The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXVII

Welcome back, folks. Settle in and grab yourself a Holiday cocktail (and maybe a set of earplugs) for this one . . .

Album Title:  Christmas Hymns and Carols

Album Artist:  Mario Lanza

Another treasure snatched up from Radio Wasteland's Dollar Bin, I picked this up early this year on account of the guy on the cover. Mario Lanza, whom I've never heard of before, looks like the sorta guy that either a.) sells used cars, b.) owns a restaurant in which a bunch of shady mobsters meet regularly in the back room, or c.) records super shitty Christmas albums in a way-too-loud, Italian opera sorta way. Or some combination of these, you never know.

You know those scenes in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where Clark Griswold starts to sing, and he's so clearly caught up in the spirit of the Holidays that he belts out whatever he's singing in an operatic tone? And it's clearly meant to be funny (because who in their right mind would legitimately sing like that for real)? 

Well, that's how Mario sings. All the time.

Doesn't matter if it's during a soft, quiet song, doesn't matter if the subject matter doesn't require such a boisterous voice, Mario doesn't give a shit. This dude's dialed up to an '11' at all times and that's what he's going to give you on his Holiday album, Goddamn it. It's not that the guy can't sing - he's an opera singer, he can sing well - it's just that he stomps his foot down on the vocal gas pedal and doesn't let up throughout the entirety of both sides of this record. 

It's exhausting.

This album is mixed well, and the background music (if you can hear it behind Mario's insanely brash voice) is basic but suffices for what it is, I guess. This guy was clearly a star back in the day, and they gave his Holiday album the star treatment for sure - production value is decent enough. I can't just for the life of me can't imagine what the intended target audience was for something like this. 

Nearly all of the songs on here are religious in nature, but there's no way the old, church-going crowd is going to want to listen to this - it's too loud, too intense, and too Italian opera in nature. Church ladies won't find that blasphemous I'm sure. 

The young, hip crowd? No way in hell, they're not going to put up with this guy. Not when Rock and Roll is starting to hit the radio, with all that 'black music' that their parents can't stand. 

I can only assume it's marketed towards half-drunk, Italian housewives, shuffling about their New Jersey houses, decorating for the Holiday Season with a vodka tonic in hand, chain-smoking cigarettes and blasting this album at full volume.

Christ, you can practically smell the Aqua Net and cheap perfume.

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (All Opera, All The Time does NOT work on a Holiday Album, Mr. Lanza. I need to go lie down for bit. . .)

- SHELVED-

- Brian