Coll'Euchre

What's up, readers.

The dudes eating some Mexican before the tourney started. 

We're in the slums of winter still, and it's been relatively dead around these parts for weeks, but tonight we had ourselves a slight break in the monotony: the Colliers' annual Euchre Tournament.

This one has never been one of my favorite parties our tribe throws; as much as I enjoy a good hand of Euchre, playing eleven rounds of it (or four hours of it, whatever comes first) is a bit excessive. I'd be cool with, like, half that amount of playing cards - after a few games I'm over it and ready to call it a night - but Collier loves hosting this so we all buck up in order to help the guy out.

Mitch the Pro and Mr. Collier partaking in some jello shots.

After all, Kris and I make all of these assholes dress up in themed Halloween costumes every year, it's the least we can do.

Kris, of course, never plays at these tournaments. Sometimes she makes up an excuse, other times she's just like, "Nope, I'm not playing," but this year she had a legitimate reason for bowing out of the tournament at least. Abby and Ella each got a few tickets to the Saginaw Spirit (the 'minor league' hockey team in our area) for Christmas, considering they're both huge hockey fans, and neither us or the Johnsons were cool with Ella driving them both into downtown Saginaw after dark. She volunteered to drive the girls down to the Dow Event Center for a game tonight, and then pick them up about three hours or so later so the Johnsons and I could participate in the tourney.

Out of the twenty or so players who pay the $10 buy-in for the winning pot, I usually place somewhere in the 8th - 12th place, comfortably in the middle of the pack. I know how to play the game and am competent at it, but I don't take a lot of ballsy risks like Going Alone, etc., so I never place in the top five. Honestly this game is like 95% luck of the draw, so that doesn't even really matter. This year, however, I was on fire, and was in the top three spots for most of the night. Ultimately, I ended up placing in 4th place, which meant I made my $10 back plus an additional $10 - not bad for a night's work of playing cards and drinking beers.

So here you go, folks - this year's Coll'Euchre (something Ryan's AI came up with, don't ask me.) Enjoy. . .

Some of the wives grab some shots of something or other that Mitch whipped up. Left to Right: Kirsty, Courtney, Mees, Lori, Beth (the wife of one of Collier's college friends who comes out to the Euchre tourneys ever year), and Danielle.

Grazing on some Mexican food.

Collier sets up the tournament's spreadsheet (a crap-load of formulas go into this thing, I have no idea how it works - Cory set it up for him.)

Morgan, Mitch and Erik talking among Collier's famous homemade cookie spread.

The taco spread they set out for these tournaments is pretty impressive. A few clicks up from what we usually do for our family on any given weeknight.

Different types of proteins.

I'm always grateful so many folks in this tribe of ours knows how to operate a grill - the food is always top-notch.

As we approached the 7pm start time, Collier once again went over the House Rules for all those in attendance (not that we needed a refresher, we're all old hands at this by now.)

Cory has won the last couple of years and is a notoriously aggressive player. Collier wanted blood.

The tournament begins. . .

After each round, as various tables concluded their two rounds, folks would come back to the kitchen to continue grazing on the spread and observe the scores as they came in.

We noticed at one point in the evening that the Collier's family room windows had plastic on them. Mees tried telling us this was probably for energy purposes, but we told her that that's not really a thing. When she told us that they had been up since they had moved into the house back in like 2017 or whatever, we tried telling her that the plastic wrap was probably just never taken off during the installation process (because the previous owners had installed the windows shortly before selling the house.) Mees had to run outside to investigate.

Holty and Morgan face off against Lori and Danielle.

Kris showed up shortly into the second or third round after dropping the girls off in Saginaw.

I brought my Oredock stein along for the night 'cause Collier had a keg of Miller Lite primed in his kegorator. The flip lid is awesome for events like this where folks are constantly knocking drinks over.

He had five tables set up throughout the main level of his house. We had eighteen players this year, so we didn't have to set up any tables in his basement (which is usually like twenty degrees colder than the main level - no one was complaining.)

I came roaring out of the gate this year, and was in first or second place for the first several rounds. Mees was on fire, though - she kept getting insanely good hands all night.

Erik, Kelli and Mees gang up on some over-zealous petting of the Collier family dog, Winnie.

Collier adjusts the spreadsheet as the tournament drags on.

I fell to fourth place in the last stretch of the tournament and remained there for the rest of the night. Would have been cool to make it to third place, which paid out like $30, but I was cool placing as high as I did - probably won't happen again.

At the end of the tournament, we were met with an unprecedented anomaly: a tie for first place.

Mees and the infamous Cory had tied for the top spot, so Collier decided to hold a final, sudden death round to determine the night's winner.

Stakes were high for Mees, who was the tribe's best shot at unseating the usual champion.

But there was no stopping the juggernaut - Cory came out on top once again.

Mees concedes defeat. Cory won a trophy mug for nabbing first place, but he was nice enough to bequeath it to Mees for her efforts.

Being inappropriate with some Vienna sausages. . .

This lil' guy is super excited about Collier's cookies. . .

Courtney tries dislodging something from Winnie's mouth. Dogs are a-holes.

Collier and Cory

An attempt at a group pic towards the end of the night, right before the vast majority of folks took off for the night.

At the end of the night, it was us, the Johnsons, Amy, and the Colliers remaining. The wives took up singing karaoke to the music Collier had playing in the background, which is pretty typical for midnight-ish around these parts.

So there you go, gang - this year's Collier Euchre Tourney. Hopefully next year Yours Truly will crack the Top Three, but I'm not getting my hopes up. . . 

- Brian

Playing the Cards Dealt (Unfortunately)

How's it going, folks.

One of the annual parties for this friend group of ours is the Colliers' epic Euchre Tournaments. 

Collier is incredibly detail-oriented, and his set-up is second-to-none for something like this. Like in previous years, he's got the entire tournament set up in a series of nine or ten rounds, each with randomized players assigned to six tables spread out throughout this house. Each round consists of each player dealing two hands, and however many points each team gets is added to their running total. This information is entered into an Excel Spreadsheet with running formulas that keep track of scores, randomize playing teams, byes, and tables, and rank the tournament standings in real time (seriously.)

With a buy-in of $10, first- and second-place get cash payouts, with third place getting the collection of donated quarters (every time a team is euchred, they have to place quarters into cups stationed at each table.)  This year Collier did away with the rule that last and second-to-last place had to sing a karaoke duet, which is a shame, really - that's always fun to watch.

The last few years the Colliers have hosted this shin-dig, Yours Truly has usually finished around 7th/8th/9th place out of, say, twenty or so players - safely in the middle. 

This year, however, my hands throughout the evening were pure bullshit: I was regularly dealt hands with 9's, 10's, Queens, Kings, etc. - very rare Jacks and Aces. As such, I finished the evening at an abysmal 13th place out of twenty two, which I believe is my worst showing, ever.

Whatever. I guess it beats coming in dead last. . .  like Danielle.

So here you go, folks - another Euchre Tournament at the Collier residence. 

Enjoy. . .

See the TV on the stand in the corner? That's hooked up to an iMac Mini from which Collier is running his spreadsheet. Makes it easy for people to check out their tournament standings.

The Host

Second or third game of the tournament I was paired up with Erik. We won this round, which was cool, but from this point forward I more or less ate shit the rest of the evening.

Mitch and Erik get into the Woodford Reserve Double Oaked (my all-time favorite bourbon, ever since we visited that distillery back in August.)

Folks congregated in the Collier's recently-renovated kitchen as games wrapped up each round (some games finished a solid 20 minutes before others, so while waiting for the next round folks just grazed over the insane amount of food on hand.)

One of the last rounds of the tournament.

Sent this pic of all the wives to Kris, who was away with Abby downstate on some church youth retreat or whatever.

After the tournament wrapped up, a lot of folks began to take off. Those that stayed just continued to drink and gorge themselves stupid (as usual.)

Some of the usuals (Mitch, Erik, Omkar, Lonnie Big Balls, Collier, etc.)

(Not sure what's being discussed here, but it sure looks serious.)

Ran my hands through my hair and, with some residual product left in there from earlier, this is the result. I'm the life of the party, folks.

At the end of the night, on my way out to the car at 11:30pm or so, I took this pic of the Colliers' front yard, where you could see the remnants of the beer shotgunning that went on throughout the night. Yet another Collier Euchre Tournament in the books. Hopefully next year I do better. . .

- Brian