Sunday, May 16, 2010

Buggin'

Hey, who likes bugs?

I don't.

Sometimes living in Florida is down right disgusting. Sure the weather's great, but evidently the insect world is a lot like its human counterpart, in that it also flocks to the tropics whenever it can get the chance. The bugs down here are ridiculous, and especially during this time of year.

Jesus, what now?, you may mutter to yourself. I'll tell ya what now: Love Bugs.

And not the smiles n' sunshine, Walt Disney in the '60s, Herbie-kind either. Real, disgusting, voyeuristic, Love Bugs.

Bugs, you naaasty.

If insects floating about copulating with one another wasn't enough - in clouds that could rival any of nastiness found among the Ten Plagues of Egypt - there are bigger, ickier bugs down here than those. There are three inch dragonflies, which, while not necessarily dangerous, still feel really, really gross brushing up against the side of your face as they buzz around your personal space.

Now, on occassion, when living in the tropics, you stumble across real monstrosities. The kind of stuff that God probably made up just to screw with people. One time when I was in Africa I saw a cockroach literally 2/3 the size of my foot. I'm not kidding. I took a picture of it for size comparison.

Little did I know that gargantuan nastiness of the same caliber would find its way over here to the good ol' U.S. of A.

Check this out:


Four inches of blegh. That's what that is. It probably weighed a pound, too. At any rate, it was larger than the back seat of my old Dodge Shadow.

(Trust me.)

The only time I ever want to see bugs like this is during Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, when Willie Scott has to brave a pit of disgusting insects in order to free Dr. Jones and Short Round from the room of impending spike-death. Feel me?

Word.

- Brian



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