Santa, a Train, and Ninety Minutes in the Freezing Cold

Season's Greetings, cuties.

This Holiday season's been really, really weird, folks.  Maybe it's the fact that it's a week shorter this year, seeing how Thanksgiving fell one week later in November than it usually does - who knows.  Whatever the case, Kris and I have really been dropping the ball with all things Christmas-y this year:  we've been half-assing the whole Elf on the Shelf thing, we haven't gotten around to Christmas Cards yet (not sure if we're even doing it this year, seeing how we're already half-way through December), and the kids haven't even been to frickin' Bronners.

Good grief.

Anyway, we were able to remedy at least one of our parental deficiencies today:  we hauled our kids downtown to Midland's famous Santa House so the kids could greet 'Santa.'  This year was more than a little awkward - neither kid sat on his lap (they're to the age where they're a little too old for that), so they just kinda stood facing him and told him what they wanted.

Midland's City Court House - all decked out to the 9's for the Holidays. . .

Gotta love meet-and-greets with Mr. Claus.

Anyway, here's how we spent that two-hour mandatory Christmas outing.  Kris and the girls got to ride a train, I froze my ass off standing in line for over an hour, and the girls got their last-minute wish items in.

Happy frickin' Christmas, everybody. . .

Downtown Midland and Santa's train.  The Santa House opens up on certain days at 1:30pm, so Kris and I had tried getting the kids out the door by 1:00pm in order to drive down, find a good parking spot, and snag a spot in line before the line backed up too long.  Alas, the girls took forever getting around this afternoon, so we didn't get down there until 1:40 or so.  By that time, the line was backed up down the sidewalk, so I grudingly assumed a position in line while Kris walked the girls down to the train to pass some time.

A train on wheels?  Clearly they don't understand how trains operate up there in the North Pole. . .

The girls didn't have to wait long to board the train - nearly everybody was waiting in line, like me.

More weird selfies with mom.

About an hour later, after the girls' train ride around Midland - and after Kris ran across the street to pick up a couple plates of cinnamon rolls from her church, First United Methodist - the rest of my family joined me in line.  By that point in time, I was right up against Santa's House, about a dozen or so people back from the front.  The kids goofed around in the yard, not wanting to stand around bored in line (can't say I blame them - I was frozen to the bone and bored out of my mind.)

Checking out a one-armed Elf near the Santa sign.

Trust falls.  Why not.

Sisters, bein' weird.

Waiting outside the Red Door for admittance into Santa's crib.

FINALLY inside, after about an hour and fifteen minutes of freezing my ass off outside.  My toes and fingers were numb by this point, which happens all the time now thanks to getting frostbite back in 1998 when I was on my high school ski team - still paying for that one.

It was sooooo awesome being inside where it was warm. . .

The Houghs.  In a big f***ing sleigh.

The girls check out some of the weirdness in Santa's house. . .

These creepy-ass animatronic elves are terrifying. . .

Chaos.

In the queue to see Santa

So are these gnomes, or dwarves?  What the hell do either have to do with Christmas?  I thought that was Elf territory. . .

I look really, really old in this picture. . .

FINALLY.  After an hour and a half. . . 

This is seriously the best picture I could get of her - she didn't even attempt to sit on his lap, she just walked up and he started asking her what she wanted.  I guess she asked for a gold hover board. . . which she is definitely not getting this year.

Abby's turn. . .

Abby asked for a Pomeranian.  Seriously.  Then, after Santa asked if she was sure, she adjusted it to simply 'a new puppy.'  When he asked what she'd like if he couldn't swing that - nicely done, Mr. Claus - she settled on a rosegold karaoke microphone.  Sweet Jesus, I hate kids sometimes. . .

The Hough Girls with Santa

Outside afterwards, for a mandatory picture in front of Santa's House (check out the ridiculously long line - it continues to wrap around out of frame to the left quite a ways, all the way down the sidewalk.)

And, in closing, here's a one-armed Christmas Elf.  You're welcome.

- Brian

For Santa

Seasons Greetings, America.

It certainly didn't feel like December out there this weekend, did it?  Personally, I'd attribute the 57-degree weather we had these last couple of days to global warming, buuuuut those Republicans out there reading this might not agree with, you know, the science.

Anyway.

Kris and I decided that seeing how the weather was eerily nice and all, we'd round up the offspring and shuttle them downtown for their annual visit with Santa at his Midland residency.  We always end up waiting in a line outside the Santa House for about a half hour or so, so we opted to do it while the weather was in the 50's, opposed to next weekend, when it's supposed to be in the 20's (you know, like it should be in December, in Michigan.)

There were a few different things to do downtown his year, actually:  once again, there was a train that cruised around the downtown area, along with horse-drawn carriage rides, free hot chocolate, and blocks of stores with special Holiday displays and themed activities.  We managed to do quite a lot in the hour and a half we were down there, and the kids really enjoyed themselves.  Definitely lucked out with the warm weather.

(Sorry about your luck, ice caps and polar bears.)

Smurf this:

The train showed up to the downtown area the same time we did, so the kids got to see it randomly driving down the street by Kris' church.

We showed up about a half an hour after the whole downtown Christmas thing started, and they already had the horses out taking people for rides around the block.

The kids in front of what I believe is Midland's City Hall.

Alayna's new thing is to turn an otherwise cute, family picture into. . . well. . . this.

Reeeaaally hilarious.

Kris' friend, Kim, came along to see Santa with us, and brought along her own daughter, Makayla.

We had waited about fifteen minutes in line for the carriage when I decided to 'switch lines' and hop in line in front of the Santa House instead.  When we had gotten in line for the carriage, we figured based on the number of people in front of us, we'd be on the next carriage.  As they loaded it up, however, they filled up with the folks directly in front of us, so we were at the front of the line for the next carriage instead.  That meant at least another twenty/thirty minutes of line-waiting and carriage-riding, before we moved over to the Santa House and got in line there.  I decided to take a bullet for the team and forego my chance of a horsey ride.

This is what was happening while I was just standing in line, like a sucker.

This guy decided to show up about ten minutes after I nabbed a quasi-close-to-the-front spot in the line.  I like to think he girls were all appreciative of my sacrifice today:  by the time they showed up, the line behind me was snaking down the sidewalk away from Santa's House (I was standing right in front of it, fortunately.)

Me and a couple of my roommates, standing in front of Santa's House.

Here's another one of my roommates.

They had actual reindeer on hand this year, which was pretty cool.

The kids were obviously pretty stoked about this.

Suddenly, these two started jostling and head-butting each other, trying to shove one another around with their antlers.  I've seen it happen in Bambi before, but never in person.

Abby tries to determine which two of Santa's reindeer are held in this pen.  In Midland, Michigan.

Here's your obligatory kids-in-front-of-place-we're-visiting picture.

Those statues don't look like elves so much as gnomes or dwarves. Someone doesn't know their Tolkien.

Being creepy.

After twenty minutes, we made it to the front of the line, right in front of Santa's ominous red door.  Abby had smacked Alayna in the back just as I took this picture, hence the weird looks on both girls' faces.  By this point, they were understandably funned out with waiting in line all afternoon.

Finally inside Santa's crib.

I think that woman in the pink jacket wants to kill my wife.  No idea why.

Couple kids in a sleigh.  We pounce on photo ops in this family.

And here's a couple of old people thrown in, for good measure.

Abby was mesmerized with these bottom-shelf animatronics and their self-playing piano.

How terrifying would it be if Makayla started shooting fireballs out of that hand?

This random gnome/elf/troll/whatever gives people in line the exact, same "what the f*** stupid crap just came out of your mouth?" look I give my students at school.

Next in line to see Santa.  Not that they're excited or anything. . . .

Santa and the Cannonball.

Santa, giving the kid the business.  Alayna asked him for a foot spa this year.  Seriously.

Abby's turn.

Abby gave Santa a laundry list of booty she wanted this year, including an RV Camper for her doll, Hatchimals, and some Star Wars stuff.

Photo op with both kids.

Santa got street cred this year.

Ka-boom.

Taking our leave from Santa's House. . .

We decided to hop in line for the train next, and were pleasantly surprised to see that due to our impeccable timing, we were able to literally just walk onto the train without having to wait.  Booya.

All aboard, ready for a 10mph ride.

Makayla was obsessed with the window.  Our girls had to repeatedly keep her from making out with the screen.

I lost track of how many times I had to yell at our kids for climbing on various Nativity animals this afternoon.

Leaving downtown and heading home.  I'm soooo glad we did this while it was still warm out. . . .

- Brian