A Romp Through Hipsterville

Hey Internet - how's your day going?

Mine's pretty good, but I could use another 12 hours of sleep, for sure.  I'm exhausted - both mentally and physically (and perhaps socially, as well.)  Yesterday, I pretended that I was 22 again, and spent the majority of the day trampsing around Hipsterville, (a.k.a. 'Grand Rapids, Michigan') with my brother, Chris, and our aunt and uncle, Lucy and Larry.  We hit up no less than FIVE local breweries, including the reputable juggernaut of microbrews, Founders, and in the process remembered that we are, in fact, no longer in our mid-20s.

Check it out. . .

Up at the Cottage last month, I had made a small remark to Larry about wanting to check out Founders Brewing Company sometime, to which Larry replied that he'd be happy to drive us around Grand Rapids sometime to check out several of the city's local microbreweries (like I implied before, Grand Rapids is full of hipsters.)  Anyway, one thing led to another until - wouldn't you know it - Chris and I had locked in a date with Uncle Larry to check out six of the city's breweries.  Fortunately, we didn't have to drive.

First stop:  Rockford Brewing Company.  This just so happened to be located in the same town as my best friend, BP, so I made it a point to have him meet us there.  While he did manage to meet up with us there, we were limited to a one-drink-per-brewery schedule, so he showed up after we had all gotten our checks.  I managed to convince him to tag along with us to the next brewery, though. . .  

I ordered the Rogue River Brown Ale, which was pretty good, as far as Browns go.  I find a lot of microbrews end up tasting the same.

Our second stop was Perrin Brewing.  Chris and I followed in BP's car, and once there our party - consisting of us, Lucy, Larry, and three of their friends - snagged a table outside in the covered patio area. . .

This shot is poorly framed, I know, but I was trying to be inconspicuous.  Check out our 'server' - the dumbass with the Ol' Prospector beard.  I swear to God - I am SO over the 'craft beer drinker with a Civil War-era beard' thing.  There's NO originality in it anymore.  I'm sure the first guy to drink craft beer and sport a beer a la Stonewall Jackson was 'cool,' but every asshole since makes me want to run up to the closest living thing and kill it.  Prior to going out on this Pub Crawl, Chris and I actually came up with a game where we got to punch each other whenever we saw a hipster with an obnoxious beard (he got me good when this dude showed up.)

She's So Wee Heavy - a Scotch Ale that was pretty decent (though I could have done without the Beatles pun.)

Bill and Larry

After we bid BP adieu, we hit up our third stop of the day - Mitten Brewing Company.  This was a pretty cool spot - probably my favorite brewery so far.  Friendly staff, cheap beer, and a Detroit Tigers-themed atmosphere.  What's not to love?

Al, Chris, and Lucy

Seventh Inning Porter.  Not the greatest, but not bad.  In hindsight, I wish I would have gotten flights of multiple beers - it's hard judging a brewery by one pint. . .

Antique Tigers penant.

The seats you see here are from the original Tiger Stadium.

Our fourth stop was the highlight of the day's Crawl, and the brewery that I, personally, was looking most forward to - Founder's Brewing Company.  

I rank them above Bell's as the best beer in Michigan (prove me wrong, Internet), and three of my Top Ten Beers fall under their banner - Breakfast Stout, KBS, and Dirty Bastard (in that order.) 

We ended up having dinner here, too - after a day's worth of drinking, people needed something in their gut to soak up all that craft beer. . .

Curmudgeon Ale - a STRONG ale that, fortunately, I paired with food.  I made sure to only buy one pint per brewery, but even then, after four pints of strong beer, I was happy to eat something.  After dinner, I swung in to the brewery souvenir store (of course they have one) and bought a Stout glass for my ever-expanding barware collection.

SLIPKNOT!!! ROCK ON!!!  (. . .or not)

After Founders, Chris and I were ready to call it quits - we were full with food and plenty filled with beer, but there were still three more breweries to hit up, so we were loaded back up into Larry's van and shuttled off to the fifth brewery on our list - Elk Brewing.

The server here was nice enough to let me sample a few different beers before deciding on anything - some microbreweries can be pretty snobby and frown on that kinda thing.  Eventually, she sold me on a coffee porter that was pretty decent (a little low in the ABV area for Yours Truly, but their other non-IPA beers didn't taste that great.)

Coffee Porter

This would end up being the last brewery Chris and I got beer from - we were exhausted and ready to turn in for the night (or at least take a break.)  In hindsight, maybe hitting up two or three breweries instead of five or six would have been better.  We'll probably go that route next time we do something like this.

Our last stop of the night was Vivant Brewing Company, alongside Founders one of Grand Rapids' more famous and large-scale breweries.  It was also the source of an over-abundance of hipsters, whom were all just as shitty as you can imagine. . .

Originally, Larry had wanted to do one more brewery after this one (I forget which one), but everyone sided with Chris and I that we would be better off calling it a night after Vivant.

Here's Chris taking a picture of a room full of hipsters, playing with their phones and having beers along a German-style Beer Hall table (get it - 'cause Vivant's a German-themed microbrew!  How clever!)

Anyway, after Vivant, we retired back to Al's.  Originally the plan was to go swimming in Al's pool after the Pub Crawl, but Chris and I more or less just stumbled downstairs (where there were beds set up for us) and crashed.  He woke up around 4:30am with allergies ('cause he's lame), and was unable to fall back asleep, so he decided that we should leave.  We ended up sneaking out of Al's basement door and into their backyard - walking into the night air with our overnight backpacks strapped on like a couple of hobbits off on a quest to destroy a cursed piece of jewelry - and drove back up north towards Mid Michigan, and sanity.

All in all, it was a good time - I thoroughly enjoyed Founder's and Mitten Breweries, was content with Rockford and Perrin, and could have done without Elk and Vivant.  Perhaps some day I shall return to a couple of these breweries and enjoy their small batches from a keg, snobbily drinking their limited edition stouts from a snifter glass while stroking my Civil War beard and talking about my bicycle and my record collection with my fellow hipsters.

For now, though, I'll be content with picking up a 4-pack of Founders Breakfast Stout from Meijer.

- Brian

The Brews

What's up readers.

So once in awhile Ol' Ma Hough let's Yours Truly out of the house sans children.  This is obviously 'really cool' in my book, and so it goes without saying that when she gave me her blessing to accompany a couple work buddies out to Tampa in order to do a brewery tour for the day, I pounced on that shit like a lion on a limping gazelle.

Behold:

We kicked off our tour-de-beer with a stop off at America's oldest brewery - Yuengling.  They're based in Pennsylvania, but have a factory down here in Tampa.  Tours (and samples) are free.

Hear hear. 

For when employees have too much to drink and can't drive home.  Or so I assume.

Yuengling is only a 'meh' in my book - they don't carry many different brews (they're somewhat mainstream) - but we wanted to check out the brewery in order to learn more about the process of a somewhat-major distributor.

Some Mexican guy on a bench.

Outside shot of the brewery.  They weren't out to impress anybody with this building.

Vintage beer vats.  Now empty.

Old control panels from fifty/sixty years ago. . .

Old beer vats, no longer in service.

Cans of Yuengling on the assembly line (or whatever it's called in Beer-speak.)

Where beer gets canned/bottled.

In case any of you guys out there ever want to make your own aluminum can.  You're welcome.

I want one of these made of me.  There are so many good uses for something like this.

The whole inside of the Yuengling Brewery looks like a time capsule straight out of the 1950s. . . or the Dharma initiative from Lost.

Entering the Visitor's Center

Outside the visitor's center.

That's a shit-load of beer.

Outside shot of the brewery. . .

Back in the car, en route to our next stop. . .

Ah, the ol' MadDog 20/20.  This was definitely reminiscent of my early, flat-broke college years (and NO, I didn't buy this - that crap looked like cough medicine and cost $3.)

The highlight of our tour was Cigar City Brewing, so named (I assume) because they have a cigar-rolling set-up in the tap room, and there are tons of cigar shops throughout Tampa.

Drinking stouts and killing time before our tour kicks off. . .

Moichendise.

More pre-tour booze-sampling. . .

On the Cigar City Brewing Tour. . . 

Some guy and Batman.

Different hops and barley grains to sample. 

Cigar break at Cigar City.

Casks of beer, some hipster's bike.

Sampling some pre-aged sour ale, right from the tap.

Awesome. 

No idea what any of this shit means.

Barrels of fun.

One of the weirdest men I've ever seen.

Scenic Tampa, FL.

Outside of some fancy-pants Cuban joint we didn't end up eating at (I didn't understand the menu in the slightest.)

Forgot the name of this trendy, hipster-ish area of Tampa, but they had a ton of cool bars and restaurants.

We walked a little down the street and found Gaspar's Grotto, a pirate-themed bar/restaurant that was MUCH more to my liking.

I wish my house looked like this.

Food here was awesome - I had this pulled-pork bacon cheeseburger that was most likely hand-crafted by the gods (and had more calories than I consume in a week, but whatever.)

Some crap I pocketed (on the sly) from the Cigar City brewery tour. Coasters, safety glasses, and a barrel plug.  Because I can.

Among a few pint/stout glasses I brought home from Yuengling and Cigar City, I also brought back a growler of a 11% ABV brew from Cigar City called Florida Man - one of the best beers I've ever had.  32 oz of awesome beer and the growler cost only $17 total - not too shabby at all.  Due to Anheuser-Busch's stranglehold over Florida's legislation in Tallahassee, growlers are usually illegal to sell throughout the state. Certain brewers can get away selling specific sizes - like this one, opposed to the standard 64 - but it's hard to find.  Goddamn you, Anheuser-Busch.  Goddamn you very much.

- Brian