The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXLV

Hey sport, you mind if I sit down next to you on this here couch and sing a couple'a Christmas songs for ya? 

Album Title:  Christmas Greetings From

Album Artist:  Jerry Vale

We can thank Radio Wasteland's Dollar Bin for this score, and I picked it up because while the name rung some bells, I didn't know anything about this guy. Based on the album sleeve, I anticipated some sort of Johnny Mathis-ish crooner from the '50s or '60s, so that right there would give one a rough idea of what you're about to immerse yourself in. Nevertheless, I'm a sucker for Christmas albums comprised of only one artist, because unlike compilations or the like, you can get a better idea of of their range over the span of several songs. So Jerry has a dozen or so songs to convince me he can deliver on a Christmas album.

Going into this album, I should reiterate that I didn't know anything about Jerry Vale at all. Upon dropping the needle on Side A, he's definitely a crooner in the same vein as Mathis, or Perry Como, etc. Unlike those two, however, Jerry sounds like a sitcom dad singing. Like, the dude's voice just sounds like it's wrapped in a sweater vest and khakis, and isn't above having a heartfelt conversation with you on a floral couch after finding a pack of cigarettes in your sock drawer.

The song choices found in this album's track-list are all safe picks, with no left-field inclusions to be found anywhere. No original Christmas jams, thank God (smart move, Jerry.) If I had to take a quiz and hand-pick songs that I'd expect a crooner like this to cover for his Christmas album, I probably would have guessed correctly about 3/4 of the songs on this track-list  (and C's get degrees, folks.)

The production, mix and arrangements are all top-notch for the era (again, guessing '50s or early '60s), which tracks because I imagine this guy was a big deal back in the day, and probably sold a butt-load of albums to the same circles that were devouring Mathis and Como's works. This gives the album a few points, putting it on par (sonically) with albums like those Great Songs of Christmas compilations - the backing music is in the same vein.

Honestly, this album is far from horrible, but Jerry doesn't give any memorable performances here. At. All. None of these songs are Holiday classics. Using Como as a comparison, we can site several of that guy's Christmas songs as Seasonal standards in media and popular culture, but Jerry - while competent enough - just comes across as 'someone else doing more of the same.' He sings just like all those other '50s and '60s crooners, the music's just about the same too (he was probably featured on several of those Great Songs of Christmas compilations, come to think of it), but it just doesn't connect. 

It might be the tone of his voice, it's too 'nice' and almost gives the impression that this dude's idea of 'cutting loose' involves a nice slice of pie instead of a bourbon, neat.

If Perry Como is Jonathan Stamos on Full House, then Jerry Vale is Bob Saget. They're both male, father figures to the same girls, sure enough, but one of them has charisma in spades (hence you being able to identify several of Como's Christmas songs on the radio), while the other is incredibly disappointed he found your cigarettes. 

Not mad, just disappointed.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll (Another collection of '50s/'60s crooner-music, Christmas-style, this time from a guy who would probably refer to you as 'sport' in conversation.)

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- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXVIII

Behold, the Christmas titan. . .

Album Title:  Merry Christmas

Album Artist:  Andy Williams

This album is going to be kinda hard to review, folks. 

I mean, c'mon - it's Andy frickin' Williams. The guy stands in the pantheon of Christmas music - alongside Nat King Cole, Perry Como, Bing Crosby, Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra - as one of the most well-known in the genre. Many of his versions of Christmas songs are Holiday classics, and you've heard them all your life. Some of his versions are THE versions of these songs, and when an artist gets to this level of Christmasdom it's difficult to objectively analyze the music itself. It's like analyzing your memories, or analyzing the nostalgia of the Holidays themselves. And so before we go any further with this, I'm going to come out at state that I'm going to try and remain as objective as humanly possible in reviewing Andy's album here. . . but give me some grace.

Andy is cut from the same cloth as the previously mentioned heavyweights, with a crooning style that is part campy variety show and part Las Vegas casino. He's a little less 'Vegas' than Frank and Dean, though - I don't think Andy could have kept up with the hard-partying Rat Pack back in the day. Not sure if it's the subject matter, his voice, his image, or the dude's overall vibe. . . but he's kinda like the Canada to the Rat Pack's U.S.A. The crooning sounds similar, but this is a little less 'edgy,' I guess.

Several songs on here are safe selections, but none of his best-known Holiday songs are on this particular album. You get the feeling while listening to this one that his other Christmas album - which must surely contain all the aforementioned hits - was the first one he did, so then he released this follow-up album to capitalize on the craze. 

He picks a few holiday standards that are hard to screw up, and the production value and backing music that accompany his singing is pretty solid. But then he side-steps the safe, conventional path that would have landed him, like, a '6' for this album and doubles down on a few weird song choices that, while they may have something to do with Christmas (it's hard to tell sometimes), they're not familiar Holiday songs. And they gravitate to the more somber, religious side of the spectrum.

Nobody cares about your range, Andy - skip the introspective stuff and just focus on knocking out the recognizable shit. 

'My Favorite Things' makes a random appearance on this album. Not entirely sure why it does, it's not a Christmas song at all. And honestly I can't even listen to this song without thinking of the Nazis trying to hunt down and capture Julie Andrews so they can ship her off to a concentration camp (at least that's what I think happens in the movie, but it's been quite a few years since I've seen that one.) Andy's version is okay, but Mary Poppins definitely did it better.

In summary, there's not a ton wrong with this. If he's guilty of anything here it's recording songs that are done by other people - in the exact same crooning style as them, but not doing it as well as them.  Kinda like when you listen to Greta Van Fleet for a couple songs, who sound exactly like a Led Zeppelin cover band, then turning it off and going, "Okay, now I'm gonna go listen to Led Zeppelin." 

For that reason, I think I'm gonna have to pass on this one. Andy does a decent enough job, but I can't imagine putting any of these songs on any of my Amazon playlists when there are better, similarly-sounding Christmas songs out there to use instead. If I had space for a hundred Holiday records, I could be talked into holding onto this, but Christmas real estate in The Colonel's Record Collection is cutthroat.

Better luck next time, Andy.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (A swing-and-a-miss from one of Christmas' heavyweights. Had he stuck to his guns and played it safe, he could have scored higher on this, but he's got a lot of lesser-known songs on here that hamstring the album's potential.)

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- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. XLIX

Happy Holidays, America.  We're gonna delve into a classic today. . .

Album Title:  A Jolly Christmas

Album Artist:  Frank Sinatra

What the hell can you say about Frank Sinatra?  He's probably the coolest man that has ever existed, and I guarantee your grandmother has fantasized about him.

Perhaps that's a bit too much for the Christmas season, but. . . yeah, she probably has.

Sinatra is a legend in his own right, and every male singer for decades had to perform in his shadow.  His extensive catalog of Christmas songs - such as the ones collected on this repressing - are so ingrained in popular culture that even without ever owning this album before, I knew all of the songs on here.  All of them.  That's impressive.

This is jazzy enough to play at a party, yet subtle enough that you could listen to it while relaxing next to a fire.  There's a mix of religious carols and festive favorites, and if there's any fault to be found here is that there's not more songs, like you have on the expanded double-LP (which can be found here.)

(Yes, I'm buying that next.)

When every song you record on an album is a bonafide classic, it's hard to find fault with anything.  Sinatra's arrangements, vocal range, and knack for song selection is uncanny.  I couldn't possibly give the man anything less than a '9,' because he's Frank frickin' Sinatra.  If you don't like Frank Sinatra, I don't think I can be cool with you.

He does get docked a solitary point for the sole reason that this album isn't fit for all occasions (most, but not all.)  In his defense, though, very few albums are.

VERDICT:  9/10 - Cowabunga! (This album needs to be a mandatory addition to everyone's Holiday music collection.  Like, enforce this shit by law or something.)

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