Abigail at the Petting Zoo

Man, if it's one thing that will try a man's soul, it's an elementary school field trip.

I rarely jump for joy when I get 'volunteered' for one of these, but, being a parent and everything I'm sort of obligated to follow through.  Part of the whole 'Dad' thing, I guess.  Kris gets way more into than I ever do, but she's a mom, so maybe that's not all that hard to believe.  They're wired all screwy.

I've chaperoned a few of Alayna's school trips in the past (one most recently in April, if you'll recall), but this time around I'd be helping out Abby's kindergarten class on a half-day outing to a local petting zoo farm in Freeland.  I took the day off for this fiasco, which, all in all, wasn't too horrifying, but did - without a doubt - reinforce my previous belief that I had made the absolute right choice pursuing a career in middle school education instead of elementary education.

Those teachers have their hands full.

Check it out. . .

The class boards the field trip bus.  I didn't realize it, but Abby would later tell me that this would be her very first ride on a school bus, which I didn't get to experience first hand because the school had the adult chaperones drive separately to the petting zoo farm.  Why?  Who knows.

This was a PM field trip, so upon arrival the first thing the teachers did was feed the kids lunch. Abby's a big fan of lunch.

I was a little too slow to pull out my phone for this pic.  There were a few other kids with their heads in there prior to me finally taking a picture, but, by then, well. . . .

I don't care if this is where milk comes from, this is just gross.

(In case you were curious as to what the inside of a cow looks like, here you go.)

Mrs. Vandenboom's kindergarten class.

I'm assuming they usually look more like this.

On the farm, getting ready for the big tour. . .

Mustering of troops

The first stop on the tour was a barn where they had a bunch of unwilling animals standing around, waiting to be man-handled (child-handled?) by a bunch of five- and six-year-olds.

Time for a lecture on animal care and whatever else.

Abby's friend/beau, Jackson, was one of two students out of the entire kindergarten to get to feed a baby cow from some plastic bottle.

(Clearly, Abby was excited about this.)

After the feeding, they split the kindergarten in two, with half of the kids staying behind in the barn to take turns holding various barnyard animals while the other - us, as it were - got to board a giant trailer for a 'hayride.'

This kind of thing is always funny.  Whether you're five or thirty-five.

After our lackluster hay ride, we returned to the barn and the two kindergarten groups switched places, with our regiment of midgets now getting to grope and feel an assortment of unwilling barn animals.. .

Sweet Christ, I hate goats.

The only animal I hate more than goats is cats.  Also known as God's mistake.

(It's a baby bird.  I couldn't tell you what kind.)

That sheep looks pissed.

After some heavy petting, the kids were instructed to line up on the far side of large field, and were each given cups of animal feed (you know, the crap that looks like dog food but smells much, much worse.)  Across the way, behind a fence and locked gates, were several paddocks full of sheep and goats.  Across the empty field, the livestock and children stared at each other.  In my life I have never experienced such tension.

Chaos.

After awhile, Abby ran out of animal feed, so she decided to start feeding the animals grass instead.  I would have made fun of her for this, but, believe it or not, the animals kept eating it.  Whatever.

Some more involuntary petting.

Why was this here?  These are the questions I don't ask at petting zoos farms.

BFFs.  Or at least until she forgot all about it.

Get on da bus!

- Brian