The Heist

What's up, Internet.

So, in case anyone wanted to know, YES, I am still extremely sore from my surgery.  But that's not why I'm posting today.  No, I wanted to share with you an interesting find Kris and I recently stumbled across.

The other day, Kris wanted to take the girls shopping for Toys for Tots (you know, Season of Giving and all that - I'm sure she'll touch on that later.)  Since I was bed-ridden and all, she'd be handling both kids solo. . . which is just as fun as it sounds.  She wanted to take a camera with her to document the affair, and I wasn't thrilled with the idea of her lugging around our Canon T4i SLR through the Florida mall with two kids in tow.  Try as we may, though, we couldn't locate our smaller, much-more-appropriate-for-use-with-two-kids-in-public handheld camera, our Canon PowerShot.

We tore the house apart, and couldn't find it.  So, despite my grumbling, she ended up taking the more expensive SLR.

Days later, we found the Canon PowerShot somewhere that definitely raised a few eyebrows - Alayna's backpack.  When pressed for information, the Cannonball admitted to taking it to school on Friday to 'show her friends.'

Upon turning on the camera, we found the following pictures.

Enjoy:

The first shots are from Alayna's first grade classroom (no idea how her teacher didn't notice this was going on. . .)

She'll be glad she has this picture ten years from now, I'm sure.

Apparently this generation's never heard I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.  That shit's a classic, kids, c'mon. . .

Sweet.  I always wanted a picture of a bunch of kids' backpacks!

This is one of Alayna's friends who conveniently lives a couple houses down the street from us.  This was taken while Alayna was waiting outside to be picked up in the Car Rider area.  On this particular day, Alayna was being picked up by Kris' friend, Joy (as Kris herself was driving me to and from my Ball Surgery.)

Close-up of a plush Mickey doll (the kid in the background doesn't seem to approve of this.)

Riding in the back of Joy's van, we have ourselves another shot of Mickey (actually, there were close to a dozen, but I'm editing these waaaay down to save you from the all-out chaos that we found on our camera.)

One of many shots taken of this bus, on the way out of her school's parking lot.  For whatever reason.

There's joy.  Completely oblivious that there's a six-year-old thoroughly documenting her entire route from school to her after-school location.

The Cannonball gets artsy. . .

(Just in case you wanted to know where she was keeping her water on this trip.)

Here's a picture from her series, 'Random Tree on the Way Back from School.'

Selfie (no idea what the hell's all over her face.)

No idea who this kid is (these next ones are from her After School program.)

I hate kids.

- Brian

How Celebration Perfectly Represents All That is Wrong with America

'Changing' leaves in the backyard. . .

Hi America,

Fall is pretty much non-existent down here in America's Wang.  Hell, sometimes we don't get ourselves a winter, and get to relish in a slightly-less unbearable mugginess for the cooler months of the year.

Granted, Polar Vortexes only require we put on socks and shoes instead of flip-flops on the coldest of days, so there is an upside, I guess.

Anyway, Kris and I have always been big fall people, and missing out on the transitional season bums us out each year.  Changing colors in foliage, the crispness in the air - we miss out on all of it.  And our kids have never really experienced it, either.  This year, we decided to change all that.

Every year Celebration, FL. holds a 'festival' that features 'falling leaves.'  If you'll be so good to remember, we went there back in December for their 'falling snow'. . . which - though mildly retarded - was entertaining for the kids.  Surely leaves would be just as entertaining.

Right?

Well, check it out. . .

Loading up the kids in the Tactical Family Transport Vehicle

Celebration is a fabricated 'town' designed and occupied by Disney executives, and every time we go there it creeps me out.  It all feels fake - no garbage, no traffic, no minorities, no chain restaurants, no gas stations.  The whole town looks like a set piece.

It's annual festivals attract plebeians from miles around.  It must take hours and hours of hired cleaning to wash away all the poor people stink from their precious streets.

See that stage in the background?  Usually you can expect to see some random has-been - like one of the top 24 finalists from an old season of American Idol.  You feel bad for the performers, being reduced to playing at this level of venue - it's honestly one step below playing county fairs.  Then, I remember how terrible American Idol is (as well as everything it represents about American culture), and I feel better.

You can see here that it was so cold out that we had to put a blue jean jacket on one of our kids.  

Waiting around for the 'falling leaves' to begin. . .

Seriously.  They blew out pieces of thin, colored tissue paper.  For about ten seconds.  I barely had time to capture it on video.  It was so bad it was comical.

We ran into the Tayler Family while we were there - dressed up in costume, as usual.

Needless to say, everyone was pretty let down by the 'falling leaves' - at least the snow falling lasted for a decent chunk of time.  In the end, we can only blame ourselves for buying into such a poorly-conceived notion.

The kids like it, though.  I'd say 'that's all that matters' here, but I'd be lying to you - after driving a half hour out to Celebration, fighting through stop-and-go, bumper-to-bumper traffic for a parking space (which was roughly as difficult as tracking down the Holy Grail), ten seconds of tissue-paper being shot out of blower was kinda, well, shitty.

Kids collecting colored tissue paper off the street.  'Cause God knows, kids love tissue paper.

Bustin' a move.

Fighting with kids on the way back to the car. . .

Here's the Celebration pumpkin patch we used to frequent - they were actually charging people $5 admission to get in, though.  Most folks were doing it for picture opportunities, which made little since seeing how the pictures (being at night and all) were going to turn out like complete shit.  Of course, this $5 was supposed to be a donation, but when you set up a cash register at the entrance and make people pay before they can enter, that doesn't seem so much like a donation as it does a charge.  

Abby strikes a pose outside of the pumpkin patch.  Screw you, Celebration - you're not getting $20 from us for shitty pictures.  The Houghs take their shitty pictures for free.

- Brian

Santa Meets the League of Extraordinary Soccer Moms

YULE!!!!!!!!!!!

We sure do love seeing Santa in this house.   I mean, I know the guy's cool and everything - God knows he's got a thing for handing out free crap to kids each year, right? - but I honestly don't know how many photo-ops with the poor guy we really need.  The girls have already met him at both of their schools, and now Kris has taken them over to some lady's house so that they can see him for a third time.

Borrowing dress-up clothes. . .

Let's hope the guy's gotten their requests down by now.  Third time's the charm.

Anyway, as you may or may not recall, Kris is a member of the Leagues of Extra-ordinary Soccer Moms (of Hunter's Creek) - a group of privileged moms that get together for various kid-related activities.  Somehow - and I really don't know how - Kris knows every mom in the greater Hunter's Creek/Southchase area, whether it be from the Order or her church.  As such, her calendar is solidly booked with kid activities, and never moreso than during the Holidays, where lately it feels like we've involved with some sort of Christmas obligation every day throughout the month of December.

So, readers, behold the latest Hough Christmas outing - Santa Visits the League of Extraordinary Soccer Moms (or whatever the hell they call themselves.)

Enjoy:

If it's one thing Alayna hates, it's eating.

Abby got a huge kick out of this vanity play set (that belonged to one of the little girls that lived at the house) - we may have to pick one of those things up. . .

The Arrival of Claus. . .

Alayna was that obnoxious kid who bum-rushes Santa and refuses to let go of his hand. . . total opposite of Abby, who cowered behind Kris is mortal terror.

Time for stories (note Alayna's hand clinging to Santa's belt.)

A smaller turnout this year - last year this room was packed.

Santa entertaining a captive audience.

Santa and the Cannonball

Alayna beau, Derrick, was also there with his family. . .  the Order is indeed far-reaching.

Abby's pity candy cane (she wouldn't go near Claus to save her life.)

Homegirls.

Saying farewell to Santa and his bitchin' throwback ride.

Abby, happy that the threat is over.

- Brian