Goats and Amber

Howdy.

So recently we met up with the Voigts at Disney's Animal Kingdom. That's how the Houghs get down on a weekend. No nightclubs, no fancy dinner outings for us. Theme parks. With a double stroller.


That's how we roll.

By no means a new experience for us, but it marked the first time that we took our time with the girls at that particular theme park. Usually, we rush around in order to hit up the major rides, have a hurried lunch, throw back a beer (if I'm lucky), and hit the road. This time around, we passed up the main attractions (like the African Safari, the Mt. Everest roller coaster, etc.) for the smaller ones, and were able to walk around more with the kids.

A little more low key, but we were able to stretch the day out to last from the park's opening 'til its close.

For those of you who have never been there - of have no idea whatsoever of what I'm talking about - the whole facility is more or less a glorified zoo. It really is. It's a zoo divided up into varying themes (Africa, Asia, Dinosaurs, Livestock, etc.), and Disney - as many of you are aware of, I'm sure - devotes a lot of time paying close attention to even the minutest of details when decorating their theme parks.


The decor and layout of the 'Africa' section of the park, especially, impresses me whenever we go there.


Having myself spent a few years in that neck of the woods (observe), I like to think that I have some small degree of authority on the subject.

The Africa of Disney's Animal Kingdom is definitely modeled more after the more 'popular' regions of Africa, though - Eastern and Southern Africa. Those areas have lots of exotic animals, lots of beautiful scenery, and lots of movies that have been filmed there.

Not so much West Africa, where Yours Truly ruled over a small, Dagomba village with an iron fist.

All Animal Kingdom's Africa is missing is gutters flowing with human waste, running up and down the thoroughfare, as well as livestock wandering about the streets, vendors trying to overcharge white people, and the occasional sound of machine gun fire.

That might not be in Disney's best interest, though.

Anyway, this whole adventure of ours started off as quite the G-rated affair - visits with cast members dressed up in giant animal costumes, a rather-uneventful lunch feeding with the kids (and that's saying something), etc. It was most certainly without peril.

There was an ordering dilemma at one of the kiosks in the afternoon, however, and - through a series of events that I had little control over - I got stuck double-fisting pints of Safari Amber for the majority of the early afternoon. Out in the Florida sun. That ended up really kicking my ass.

Now, when you're in college, or around others doing the same sort of thing, that's fine. It's not so sweet when you're pushing a stroller with two kids, and are the only adult in such a state.

Not at all.

This time around, we ended up trying out a few different parts of the park that we hadn't previously, such as the petting zoo area. I forget what that was called, but it was essentially filled with livestock - goats, donkeys, cows, pigs, sheep, tourists. It smelled like Sankpala, but at least those flea bags were behind bars and not crapping all over my front porch.

I truly, truly despise goats.

A good majority of the evening - once I had sobered up somewhat from all that Amber, and after the Voigts had bid us all farewell - was spent in DinoLand.

Besides the carnival-esque rides and what not, there was this Excavation Play Area (whatever the hell it's called). More or less a giant slide zone for kids to run around in. We had never gone in there before, so we figured we'd give it a shot.


Not much there for adults to check out, and Abby was by no means having the time of her life, but the Cannonball loved it. That chick loves slides.


Anyway, pictures speaker louder than words, so here's a ton of 'em for you to marvel at (not in order, as I'm not about to waste a shit-ton more time uploading these in chronological order). Knock yourselves out.


Until next time, kids...

- Brian