The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. LXXVII

Well folks, it looks like we're about to get some multi-cultural Christmas spirit up in here this evening.  Hold on to your butts. . . 

Album Title:  Christmas Around the World

Album Artist:  Svend Saaby Choir

Okay, first things first:  you can't really call an album Christmas Around the World when the only nations you're pulling jams from is White People Countries.  If you're gonna call it anything, call it Christmas Around Europe (feat. USA.)  And don't give me that bullshit about "wElL tHoSe ArE tHe OnLy CoUnTrIeS tHaT cElEBrAtE cHrIsTmAs."  Most Latin American countries do, too.  So do Eastern European countries, for that matter.  And a shit-load of Asia.

For f***'s sake, people.

Secondofly, let's not give any false impression here concerning the 'Christmas' songs that are being pulled from around the world.  The album promises, one would think, songs that culturally summarize the nation they hail from.  For example, this 'Good King Wenceslas,' from England - that one makes sense, 100%.  It sounds rather English, I should think.

But what about the American song?  When you think 'America,' dear readers, what Christmas selections come to mind?  Are you thinking it might be something classic and rock n' roll at heart, like 'Run Rudolph Run,' by Chuck motherf***ing Berry?  Or some other fun Holiday jam that highlights everything that is America ("I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas," perhaps?)

Just look at these. . . . classics.

Nope.  The good ol' U.S. of A. instead brought to the table two lackluster pieces - 'O, Little Town of Bethlehem' and 'Rise Up, Shepherd.'  For Christ's sake, I haven't even heard of that latter one.

I neglected to put two and two together when purchasing this album (I think from Radio Wasteland, but who knows), but all it is a collection of boring church carols.  Some you've heard of, others you haven't.  Now, technically these are Christmas songs, fine. . . but there's nothing fun to be had, here.  I don't care what language the choir is singing in, it's still a boring church service, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.  There's a fun little Spanish song on Side 2, I guess, but it's like 45 seconds long. . . then you're right back to where you started.  Trying not to doze off in church.

What kinda irritates me with this compilation is that it's a cool concept that had lot of promise at one point, but instead ended up getting slathered in blandness.  Instead of selecting songs that highlight the culture of every country, they select songs that all sound the same (boring church arrangements) and then just have the choir  - oh, yes, it's the same choir for all the songs on this release - sing the songs in different languages.  The Svend Saaby Choir, ladies and gentlemen.  They're not even professional singers - just folks who like singin'.

Good grief.

I mean, how cool would it be to have, say, 'Run Rudolph Run' for the U.S. of A, 'Good King Wenceslas' by England, 'Feliz Navidad' by Mexico (I assume), then a bunch of random-ass jams that represent the Holidays in other countries from Nigeria to Japan?  I'd spend money on that, for sure.  I'm sure some of those tracks would be straight-up garbage, but it'd be a hell of an entertaining listen at least.

Not like this empty shell of a once-intriguing idea, all crammed up with your grandparents' favorite church music.

VERDICT:  3/10 - Seriously? (Behold - The Blands Across the World.  I was gonna give this a '4' for just being boring, but I'm slightly irritated with this release 'cause it was a pretty cool concept that they just frickin' botched all to hell.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian