The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXIX

Get ready for some rootin' tootin' Holiday scootin', gang -  we're about to have ourselves a weird, lil' hootenanny up in this place. . .

Album Title:  Christmas Greetings from Nashville

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Okay, so I'll own this one - I didn't bother taking a close look at which artists were on this particular compilation when I picked it up out of the dollar bin at Radio Wasteland. I just read 'Nashville' and got excited: while I'm not a fan of modern country music (or, 'Hick Hop,' as I like to call the bullshit that is Bro Country), but I'm a bg fan of old '50s-'70s honky tonk. The Cash, Twitty, Jennings, Lynn, Jones, and Wynette stuff.

Sadly, none of those ladies and gentlemen appear on this Holiday compilation. If the aforementioned country stars of yesteryear are the varsity players, than what we have here is the JV team. The Benchwarmers. While there's a couple of decent musicians to be found here (I see you there in the back, Floyd Cramer), there aren't a ton, and there's not a lot of talent to get excited over.

First of all, I should point out that whomever pressed this album did one of the worst jobs I've ever heard. To say there's surface noise here is an understatement, but if that alone were the only issue with the noise I could somewhat excuse it. The whole recording sounds like someone triple-dubbed a cassette tape (you know, they made a copy of a copy of a cassette that was originally recorded from a CD.) It's so muddled you can barely differentiate instruments sometimes. To make matters worse (because it does get worse, gang), the master volume is so loud that even with my receiver's pre-amp turned all the way down the distortion light stays solid. 

Ideally said light would be occasionally blinking, like when an audio level clips into the red - picture the level just solid RRREEEEEEDDDDD for the entirety of TWO SIDES OF AN ALBUM and that's what we're dealing with here.

Ah yes. . . the 'From Our House to Yours' inspirational write-up. Classic.

Now on to that actual music.

Again, all the songs on this album are done by Country Music's B-Team, and they're not terrible. These are all artists who found mediocre success in their genre back in the day. They all sing fine, as far as ole timey country singers go, though a few of them I've never heard of them. . . so they might be studio 'filler' groups that have contracts to take up space on compilations like this. Sometimes when studios couldn't fork out the money for big names, they'd fill gaps with groups they got on the cheap in order to round out a playlist. I think that might be the case on this one.

The arrangements are good, and nearly all the song selections on this album are safe bets - Christmas favorites that everyone knows by heart, which is what you want on any Holiday album. What's frustrating is one can see the potential this album had if only a.) the production team could've, I don't know, maybe spent a little more time and effort into the mastering process on this release so it didn't sound like complete shit, and b.) maybe paid for the top-tier talent instead of relying on the country radio station's 'filler' squad.

"Christmas Time's a-Coming" is a perfect example of a song that, while not bad, has been done so much better by others. I've heard this exact same version done in the same bluegrass style, equal parts Appalachian barbecue and gospel barn-burner, and done far better by Emmylou Harris. 

No country album would be complete without "Blue Christmas," a melancholy staple that's a must-have on any Holiday playlist. Elvis, Cash, and so many other artists have knocked this one out of the park, but The Browns - whoever the hell they are, I've never heard of 'em - phone this one in. It's bland, there's no heart and/or soul in it, and the whole thing sounds forced. Yet another missed opportunity.

Floyd Cramer's rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock" might be the best song on this album, a rollicking instrumental featuring his typical, upbeat piano bashing. Unfortunately, it's sandwiched between two stink-fests: Dottie West's so-bland-it's-forgettable "You Are My Christmas, Carol" (get it? Christmas, Carol instead of Christmas Carol?) and Hank Snow's "Little Stranger (In a Manger)," which sounds like someone's drunken uncle slurring over a church nativity setup on his late-night stumble back from the bar.

All in all, this is another classic example of missed opportunity. Replacing these artists with ones that were a click or six up from what you have here, and getting someone besides a bunch of cigarette-smoking chimps to master the pressing of this album, would have delivered an album that could very well have made it into regular, Holiday rotation.

Alas, this JV squad is being benched.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (A lackluster Holiday compilation from Nashville's mediocre Junior Varsity squad.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian