Back to the Smokies, Day III

 (cont'd.)

Day III

The Titanic Experience and the Island at Pigeon Forge

So sorta unrelated to the rest of this post (at least until the very end of the evening), but I had forgotten to take a pic of the hot tub and side deck the previous evening, so made sure to grab a pic of it this morning before we headed into Pigeon Forge to start our first full day in Tennessee.

Each of us had selected certain things that we HAD to do on this trip (lest the vacation be a complete failure.) Kris wanted to go to Dollywood. Alayna wanted a fancy spa massage for her birthday. Yours Truly wanted to shop at Smoky Mountain Knife Works. And Abby? Abby wanted to check out the Titanic Experience, which we were tackling first this morning.

Selfie from the backseat as we found a parking spot.

My roommates in front of the Titanic (not the real one.)

Walking into the ticket office - we had purchased ours ahead of time, which were good to use any day in 2026 - we found out that there are certain 'start' times for each of the two-hour, self-paced tours through their museum, and tours kicked off every hour (in order to stagger the crowds and avoid congestion.) We had missed the start of the most recent tour by about twenty minutes, so had about a half an hour to kill before we could head inside.

Kris grabs a family selfie in front of the boat (ship, whatever.)

For those of you unfamiliar with this far, northern section of Pigeon Forge, there's not a whole hell of a lot within walking distance (we were lucky to find a parking spot in the first place, so weren't about to move Kris' van.) Next door to the Titanic Experience was a Wonderworks (kinda like a science-y museum with lots of hands-on stuff, suitable for kids up to, say, twelve years old) and a Hard Rock Cafe. We poked into the Hard Rock Care's store for about ten minutes, just to kill some time, but since none of us wanted to sit down to drinks at 11:30am, we left and looked for somewhere else nearby.

It was pretty damn hot outside. No idea why Abby insisted on wearing jeans. We ended up crossing the seven or eight lanes of traffic to check out that tipped-over looking building on the left, which ended up being some kinda shitty arcade zone.

When I say 'arcade,' I don't mean ones like from the 80's and 90's (when arcades were awesome.) No, this was one of those over-pried jobs that spits out tickets after you play, then you can cash in those tickets for cheap, low-quality 'prizes.' Places like these attract trashy people like flies to rotting fruit.

I bet this costs $5 to play.

You know, like they have in England.

While we were poking around in here, the people at the service desk said that they were offering free simulator rides today and tomorrow. When we asked about it, they described the ride and honestly it sounded exactly like Epcot's Soarin' (where you sit in a suspended chair and 'fly' in front of a giant, IMAX screen and they shoot wind into your face and stuff.) Since this ride alone costs usually $30 per person, we figured it was worth killing a half an hour of our day and returning for our free rides after we had walked through the Titanic thingy.

By the time we walked back across those seven or eight lanes of traffic and back up the hill towards the Titanic Experience, it was about ten minutes to go before our tour kicked off. There weren't a ton of folks in line waiting along with us, so the front entrance folks just let us kick off our tour early. This front room had some bathrooms adjacent to it that we all took advantage of before starting off into the museum.

This place, as you're about to see for yourself, is full of actual artifacts recovered from the ship, donated by the families of survivors, and period-accurate posters, newspaper front pages, and other such stuff. These posters are replicas of ones that were printed back in the early 1910's.

See?

Upon starting your self-guided tour, you're issued 'passenger cards' of actual, real-life people who were aboard the Titanic when it hit that big chunk of ice in the Atlantic. Kris ended up with some crew member (someone who served drinks in the First Class bar area), Abby was a First Class, 17-year-old girl, Yours Truly was a 25-year old, Second Class preacher, and Alayna was a Third Class three-year-old girl. From the get-go, we all knew Abby would survive, Alayna and I were toss-ups, and Kris was most likely a goner.

One of those interactive side-view models of the ship (you know, were you press a button next to a paragraph of information and the area in question lights up so you know what you're looking at.)

One of the ship's deck chairs that was recovered from the floating debris after the survivors were rescued.

The girls check out the route of the ship.

Advertising the builders/owners of the ship.

Lots of letters and photographs in this museum, which starts you off in the construction phase of the ship, then its launch, then the various classes and sections of the ship, then the voyage itself.

Definitely a lot to check out at this place, which I would recommend only if you're interested in the Titanic. If you're like, 'Meh, it's a boat that hit some ice and sunk and some people died,' you might wanna skip this one.

Tools of the trade (not sure which one.)

The Cannonball checks out some blueprints.

A large scaled model of the ship.

Shoveling coal for the engine furnace. . .

There was a photography exhibit towards the beginning of the tour, and all the photos were taken by a guy that came aboard while they were loading up in England. He stayed aboard for like eight hours, documenting the ship for some press release or something, then disembarked and didn't continue on with it. So his photos are the only ones that survive of folks on the ship. He should consider himself lucky, honestly.

Some of homeboy's photos.

Walking through the Second Class artifacts exhibit.

One of the coolest things to be found in this museum was an accurate recreation of the legendary Grand Staircase that all the First Class people used aboard the ship. They were strict about people stopping to take photos (otherwise this section would bottleneck with people all trying to get their pictures taken on the steps), so we had to kinda do it in passing.

At the top of the stairs was a balcony that spanned the entire, two-story opening, so we took some pictures up there instead.

Kris got one of the girls and I from across the way.

First Class accommodations. Pretty hoity-toity for a frickin', five-day boat ride, if you ask me.

Walking down a replica of the First Class hallways.

Kris really wanted one of us to play the piano (they were fine with visitors doing this), but nobody in our family wanted to do so.

Recovered nautical instruments from the Bridge of the ship.

The officer's bridge was towards the middle of the tour, as you're well into the Titanic's voyage by this point but the ship hasn't struck the iceberg yet.

Abby did NOT want her picture taken with this ship's wheel.

Exiting the bridge, there was a curved projection room where the ice berg (like you see here) approached in the distance. It was chilly in this room - in the 40s, probably - and there was a little through of water behind the railing of the ship that you were supposed to stick your hand into (like Alayna is doing in the pic here.) Imagine plunging your hand into a half-melted cooler, full of ice-cold water and ice cubes. . . that's how cold the water was the night the ship sunk.

I believe one of these people was Alayna, but I forget which one.

In this one room they had some interactive ship decks that showed the various slopes of the ship as it sunk. So the first one, which was gradual, was early on in the night, then the second one was steeper, an hour or so later, then the last one was super steep, just as the ship was sinking faster into the water. 

One of only two pieces of luggage recovered from the ship (it was like bobbing around on the surface once the ship went down.)

The girls on one of the deck simulations.

The girls try their hands at an interactive Morse Code thingy. Thank God neither of these two were working in the telegraph office aboard the Titanic the night it sunk (not that it would've helped, of course.)

A newspaper front page from a day or two after the ship sunk.

(She's not doing it right.)

As we drew near to the end of the tour, we came into a large room that listed every, last soul aboard the ship when it sunk, and whether or not they lived or died. As we predicted, Kris died (though we're not sure how), while Alayna, Abby and myself survived. I was actually only one of thirteen Second Class men to make it off the ship alive, which was pretty crazy.

Artifacts pulled from the floating wreckage (and survivors.)

Here's my dude.

Another newspaper front page.

After our Titanic Experience, we walked back over across the street for our free, simulator ride.

Okay, this thing ended up being a Bob's Discount Soarin', which we kinda figured it would be going into it ('cause it's not like this place as Walt Disney World money to throw around.) Instead of stunning, 4K resolution for the ride, it was like VHS-tape quality, and super jerky. Nauseating to look at, I ended up closing my eyes for a solid portion of the ride, which broke down about half-way through our ride. We were totally ready to leave after that, but the meth-head operating the ride restarted it for us and we had to endure the whole thing - in it's entirety - a second time. For a free ride, it wasn't horrible, but I would have been pissed if we had to have paid $10 per person for it, let alone the absurd $30 they usually charge.

After leaving that place (whatever it's called), we got back onto the strip and headed towards our next stop of the day, The Island.

Think of this as Pigeon Forge's version of Disney Springs. Souvenir shops, restaurants, bars, and even some rides, with free parking and no admission fees.

It was like 'Dinosaur Month' or some shit while we were there, so they had life-sized dinosaur statues everywhere. Not that I was complaining, dinosaurs kick ass.

Grabbing a quick snack out of the van cooler before heading out for a few hours of shopping.

Kris and Alayna had wanted to do this Ferris Wheel after seeing a YouTube video on it a couple weeks ago, but the stupid thing costs a ridiculous $20 per person per ride. Nobody felt like doing it after discovering that.

The Island

Setting off down the strip to check out some shops.

We went into some parrot experience, where Kris and Alayna had about half a dozen Macaws sat down on their heads, shoulders, and wrists, but unfortunately they prohibit picture-taking in there (you know, so you have to spend $34.99 on one of their 8x10's.) So just picture it in your head instead.

I wanted to hit up this distillery - the sister store to the one I visited last time - so while Alayna and Abby were spending an hour (not exaggerating) in some trendy jewelry store, Kris accompanied me in for some spirits-tasting.

For $8 (plus a $2 tip), you got a dozen half-shots of a variety of moonshines, whiskies, and creams that they sell in the store. Most of them were really good, but some of the super-strong moonshines were pretty rough.

That one tasted like straight gasoline, and was like 75% alcohol (which is insane.) 

As if the furry-tails weren't enough to deter someone. Alayna did not care for the contents of that store.

Continuing on down the strip.

Alayna and I try out some different hot sauces in this hot sauce store we came across.

I can do a pretty high level of spice, but I wasn't about to try their top tier stuff (the sauces that require a signed liability waiver before you taste them.)

They had a few cool things in there, so Kris and I figured we'd revisit this place towards the end of our visit to pick up some thank you gifts for Mom and John for watching our dog this week.

The girls each picked up a themed energy drink from this place, with Abby selecting a Bob Ross one.

Waiting outside a shop for Abby to finish shopping (forget where we were at for this one.)

Kris and Abby make a new friend.

Alayna wanted to check out this store, seeing how she's got a wide variety of ducks on her dashboard, but they were pretty cheap-looking and nothing stood out to her.

Exiting the strip of stores, we came out near the Ferris Wheel entrance, but no one was wanting to ride rides anymore - we were all getting pretty hungry by this point. 

We decided on Margaritaville, which our family has hit up multiple times over the years and consistently found it awesome. So we headed that way. . .

(. . . along the way stopping to take pictures with random dinosaurs.)

When we asked for a table for four, the inside dining area had about a 50-minute wait time. There were lots of people in line asking for this, so we got discouraged at first. The outdoor seating area, however, only had a ten-minute wait, and was in the shade, so we took that instead. We browsed around the adjoining Margaritaville gift shop until our little light-up/vibrating disc thingy started going off, alerting us to our table availability.

Coming out the back of the restaurant, there was a shaded patio with its own bar and stage, and the weather back here was gorgeous (unlike out in the beating sun, which we had been doing our best to endure all afternoon.) We were shocked more people weren't chomping at the bit to sit out here, it was actually preferable to the chilly A/C indoors.

Margaritaville. Smoky Mountain edition.

We let the girls get whatever they wanted, so Abby started off her drink order with some kinda virgin daiquiri.

Kris and her tropical cocktail.

I was content downing a couple Landshark lagers. I'm simple.

Abby got some healthy rice and bean concoction, the rest of us all stuck to fried, fatty foods.

Kris got coconut shrimp, I stuck with cod, and Alayna (shown here) chose chicken tenders. All with fries, 'cause we're big health nuts in this family.

Our server - who was nice but looked like he lived in a half-way house for recovering drug addicts - offered to take our picture for us.

He must have had the hots for Kris, 'cause he brought over a 'screw up' order from the bartender of the same drink she had ordered earlier, free of charge. So Kris had two of those bad boys in one sitting, and I'm surprised she was able to walk back to the van afterwards.

Our table looked out over a balcony at a small clearing along the banks of a river that encircles The Island, and we spotted multiple stray cats about. Clearly they get free food all the time from patrons and know where to hang out during the day.

I f***ing HATE cats.

OF COURSE Alayna just had to start feeding them. . .

This cat is apparently contemplating the meaning of life.

She REALLY wanted to take a couple home with us. That shit wasn't happening. Even if the girls and I weren't deathly allergic to the little a-holes, I still wouldn't adopt a cat because they're just straight-up, pompous jerks.

After finishing and paying for our meal, we hit up the bathrooms one more time before heading across that bridge you see there in the distance, towards the giant parking lot on the other side of the river.

My view from some chairs outside Margaritaville, waiting for my female roommates to finish peeing (or pooping, I don't know - I didn't ask.)

Passing the Ferris Wheel one more time on our way back to the van.

Why do old people like sitting in chairs so damn much?

Crossing the bridge towards the van.

This causeway that led to the Island's parking lot is covered by thousands of Edison bulbs, which must look pretty awesome at night. Anyway, here's what all that looks like during the day, folks.

Leaving The Island, we drove south, eventually leaving Pigeon Forge and heading into the thickly-forested hills of the no-man's land between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg (where our rental cabin was situated.)

When we got back, Kris and Alayna changed into swim suits and got into the hot tub out back. It was still in the 70s by this point in the evening and Abby and I had zero interest in being warmer than we already were. 

A side-by-side comparison of Kris and the girls in hot tubs during Tennessee vacations (the top from 2014, on our last trip here.)

My roommates making fun of me. I loathe getting prune-y fingers and will do anything I can to avoid it, including being in pools or hot tubs and keeping my hands out of them, like they're doing here.

Since this evening was Alayna's last day as a child - she's turning 18 tomorrow (seriously, what the f***) - Kris wanted to play various songs from her childhood in order to bask in some nostalgia. We played multiple theme songs to various cartoons and movies that she used to watch as a kid, before stumbling upon Yo Gabba Gabba (which was a favorite of either kid during the toddler years.

After folks were finished with the hot tub and had change into pajamas, we sat down to watch Titanic. . . which everyone had been wanting to watch after touring its museum earlier in the day. (Spoiler Alert: the ship hits a big ice cube and Leonardo DiCaprio dies.)

- to be continued. . .