigger on it. Sadly it's not pressed on colored vinyl - which would have been a nice, if not trivial, bonus.

Considering most of the songs on here are well-known, I figured the easiest thing to do here is lean hard into those tracks on this album that aren't seasonal favorites. I mean, at this point in the grand scheme of things, what more am I going to say about Brenda Lee's 'Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree?' Who the hell am I to comment on something like that? 

Some random guy dying on some random hill in some obscure corner of the World Wide Web, that's who. 

So, taking this into consideration, I'm going to break each of these four sides down one at a time and introduce you to some of the Holiday jams on here that you may or may not have heard. . .

The inner record sleeves for this release are pretty fancy, too.

Disc 1, Side A.

They come out of the gate strong with the first two songs, no question there. But Track 3 pumps the brakes pretty damn fast. This whole compilation is definitely themed, showcasing Christmas standards from the 40's - 60's. You have a whole splattering of familiar faces (looking at the track listing on these four sides, you can see who I'm talking about), but then you're presented with a handful of 'filler' artists that were probably label rank-and-file back in the day. Paul Anka is one of these guys.

Paul himself doesn't sound all that bad (for a '50s teen idol, I guess), but his backup singers - who introduce 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus' and then make weird little appearances throughout the following minutes - are really, really bad. You know that old elementary school taunt/chant, "So-and-so and so-and-so/in a tree/K-I-S-S-I-N-G"? That's essentially their delivery, except it sounds like the whole gaggle of hens got into a box of Franzia and had their way with it.

Billy Fury - who, honestly, sounds like he should be a G.I. Joe instead of a '50's crooner - isn't one I usually associate with Christmas, but 'My Christmas Prayer' is decent. I can't find any fault in it, really, but I've never heard this song before and I'm pretty sure I know why: this is 97% '50s teen ballad and 3% Christmas. If it weren't for the jingle bells playing softly in the background, and maybe half a dozen mentions of 'Christmas' and 'Snow' in the lyrics, you wouldn't think this was a Christmas song. If you were driving around in your car and this was in the background, you'd probably never know.

'Blue Christmas' wraps up the end of Side A, but for whatever f***ing reason the geniuses behind this compilation decided to pass on the quintessential version done by Elvis, opting instead for Bobby Vee. Bobby is to Elvis as The Chad Mitchell Trio are to Bob Dylan. 'Are they both folk artists?'  Yeah, sure. But one of them is Bob frickin' Dylan, and the others can be found collecting dust in your local Goodwill. While the arrangement itself isn't bad objectively, whoever recorded this dual-layered Bobby's vocals terribly, so it sounds like he's singing with his twin instead of just boosting his own vocals. 

So like The Proclaimers, if you will. But only they're a Chad Mitchell Trio-tier act covering a Holiday staple done by someone far superior.

Disc 1, Side B:

Every song on this side is a  Holiday banger. Every. Last. One. You've heard 'em all, they're great.

Move along, folks.

Disc 2, Side C:

This one defies all rational thought: who in their right mind would include 'Rockin' Robin'' on a Holiday album?  

When I first spotted this on the track list, I thought to myself, "Well, maybe they recorded an alternate version, where the lyrics are adjusted slightly to make it Christmas-y. And maybe they added jingle bells or something."

Nope. 

It's the same version you've heard your entire life. Did they throw it in there just because the rest of the album is mostly '50s music?  I didn't know folks could do that, just throw whatever songs you want onto a Holiday compilation.  

I really like Led Zeppelin's 'Good Times, Bad Times' but I'm NOT about to dump it into one of my Holiday playlists. Good f***ing Lord.

Pat Boone has never been one of my favorites, but his version of 'Here Comes Santa Claus' is easily over-looked. Not stupendous, but meh - it's unoffensive filler that's easily overlooked if not short in duration.

Bobby Vee closes out yet another Side with yet another lackluster version of a song done soooo much better by so many other performers in existence. It boggles the mind why the producers of this compilation leaned so hard into this guy.

Seriously. They couldn't pull the trigger on another Sinatra or Bing song? Those guys are BOTH already in this compilation, and their versions are leaps and bounds above this one.

Disc 2, Side D:

Again, another side of Christmas classics (thank God.) Just take a gander at the track listing here - each one of those is a song you know every note to, it's ingrained in your soul at this point. I don't have a single complaint on this side either.

So, after listening to four sides of this jam-packed, Holiday compilation, I'm not regretting this purchase at all. Odd music selections aside - and damn, some of those were really, really weird - I will give the producers props for creating a compilation that flows incredibly well. This era in Christmas music was perfectly captured in this release, and, while some of it could have definitely been stricken in favor of other (better) versions, this stands as worthy addition to one's Holiday collection.

. . . . seriously, though - 'Rockin' Robin.'  I mean, c'mon.

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome (A cavalcade of awesome with a sprinkling of lackluster, Holiday bullshit thrown in for good measure. This compilation could have trimmed off the fat and been whittled down to one record and it would have easily been a 10.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian

Romulus, Black Friday, and Some House Guests

Happy Belated Turkey Day, Nation.

I know I've mentioned this before, but we Houghs aren't huge on Thanksgiving.  That may have something to do with the fact that none of us in our family could really be described as 'big eaters,' or that my extended family is seemingly cursed with misfortune, accidents, and/or both during the holiday, and therefore do their best to downplay the event year after year.  Due to the latter, our own family, upon moving back to Michigan, opted to celebrate Thanksgiving with both sides of Kris' extended family instead.

Which I'm totally cool with.

So, once again, we'll be taking you all on a scenic trip to picturesque. . . Romulus, Michigan. And then afterward, back up to Midland where we took in two of Kris' cousin's kids - Scarlett and Kyan - for the weekend, threw up the Christmas Tree, and inadvertently introduced the girls to One Direction.

God help us all. . .

The dreaded Zilwaukee Bridge.  Kris and I both hate this with a passion. . . probably because the history of construction is down-right terrifying and it's not technically sound.

A couple hours later, rolling into Paradise on Earth.

The Landing Strip: best steak in town, evidently (Kris wouldn't stop.)

For the entirety of our visit, Kris and I didn't take any pictures.  It was harder for me than her, obviously.  Anyway, the girls both brought their cameras, so nearly all of the following pictures from our Romulus visit were either taken by Abby or the Cannonball (like this selfie.)

Dance party

Abby and Kris' cousin, Lily (yes, seriously - it's Kris' youngest aunt's youngest kid.)

These kids hid behind this couch playing on a tablet for a good part of the Lions game.  Kept them from making a crapload of noise, so I wasn't complaining.

One of our better 'couple' pics.

More weird selfies.

I don't think that was booze  (the Red Solo Cup was a bad choice on her part.)

This dog's a frickin' BEAST.

The girls spent about an hour outside taking pictures of the empty parking lot across the street: they were convinced their were ghosts in the cars, and kept trying to obtain pictorial evidence of paranormal activity.

Shitting their pants.

Seriously.  Ghosts.

They repeatedly came rushing into Wayne's house, where adults were sitting around after dinner and enjoying interruption-free conversation, to show us 'proof' that they had in fact seen ghosts in the parking lot.  What we found on the SD cards were a shit-load of blurry, poorly-executed night shots.  These girls have a lot to learn when it comes to nighttime photography.

On our way to Kris' Uncle Jeff's house, for a visit with her other side of the family.  We'd end up leaving around 8:30pm (we opted not to stay the night downstate this year), reaching Midland around 10:30 at night.  Kids slept the whole way back, which was awesome, but Kris and I were both dead on our feet.

The next morning - Black Friday.  You'll note that we all slept in and are clearly not in line outside a Best Buy.

Kris did some online browsing from her phone, though.  So that counts for something.

Later on in the day, Kris and the girls drove up to Clare to pick up her cousin Crystal's younger two kids, Scarlett and Kyan.  Their whole family - Crystal, her mom Mickey (Kris' mom's twin), the older sister Victoria, and them - had celebrated Thanksgiving in Clare with Kris' mom, and originally the plan was for the two kids to stay the weekend in Clare. . . but we all knew that Marcy's apartment was going to be nowhere near as much fun as our house (which is bigger, has videogames, etc.), so we offered to take them.

These kids played a shitload of videogames over the weekened (especially Kyan, who repeatedly drained the battery of the Wii U Gamepad.)

Kris, gettin' her hair did.

After dinner we took the kids out to Family Video to pick out a couple movies (and of course they went in costume.)

Alayna and Abby, as previously mentioned, discovered One Direction this weekend (Alayna's dancing here to one of their music videos, via Youtube.)  Perhaps it was a random YouTube find, perhaps it was the influence of a 6th grade girl staying wtih us for the weekend, but it became quite evident to Kris and I that both girls have fully embraced the 'boy band' phase.  They might not quite understand why they like these One Direction videos so much, but Kris - being  herself a once-superfan of New Kids on the Block - sure as hell does.  I wasn't quite ready for the whole boy-band crush thing yet, but I guess it's a right-of-passage for any dad who has to raise daughters.

Later that evening, once we had all four kids down for the night, Kris and I were ready for our annual Black Friday tradition:  decorating the Christmas Tree.  I had spent the last couple days trouble-shooting the lighting situation with the tree (two strands are completely burnt out, so this will be likely the last year we use this paritcular tree), having to string four new strings of lights on the tree and shaping the branches out how I like them.  With that set, and with kids in bed, it was finally time to mix up a Merry Irishman (shown here) and kick off one of our favorite Christmas-time traditions. . .

. . . and, of course, that meant we got to watch our annual Decorating the Tree movie.

We should purchase stock in Hallmark.

(Watson isn't much help.)

The finished product: the Hough Family's 2016 Christmas Tree.

The next morning, as Kris prepares a huge-ass, animal-centric breakfast.

Snuggle time with some pigs (this one's Fuzzy.)

Kyan and Susie. Sunday afternoon, Kris drove Crystal's kids back up to Clare, where they were to be picked up by their mom, and we started putting our house back together for the upcoming week of school and work.

I bought a star for the girls' playroom tree this year.  In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gotten one that was so big, but. . . whatever.  'Tis the season.

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. I

Hi gang.

So, it occurred to me, as we prepare to kick off the Holiday Season, that Yours Truly hasn't shared with you before one of my all-time, favorite Holiday traditions. . .

The systematic audio-scrutinization of every, last one of my Christmas Records.

Every year, during the week of Thanksgiving, I pull out all of my Holiday records from their designated spot on my record shelving, and place them in random order right next to my turntable.  For the next five or six weeks, they are the only records I allow to grace my turntable - all of my other records have to sit in a Yuletide Time-Out until January 2nd.  I play every, last Christmas album I own - regardless of how God-awful horrible it is - appreciating the awesome (or terrible) music, LP artwork, and - more often than not - the inspirational Christmas message scrawled across the back of the record cover.

Then, if the record proves itself worthy, it remains next to the turntable to be played later on in the season (usually multiple times.)  If not, back on the shelf it goes, lucky to have been played at all.

Now, just so you know, most of my Christmas albums were either a.) inherited from grandparents, b.) picked up at thrift stores for 99 cents, or, most commonly, c.) crammed in amongst one of my many garage-sale hauls.  See, down in Florida, I would frequently score stacks of vinyl records in Hunter's Creek community garage sales.  Generally something like $10 for about fifty or sixty records or so.  Lots of John Denver, lots of Winger, lots of Charley Pride, lots of Johnny Mathis.  After chucking the scratched records, the records I didn't want, and the doubles I already owned, I'd have a solid twenty or so records to augment my ever-expanding record collection.  

Usually, I'd keep the Christmas stuff (so long as it wasn't scratched to shit), because - no matter how terrible it might be - the songs are familiar, and each LP gives the daily Holiday listening session a unique (and often hilariously bad) music experience. 

Now, I always kick off this particular tradition of mine during the Thanksgiving week, as back when I was a teacher in Florida I had a full-week off of work, and that was technically our start to the Holiday Season.  With that in mind, today - Sunday, November 22nd - marks the beginning of this year's Great Christmas Record Odyssey.

Let's do this. . .

Album Title:  Merry Christmas

Album Artist:  Johnny Mathis

Just so you know, like many of my other Holiday records, I did not walk into a record store and pick this up on purpose.  Definitely not.  Most of the songs here are standard-issue fare, belted out (likely) in a pill-induced, mellow croon guaranteed to put you to sleep.  Some may disagree with me, but to me this is music my grandparents likely made out to back in the '50s.  While wearing turtlenecks and drinking egg nog at 3pm on a Tuesday.  In fact, they probably fell asleep making out to this album, which is. . . well, weird.

Now let's take a closer look at this album cover:

Clearly, Mr. Mathis has just been skiing.  No big deal, right?  Well, he's sitting in the snow in frickin' slacks. . . which, to me, implies that he just fell on his ass.  Why else would you willingly sit down in the snow in your church pants?  And why the hell would you be smiling about it?  I was on the ski team in high school, and I never smiled after falling - it hurt like hell.  

In addition, I don't see goggles or a hat, either, which, to me, means one of two things:  1.) he's just so damn good at skiing that he doesn't need them (which makes me wonder why he's wasting his time recording Christmas albums that put grandparents to sleep), or 2.) he's so doped up on those sleepy music-inducing pills that he forget the bulk of his ski-ware at home.  Supporting this second point is the fact that, if you look closely, you'll see that he's propping himself up by his left arm. . . with his BARE HAND buried in the snow.  Probably 'cause he can't feel his extremities.

The moral of the story, kids?

Don't do drugs. 

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (points for ridiculously hilarious album artwork)

- SHELVED -

- Brian