The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXL

Who's ready to dance with a sword? Dance with a sword in the sand?

Album Title:  Christmas Island

Album Artist:  Jimmy Buffet

This one isn't any stranger to Yours Truly, I've been listening to this one for decades. 

Honestly, it's kinda bizarre I hadn't picked this album up yet, considering how far I lean into Christmas vinyl. 

Anyway, in case you were born a child of neglect and spent your formative years handcuffed at the ankle to a soiled mattress and rusty bed frame in your foster parents' basement, Jimmy Buffett is one of those polarizing artists that folks tend to either adore or despise. While I can see the criticism he often receives, namely that his music is gimmicky ('cause everything he made after he transitioned from his country roots in the '70s and leaned hard into his island phase is definitely gimmicky), I personally love it. Jimmy made a fortune mashing together his country roots with tropical escapism and calypso, creating a brand new genre that is tailor-made for boats, beaches, palm trees, and - arguably most of all - drinking. 

I'm not going to waste time reviewing Jimmy Buffet the artist, because most of us (except for those of us who spent most of our time trapped in a foster home basement, obviously) already know this guy's work inside and out. Instead, I want to focus on how this Holiday album differs from his other Holiday album that we reviewed on this blog eight years ago. 'Tis the Season was a much more polished affair that saw a decades-older Jimmy Buffet (2016), far past the point where he performed for the sheer joy of it, and certainly no longer needing the money, more or less phoning it in. It was a clean, overly-produced set of songs performed (I assume) by hired studio musicians without any heart going into it whatsoever, and I was incredibly let down upon giving it a spin for the first time.

Pretty sure I've only listened to it once or twice since reviewing it, and my opinion hasn't changed. Fight me.

On this earlier (1996) recording, Christmas Island, we have a Jimmy still in his 50s, still having fun with his Coral Reefer Band, and laying down some original tracks as well as his take of Holiday standards with the same sort of energy you would find on his famous 'greatest hits' album, Songs You Know By Heart. Before going forward, I should go ahead and state the obvious here: if you're one of those people who can't stand Jimmy Buffett's music, because you don't like how he's always singing about boat drinks and drifting away and the sea and all that stuff, you're probably not going to like this. And you should probably just go ahead and skip the rest of this review.

However, if you're like me and the millions of other people out there who do enjoy his music, you should know that this album is more or less in the same vein as Songs You Know By Heart. . . just with Christmas as the unifying theme. 'Cause, you know, it's a Holiday album. Try and keep up, guys.

Jimmy's original songs on this album are all great songs, and that's saying something because if we've learned anything here in this ol' blog of mine over the last ten years, it's that including one's original Christmas songs on a Holiday album is rarely a good thing. I've heard more comically bad Christmas originals that most, and rarely have I been impressed by them. Considering there's nearly a hundred of free, public domain Holiday music out there to choose from - dating back hundreds of years to Christian carols penned to traditional medieval tunes - it's not a risk a lot of artists choose to take (and rightfully so.) Still, just as many artists fall victim to hubris and believe that they alone are capable of adding their holiday originals to the Christmas Canon. 

And, well, they usually fall flat on their ass in the process.

The stand-out track on this album, in my opinion, is Jimmy's own, "Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rhum," (a sly play on words from the traditional pirate "Yo Ho Ho") an original that sounds like it could have been included on Songs You Know By Heart. It features his natural story-telling lyricism, the arrangement is flawless, and you can hear just how much f***ing fun him and his band are having recording it. This is what makes Jimmy Buffet an amazing artist for me: every upbeat song of his is a party, and everyone's invited. And in this song's case, Santa is first on the guest list.

The lyric of "dance with a sword/dance with a sword in the sand" conjures up hilarious imagery of Santa Clause channeling his inner-pirate, and that might be the single best line on the entire album.

Originals aside, Jimmy and the Coral Reefers do a sound job on the seven or eight traditional numbers on this album. In order to pull off a successful recording or performance of a cover, you can either a.) perform it so well that it doesn't distract from the original, or b.) put a little spin on it and make the song your own. They go back and forth with this, with some songs - like Chuck Berry's "Run Run Rudolph" or Bing Crosby's "Mele Kalikimaka" - are straight-forward covers that are performed close to the originals. You can tell who's performing them, sure, but Jimmy opts to avoid using a lot of his island muscle in the instrumentation. They had the marimba and steel drums wheeled into storage for these recordings.

This is a safe play, sure, but I definitely still prefer the originals in both cases (it's hard to top Chuck Berry, folks.) Other covers get more of the Key West bar band approach, as if you were stumbling into Sloppy Joe's (my favorite Key West Bar - highly recommend going if you ever get the chance, Hemmingway drank there), and saw an island-themed cover band performing Christmas songs on the rum-soaked stage. The steel drums and marimba are wheeled back out, there's a few ukuleles on hand, plenty of harmonica (obviously), and a slew of background vocalists and percussionists fighting for a spot to stand on the crowded stage.  "Jingle Bells" and "Up on the Housetop" are both rollicking numbers that play to Jimmy's strengths, namely that he's a fun artist that makes fun music.

It should come as no surprise that there aren't any religious carols to be found anywhere on this album (thank God, that'd be jarring as hell.)

That's not to say that this album is one, giant party-monster, though - his country roots are on full display here, too. Jimmy's no stranger to slowing down songs and relying on his guitar and knack for world-weary story-telling to deliver a solid song. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and "Merry Christmas, Alabama (Never Far From Home)" are more akin to "Son of a Sailor" or "He Went to Paris" than "Fins" or "Cheeseburger in Paradise." This duality to his songwriting is what makes him such a prolific artist, and on this Holiday album we see more of the old Jimmy Buffet that we grew up with in the '80s than the multi-millionaire Jimmy that ended up endorsing presidential candidates and opening up restaurant chains throughout Florida later in life.

If I have any issues with this album, it's that it plays to its audience too much - always playing it safe with its arrangements and instrumentation. "Let's record "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," but we'll add lots of slide guitar and steel drums and include lyrics about rum and getting sunburned." While this approach appeals to just about any Parrothead or casual Buffett fan out there, it isn't going to win over any new fans, especially from those who already have a dislike for his existing catalog. As such I'm going to have to knock them a point for not branching out a bit and trying new things, as well as an additional point for being, well, too damn short (only eleven songs on this track list, and I could have used twenty.)

VERDICT:  8/10 - Awesome  (Jimmy Buffet records a Christmas album, and it sounds exactly like Jimmy Buffet recording a Christmas album.)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

- Brian

The Cannonball Turns 12: Coronavirus Edition

Alayna decided on a tropical theme this year.

What's up, guys.

The Cannonball turned 12 today, which is totally surreal and doesn't seem possible.  As with Abby's birthday the previous month, there wasn't a whole hell of a lot we could do in terms of celebrating, what with the Covid-19 pandemic and everything.  While the Stay at Home Order has been relaxed somewhat, a lot of parents are still pretty guarded with everything, including letting their child hang out at a kid's birthday party.

Ready for the following day's festivities.

As such, this year - as with Abby's - we were forced to keep things simple.  One or two close friends (whose parents we were familiar with), keeping things outdoors as much as possible, and then having a sleepover at the end of the night.  Alayna's BFF, Maddie, was out of state visiting family, so unfortunately she couldn't attend this year, but Alayna's close friends Christina and Sylvia were able to (thank God.)  I did curbside pickup at a restaurant of Alayna's choosing (she went with Olive Garden, of all things), and afterwards they girls spent the day swimming in the neighbors' pool (who were nice enough to allow us to use it for the day.)  Sylvia ended up staying the night, and Alayna's birthday came off without a hitch.  Which, honestly, is saying something in these bizarre times of ours.

Anyway, I'll leave you now with the usual dosage of pics and video.

Enjoy.

First thing in the morning, right out of the gate, Alayna wanted to open presents.  She started with cards from relatives (she's a big fan of receiving cash these days.)

This was her big gift from us this year. . . .

I usually save the big present for last, and prefer to do the small ones first, as I feel there's a natural build-up that way.  But whatever. . . .

(This took her forever to open this simple, cardboard box.)

Once you see down Watson's asshole, you can't un-see it.  (You're welcome.)

Alayna has been bothering us for a hoverboard for years, but we've held off because reviews for these things have been dismal.  However, after a couple of years of being on the market, the build quality has improved, the price has dropped, and many of the mechanical and electrical kinks have been worked out.  We almost bought her one for Christmas, but went with a phone instead, so for her birthday this year this was a no-brainer.

You can bet your ass I did a ridiculous amount of research and pulled the trigger on the highest-rated one I could find.  She's already a pro at riding it, since many of her friends have them now as well.

The model I selected came with flashing LED lights, Bluetooth functionality (so she can stream music from her phone to the hoverboard's built-in speakers), and a pretty long battery life.

(Thank God I had charged this up the night before. . . .)

After playing around with the hoverboard, it was time for Round 2 of gift-opening. This was a set of LED Lights, much like her sister's (whom she got the idea from), just longer in feet (Alayna wanted hers to wrap around the entirety of her ceiling) and with Bluetooth functionality (so the lights would match up with the music playing on her phone.)

She's been wanting an organizer for her make-up for awhile.  'Cause middle school.

Per the Cannonball's request, we were having bacon and eggs for breakfast. . .

Can you imagine taking a kid from the '80s and transporting them to today and showing them shit like this?  My head would've exploded.

Later on in the morning, after Kris left for work, Mom and John swung by to give Alayna some more gifts to open up. . .

This Paris-themed throw pillow was off of her Amazon list, and matches the rest of her existing bed set.

She's been wanting this book ever since she finished the previous installment in the series.

A hoodie, also off her Amazon list.  It's from Harry Potter, and, as an Adult Small, is pretty huge on her, but that's how she likes her sweatshirts. . . . so, whatever.

After we ran out to Olive Garden for lunch, the girls high-tailed it for the neighbors' pool. . .

We spent forever in this pool today.

Gotta love this classic pool game. . .

In the evening, after Kris got back from work and the kids had eaten dinner, it was time for cake and ice cream. . .

Kris wants none of Abby's accident-prone 'help.'

Alayna wanted a simple cake this year (anything overly decorated is kid stuff, right?)

Long consideration for Birthday Wishes. . . .

(Got 'em all in one blow this year.)

The Sausage, exhausted from the days' heat and shenanigans.

Christina and Sylvia.

The War Zone

Alayna, Sylvia, and Christina in front of some cheap-ass photo op background Kris found at the store. . .

. . . .aaaaand one with her sister.

This about sums it up, folks.

- Brian