Meanwhile, Back on the Farm....

Howdy, y'all!

The Gates of Hell

I'm speaking in farm-speech because I had to chaperone on one of Alayna's Daisies (Girl Scouts) field trips to Green Meadows Farm, down in Kissimmee.

. . .and by 'chaperone,' I of course mean 'avoid forced small talk with other parents and instead hide behind two cameras, taking copious amounts of pictures.'

Kris LOVES when I do this.

Check it out:

Our tour guide happened to be the director of the place, since the farm was dead today.  She later told us it was mostly likely due to the fact that there was 100% humidity and the heat index registered at 103.  Perfect weather for walking through animal feces.

Alayna tugging on some cow's tits (technical term.)

The Peanut Gallery

There were a couple male siblings accompanying their sisters on this Daisies field trip, and as you can tell here, they're obviously not as excited to ride ponies as their siblings.

PONY TIME

She asked me if we could get one of these for a pet. . .

. . . I'll have to run it by Kris.

All aboard. . .

This was a ten-minute train ride that went around the perimeter of the farm, which is located on the outskirts of Kissimmee.  It's been in the same family for generations, and they've done a pretty good job of turning the property into a glorified petting zoo.

This building creeped me out a little bit.  Basically a giant warehouse filled with antiques and odds and ends, with a bunch of cages in the center of the room housing guinea pigs, rabbits, and other small mammals.  They also had parrots and fish in there. All in all, something you'd expect to see in a serial killer's house.

This is Alayna's scout leader (den mother, whatever the hell they're called.)  And yes, that furry thing peed on her.

Swarming a bunny.

Randomly, this place has a water buffalo. . . nowhere near water.  I guess they lead it to a river or lake once a month so it can get its fix, but that still sounds like a pretty shitty deal to me.

Ever wonder what the product of a horse boning a zebra would turn out like?  No?  Well this is it right here.  It's called a Zorse.  And no, I'm not making that up.  Scientists are really, really clever people.

You wouldn't believe the amount of hand sanitizer this kid used today. . .

(That's one of Alayna's best friends, Holly, on the left)

At some point in time in your life, someone may ask you, "I wonder where the oldest donkey in the world lives."  You can now reply to them, "Kissimme, Florida."  You're welcome.

Smells like home.  And Africa.

Demonstrating how to hold poultry. . . a skill none of these kids will ever have to master in life.

I guess they stopped letting kids handle the chicks for awhile, seeing how so many over-zealous preschoolers were murdering so many of the little things by handling them like toys.  Evidently, they've decided to allow this once again.

Ducks bite.  I didn't volunteer to hold one of these for the kids to pet.  Screw that.

Still hot as shit out.  Just in case you were still wondering.

On to goats. . . my most hated of all livestock.

I made the mistake of asking the tour director if they raised any goats for human consumption.  She got a little freaked out by this question, and didn't really talk to me the rest of the day.  Whatever - goat's delicious.

Chow time

Visiting the ol' hen house.

They let the girls run around and try and pick up chickens, which, just as The Legend of Zelda has taught us over the years, isn't as easy as one might think. . .

Alayna overcame her prior fear of poultry (seriously) and actually chased down and subdued several chickens while we were in the hen hizzy.

Spoils of the hunt

Washing hands.  Again.

Just like the Fountain of Youth, there were wild peacocks all over the place - walking around without a care in the world, and definitely not afraid of touring groups.

We closed out the day going on a ten-minute hay ride around the property, which was fun for the kids, but bumpy and scratchy as all hell.  I don't get the public appeal of this at all.

Getting some water for the road

Peacock in a tree (I didn't know they could fly. . . but that makes a lot more sense than him climbing up the tree, I guess.)

Everything about clowns sucks.  Seriously.  Name one cool thing about clowns and I'll give you $100.

On our way out of the farm, I let Alayna buy some chips and some cheap-ass souvenirs from the front kiosk/store.  She did a pretty good job throughout the day, especially considering how god-awful hot it was.  

- Brian