Grandma and Disney World

Well Grandma Renee came down for a five day visit on Friday - more or less to see the grandbaby, but we'd like to assume that she didn't mind visiting with us as well. Seeing how I'm the firstborn and all.

Having your mom visit is awesome, 'cause there's always food around and the house and everything's clean. But we didn't import a grandma to run about our place like a house slave, so we figured we'd do the tourist thing one of the days she was here. On Sunday we hit up Disney's Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom, which is always a fun time... though moving through the park with a pregnant woman and a toddler isn't always a 'smooth-sailing' sort of affair. Kris and I took turns going on different rides with Mom, seeing how we didn't want to risk the Cannonball having a total freak-out on a ride we couldn't immediately take her off of.

Myself, Adam and Mom, for example, spent approximately 45 minutes on the African Safari, due to ostriches and poachers continuously blocking our truck's path through the wild.

Yet, although the trek proved tiresome after awhile, we still managed to stop the poachers from kidnapping Little Red. And that's what's important.

Plus, we did get to see giraffes poop. Which is of course always cool.



Anyway, here's some pictures. Enjoy.

- Brian

At the Movies...

It is official.


There are two people in the known world who have yet to see Avatar: some mountain-man hermit living in the backwoods, coal country of West Virginia... and me.

I have not seen Avatar yet, which makes me somehow much like the white rhinoceros. I have nothing against the film, mind you - I just don't like spending more than $3 to see a movie... and seeing how I have yet to invent a working vehicle suitable for time travel (its in the works, people), I doubt I'll be able to hand over three Washingtons for a flick at a movie theater any time soon.

Anyway.

One movie that I do highly recommend to everybody out there is this: Reclaiming the Blade.


Hear me out...


Narrated by John Rhyes Davies and featuring practically every master swordmaster, swordsmith, historian, researcher, and knowledgable person on the face of the earth, this documentary traces the lineage of the sword, discusses its importance throughout history, and details the unique Western Martial Arts commonly practiced throughout the High Middle Ages and Renaissance.

Intrigued? Of course you are!!

When I first stumbled across this film, I practically soiled myself. It's like it was pretty much custom-made to suit my tastes, and it me on the verge of tears from start to finish. True, this may be due to my creepo-obsession with swords, which borders on a LARP-level of pure nerdishness, but I think 'normies' might find this film interesting, too (though my wife would beg to differ).

If you're in the mood for some quality, historical, badical film-making - and don't feel like shelling out more than $3 to see a movie about blue, naked people who run through jungles and hug trees - please check out this movie as soon as humanly possible. You'll be glad you did.

Best Wishes,

- Brian

'Gertrude,' or 'Why Picking Out Baby Names is Arguably the Crappiest Undertaking in the World'

I'm ready to off myself, folks. For real.

I've always been an indecisive person. If not properly motivated (or threatened) by the spouse, I'll spend hours in a store trying to choose between two nearly-identical books, video games, shirts, or what have you. This drives the ol' ball n' chain bonkers, but she's gotten used to it over the years (I attribute this indecision to the Hough OCD).

Now, accordingly, when it comes to 'big ticket items,' such as babies, the difficulty in selection becomes even greater. Naming the Cannonball was a feat unto itself, and it took us taking a mass-text poll directly before, during, and immediately after labor before Kris finally decided to name the kid 'Delilah.' Even after all of that tallying, averaging, analyzing, and evaluating, we still ended up going with the other name, 'Alayna.'

Lucky us, we get to do it all over again. As before, we immediately settled on a boy's name, right off the bat (Wyatt Ulysses - which would've been badass). When it became evident that the life-form growing inside Kris lacked a penis, however, we turned a quick about-face and settled upon a female middle name ('Mae'). This was the case, too, with Alayna (we settled on 'Renee' almost immediately).

Girls names are weird (no offense, ladies). I'd like nothing more than to name the kid something out-of-the-ordinary, like something from Greco-Roman mythology, but Kris isn't holding fast to any of my suggestions. I also have shot down several of her suggestions, which I won't delve into here for fear of reprisal. I'm so sick of this process, in fact, that I'm real close to just saying 'screw it' and naming the little trainwreck 'Gertrude' and being done with it.

Rest assured, readers, that picking out baby names is arguably one of the most unpleasant aspects of having children.

That, and getting poop on your hands. That's pretty bad, too.

House Huntin'

I forgot how much I hate looking for a new place to live. I can't stand it.

We've been at our current residency of almost two years, and have grown rather attached to it. Alas, since Kris decided to up and get pregnant on us, we now have the task - nay, privilege - to go out into the wilds of Central Florida and retain ourselves a new casa de hougho...

Sure, I suppose that with the three bedroom place, we'd have enough space for two kids plus ourselves, if it weren't for two, simple words: man room. I refuse to part with my command center, my shrine, and would rather uproot the clan and resettle elsewhere then watch my hall of dudeship turn into another baby room.

No thanks.

So, as it is now, we spend each weekend looking at scores of 4 Bedroom/2 Bath houses, apartments, and condos. We're even settling for 3 Bedroom/2 Baths, as long as there's some sort of a loft or office den that I can protect from adventurous children that would love nothing more than to impale themselves on one of my swords. So far, we've had a few leads, but 90% of the time we spend hours in front of the computer for absolutely nothing. Its a huge waste of time, but necessary in order to keep up with our family's reproductive progess.

Pfft...

- Brian

Nail in the Coffin.

Well... I'm pretty much screwed, folks.

We went to the OBGYN place and Kris got her first ultrasound test...

...and guess who's having another girl?!

To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement. Of course, yes, I'm happy the kid's healthy and it doesn't look like it has any mental or physical deformities or abnormalities of any kind, so that's always a plus. Still, I really, really wanted a boy this time around, and it looks like fate decided to screw with me.

Anyway, here are some ultrasound pics (though its nearly impossible to read these things unless you're accustomed to reading radar):

This is a shot of the kid's gigantor head. Hopefully this shrinks some before she comes out.

Here's the kid's spine.

And here's the kid's feet.

Lastly, here's another shot of the kid's face.

I'm going to go beat my head against the wall for awhile. And also cry.

- Brian