Back to the Smokies, Day II

(cont'd.)

Day II

Into Tennessee, and the Establishment of Headquarters

The next morning, we started getting around - our goal getting back on the road before 9:30am. Of course Kris had to factor in additional time in order to do the girls' hair (she's frequently employed to do braids for the girls when requested.)

After hitting up the free Continental Breakfast (which was pretty good for a hotel), we loaded back up into the van to continue our journey south. Four minutes behind schedule.

Spotted this bad boy on the wall of a men's restroom at the first rest stop we came across ('cause Alayna had drank too much coffee and had to pee. . . again.) Keep it classy, Ohio.

We had a super easy drive through Cincinnati (90% of the time you're stuck in traffic going north or south through this crap-rest), and we breezed over the bridge without having to slow down once. 

Finally out of the shithole that is Ohio.

After some time driving through Kentucky, we spotted one of those giant Buc-ee's gas stations, and Kris had already made it clear that we would be stopping (seeing how none of us and every stepped in one of these before.)

For those of you who haven't heard of a Buc-ee's before, it's basically a massive gas station. That's it. Picture all the stuff you've ever seen in a gas station. Now multiply that by 100. Pumps, bathrooms, available snacks, tacky souvenirs, hot food, etc. - Buc-ee's has it, just a hell of a lot more of it.

This mural looks like shit.

We were excited to see what all the hype was about, but upon entering were kinda let down. It's literally just a giant gas station, there is ZERO reason why it deserves the hype it has. I assume the people who get a boner stopping off at this place are the same sorta people who have gender reveal parties and take videos on their phone vertically.

Anyway, we picked up a bottle opener magnet for the basement fridge to prove that we were there, and each picked out some snacks and drinks for the road. Kris picked up two different flavors of Buc'ees Beaver Bites (like a popcorn but with a cheese puff consistency, I don't know how to explain it) and some roasted cashews, the girls each picked out candy, chips and drinks, and Yours Truly grabbed a couple tall boys of seltzers and beer, but failed to find any black licorice.

Collier texted me upon finding out we were stopping at Buc'ees and asked if I'd pick him up four of these things (whatever they are) for him. I'd have to move them from cooler to fridge to cooler to fridge multiple times over the next week in order to get them back to him when we returned to Michigan, but we managed to pull it off.

Sister selfie in the backseat as we resume our southbound drive through Kentucky.

Starting to get more mountainous as, hours later, we closed in on the Tennessee border.

Now we were in for some serious hill driving. . .

I love these rock walls along the sides of the highway - wish we had scenery like this back home in Michigan.

Kris was totally chill driving through all of this, which is awesome because it would have stressed me the f*** out (all that constant accelerating and braking to go up and down all those hills, no thanks I-75..)

About an hour and a half from our destination, I had Kris pull off at some random-ass town where there was a Wal-Mart (we wanted to stop and grab some last-minute groceries for the Airbnb so we had stuff to eat and drink at the place for the week.) ChatGPT suggested this particular Wal-Mart because it was outside of that Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge touristy bubble, and far enough from Knoxville to avoid traffic congestion and all that. It also said it was 'right off the highway,' but, I guess driving three miles from the exit to the store falls within that range. Kris was not happy about this at all.

About an hour later, having stocked up on snacks, fruit, water, booze, meal components, and other last minute what-not, we got back on the highway and prepared for the final leg of the drive.

Google Maps had us drive through downtown Knoxville. . . for some inexplicable reason.

Isn't that the Sun Sphere? Pretty sure that's what that is.

Continuing south, the mountains (hills, whatever) just kept getting bigger. . . as did the storm clouds.

At one point, Kris had to take some random exit off the highway, and we spent the last half hour of our drive zig-zagging through the countryside on rainy roads like this.

At long last, we turned onto the main drag through Pigeon Forge. . . which wasn't nearly as buy as we remember it. I'm assuming 'cause it was a Sunday evening, and most folks were leaving (you can definitely see a lot more traffic on the opposite side of the road.)

Do you think you pronounce this like 'Magic Quest,' or 'Magi Quest' (like, Gift of the Magi)?

Having driven through the entirety of the Pigeon Forge strip, one continues south towards the wooded area that separates Pigeon Forge from Gatlinburg.

This stretch of road is something like 15 miles or so (maybe less, I don't know), but about a third of the way down the road after leaving Pigeon Forge, you see a little stone bridge off to the left. That's where you turn into a little side road that curves up about a mile, and that's where our rental for the week was.

There-ish, more or less.

A short, easy drive - no scary-as-hell, steep grades this time around - and right off the main drag, which was pretty cool. The location of our cabin was just about perfect, because we could zip into either Pigeon Forge or Gatlinburg in less than ten minutes, but didn't have to deal with any crowds whatsoever where the place was. You'd think that we were 80 miles from anything touristy if you didn't know better.

Our home for the next five or six days - The Cozy Cabin.

There were other cabins nearby, but a long ways off - definitely had privacy with this place.

Due to the scarce habitation of the area, bears were a big concern, and the owners of this cabin spelled out multiple times to keep an eye out for them. Don't leave food in the car, don't leave your car unlocked, lock the cabin doors at night, lock up the garbage bins (what you see here), don't feed the frickin' bears, etc. Despite all of those dire warnings, we didn't see one Goddamn bear on this entire trip. Probably 'cause they were afraid of me.

A small creek (little more than a drainage ditch, honestly) ran through the front yard of this cabin

A tunnel under the driveway (that I never had time to explore.)

The front porch (well, technically 'side porch' but nobody used the front door throughout the entirety of our vacation.)

Spotted the cameras along the outside of the house (hopefully there weren't any indoors, I wasn't cool with being spied on during a vacation.)

Bare with me here, folks - gotta lot of cabin pics to walk you through. So here's the kitchen, with the dining room and living room in the background. . .

The kitchen, this time from the opposite viewpoint (with he washer and dryer off to the left there, the door we came in through in the back, and the living room off to the right.)

Standing in front of the washer and dryer, looking out at the kitchen/dining area, living room, and the front door to the cabin (in the upper right corner.)

Opposite view of the living room, with the door to the girls' bedroom off the bottom left and the front door right behind the camera.)

Opposite view of the living room, with the girls settling into their bedroom there in the background, and the kitchen/dining area and a hallway to the left (leading to our bedroom and the restroom).

We gave the girls the King Bed room 'cause they'd be sharing a bed this week and neither girl wanted to risk touching the other in the middle of the night.

Plus, the other bedroom - which you'll see in a sec - had a door that led off to a back porch (where there was a hot tub), and we didn't want bears opening an accidentally-unlocked door and mauling the girls to death in their sleep. 'Cause that's where normal folks' heads go with stuff like this.

They were pretty stoked about the size of the bed and the closet space (they each had their own closet for the trip, which worked out well due to the amount of clothes each girls brought down with them in their suitcases.)

A skylight above the living room brought in a lot of extra light, and the tall ceilings made the place feel a hell of a lot more spacious than it was (which was still perfect for a family of four.)

The decor in this place (and all of the Smoky Mountain region for that matter) is beyond tacky. Seriously, with the bears down here. . .

Cool lamp, bro.

Okay, so exciting the living room, you turn left and proceed down this hallway (imagine I'm backing up as I'm taking pictures.)

Turning to the left, there's the bathroom. No complaints, it worked out really well on this trip (having two sinks really helped with the whole 'teenage girls getting ready for the day' thing.)

Leaving the bathroom and continuing down the hall, you reach me and Kris' room (the door in the back there leads off onto a side deck, where there's the previously-mentioned hot tub.)

Opposite view of the bedroom.

Walk-in closet (and plenty of hangers, which is awesome 'cause Kris and I neglected to bring any.)

Once we had unpacked, Kris started working on whipping up some chicken massala (however you spell that - you know, the Indian Curry chicken stuff) with fresh vegetables, seeing how we'd be eating like tourists most of the week and it certainly wouldn't hurt to eat some 'real' food from time to time.)

Catching up on phone time ('cause they probably didn't have ANY of that in the car ride down from Michigan, right?)

The front door to the cabin, off the living room. This small foyer-ish room - maybe 6' x 8' in size - held a couple gaming tables, which was pretty sweet.

The first was this retro, Atari console, pre-loaded with like two dozen games.

Space Invaders, or Galactica (I forget which.) I'm halfway decent at it, though.

The girls definitely preferred the foosball table, though - they played the hell out of it this week.

Alayna wanted to have a little family tournament as Kris worked on finishing up dinner. . .

The children battle for dominance.

Kris, playing Pac-Man

I ended up destroying every, last member of my family in foos ball. Don't ever attempt to seize the throne, roommates. . .

So there you have it, folks - we're officially moved in to our cabin rental for the week. Tomorrow morning, our tour of Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg begins. . .

- to be continued. . .