The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CXXXII

Kenny Rogers should've known when to fold 'em on this one. . .

Album Title:  Christmas:

Album Artist:  Kenny Rogers

If you came here expecting an album that sounds like 'The Gambler,' but instead of a guy dying on a train it's, you know, Christmas, then I have some really bad news for you, folks.

This isn't a country Christmas album in the slightest. If you didn't know Kenny Rogers' discography you'd be forgiven for not identifying him as a celebrated country star, based on this release. While there are a couple songs that hint at 'country' more than your typical Christmas album - 'Kentucky Homemade Christmas,' namely - this feels too corporate for authenticity. Like when you see a millionaire from the city wearing cowboy boots because they happen to be vacationing somewhere trendy out west.

' The f*** outta here with that crap, poser.

'Corporate' is a good word for this album, to tell you the truth - the whole thing just smacks of having money thrown at it. The production and mixing of this album is top-notch, which isn't surprising considering Kenny Rogers was a pretty big deal back in the day. This album was released in 1980 - the year I was born - at the height of that late '70s to mid-80's era when music was super polished and pain-stakingly produced (see: Yacht Rock) 

I 100% believe that every, last studio musician who performed on this album was wearing a ponytail.

They have full string sections on many of these songs, which are all arranged competently and, in most cases, are familiar Holiday songs. That's a check in the 'assets' column for Kenny, because a lot of these Holiday albums done by contemporary singers load the track lists with bullshit no one's ever heard of (or wants to hear.) While there are a few originals on here, they're 'meh' as far as Christmas songs go, there's nothing on this album that's too painful to listen to.

So having powered through both sides of this LP, this music gives serious '1980s Department Store' vibes. I've mentioned this before on a prior post, but music like this used to be used during the Holidays by chain stores because there's a science to playing music in stores (I know this because I majored in Advertising and Marketing in college.) If the music is too fast, people will move faster through the store and feel 'rushed.' If it's too slow, people will get bored and not feel motivated enough to shop more, and may spend less money than they otherwise would. You want relaxing music, but not to the point where folks are getting catatonic. 

Kenny Rogers' Christmas album fits the bill. It's sappy orchestral music, which doesn't try to hide it's attempts at tugging at one's heart strings with the repeated string swells, track after track, probably crackled across department store speakers throughout the country for years. And I'm sure a lot of folks loved it, too; this album would've been gobbled up by those country music fans who wanted to listen to some 'slick' Christmas music for a change. Kinda like when a lady who lives in a run-down trailer decides to use a credit card to splurge on a $600 purse so she can feel like a Kardashian. 

I'm disappointed there wasn't more country on this album, but, considering the year/era it was produced, I'm not surprised. Raw talent softens with age, money and success, and it's way easier to just let the money do the talking. I added that 'Kentucky' track on to my Christmas 4 (Country) Amazon Music playlist (the only song that's half-way decent and sounds like 'country' Kenny Rogers), but I'm totally fine with never listening to the other nine songs ever again.

I wish this would have been a Kenny Loggins Christmas album instead, that would have been cool. I love me some Yacht Rock. Does Kenny Loggins even have a Christmas album? I'd imagine he would.

I should look into this. . .

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (Early '80s corporate execs have Kenny Rogers check his 'country' persona at the door for a sappy, sleek, and ultimately boring Christmas album. It gets one pity point for a decent song on Side A, otherwise this would be a solid '4.')

- SHELVED-

- Brian

Settin' Up Shop

Well, it's about time to go back to work.

(we wouldn't want all those Tea Partiers thinking we teachers were a bunch of lazy, whining unionists, loafing around all summer and mooching off tax-payers, now would we...)

Anyway, as I've mentioned before, this year I'll be moving down to 6th grade in order to teach Ancient History - a position I've been gunning for for nigh on two years now.  As you'll recall, 7th grade Social Studies used to be World Geography and Cultures - a position I've held for four years.  Alas, this year it was being retooled into Civics and Economics... which is about as boring and painful for me as watching mold grow.

(I'm allergic to mold)

So, as Spiderman* is good enough to point out for us, with great power comes great responsibility.  Moving down to 6th grade meant a lot of work had to be done, both physically and mentally.  I had to toss out all my old lesson plans - which was a painful, painful endeavor - and begin creating new ones (not as much fun as you'd think).

I've never taught 6th graders before, and the mentality there is bound to be different than that of seasoned 7th graders.  For starters, they're younger.  Generally, my 7th graders ranged in age between 12 and 15.  6th graders, therefore, are going to be in the 11 to 14 range.  There's overlap there, so it most likely won't be too much of a drastic difference.  However, 6th graders are new to the school - they're fresh out of elementary school, they're doe-eyed and awkward, and haven't developed that middle-schoolish hormonal self-destruct function that so many of my students have had in the past.

Lesson planning aside, the worst part about moving down to another grade level was the physical aspect of the ordeal:  moving to the Trailer Park.

 

At my school, the 6th graders, for the most part, are held in a vast sea of portable classrooms on the edge of the school.  This may or may not have anything to do with keeping them as far away from the 8th graders on campus as humanly possible (lots of those 8th graders are larger and hairier than me - I don't blame them).  So beginning last week, Yours Truly began hauling out all the furniture, files, boxes, and stockpiles of crap out of my old classroom and moving them - all by myself - into my new trailer.

In the sauna that is Florida in the summer, you can imagine how much fun that was to do with a handcart.

Anyway, after a week or so, all my stuff was moved out of my old room and into my new room.  As I began the tedious and time-consuming chore of hanging up crap on the walls, unpacking boxes, and filing away paperwork, I brought along the Cannonball to get her out of the house (and Kris' hair).

Fortunately, we had a laptop hooked up to an LCD projector... which means we had plenty of Care Bears on hand.

So here's some pics of Alayna and my room for the upcoming school year.

Enjoy:

 

The Trailer Park

My Trailer

 

View from my Veranda

 

View from the Rear Steps

And the Move-In Process Begins...
This was my room looked like when I showed up to start the whole process...

____________________________

By the End of Day Three - Everything Moved In

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The Cannonball shows off some of her artwork

 

 

Runs in the Family...

The Care Bears... again.

 
Alayna, showcasing a procedure rarely seen in the classroom.

 
Hard at work...

...what's sad is that her work is bound to be better than some my middle schoolers' work

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(Updated as of August 20th, 2011) Here's what my room looks like now:

 
Mr. Hough's room

  

 

 


 
 
Emergency/Teacher Door (from my desk)

 
The Command Center (a.k.a. Teacher's Desk)

 
 

 
Front Entrance

 
Behind the American Flag is a storage room.  They used to be bathrooms, but a few years they took out all the sinks, toilets and plumbing.  Most teachers use theirs for storage, but I use mine for...


 
An Impromptu Man Room

- Mr. Hough

* = technically it was Voltaire, but he's not as cool.