Heartbreak Revisited

Hi folks.

So the other day, I was scanning a bunch of old papers, reports, drawings, and documents that I had stored away in a bin in my Man Room. I do things like this on occasion when I feel I'm not being O.C.D. enough.

Anyway, as I was going through a particular cache of old papers, I stumbled upon an old letter to a friend:


Oh yes. "For Relatives... or Santa." Its an old Christmas list.

I especially like the 'seal' that I drew on the back of the letter itself, as if to guarantee the authenticity of the document (yes, this really came from a seven year old) and that no one, prior to Santa and/or relative, was privy to the important information therein.

Anyway, here's what the letter had to say:


I think that, besides the fact I couldn't spell my own name by the age of 7, this is a pretty solid Christmas list. Two, specific items listed, with a third option for 'some other things.' That leaves a lot of wiggle room for a Santa Claus or parent, I should think. Kind of hard to get any of this wrong, right?

Now here's the kicker: I didn't get anything off this Christmas list in 1987.

How do I know this important document is from 1987? I did a little research into one of the items taken off this list, the G.I. Joe Cobra Wolf vehicle. It appears on this website, in an archive that maintains descriptions and pictures from past G.I. Joe toys.

This particular toy comes from the 1987 line-up. That December, when the toy was on the shelves, I would've been seven. If memory serves correct, the Christmas my family celebrated when I was seven was one that found Yours Truly bedridden with a nasty fever and unable to join my family opening up presents around the Christmas tree. To make matters worse, my extended family was in town, and I was quarantined in the sick tent that was my bedroom upstairs.

Sure, periodically I was brought up a present from the downstairs festivities, but on this particular Christmas, my folks decided that their sons had probably had enough action figures, Nintendo, and otherwise 'awesome' toys, and instead opted to provide us with an 'educational' Christmas.

Although much of this holiday has been subconsciously suppressed in my memory bank, due to sheer crappiness, I do remember receiving plenty of books, wooden old-fashioned toys, do-it-yourself science experiments, and the like. Not too shabby if you're a nerd, or living in the '50s, but, for a seven year old like me who enjoyed shooting plastic missiles at everything under the sun, this was a Christmas that arguably rounds out the worst I've ever experienced (my Christmas in Ghana is right up there, too).


So, if this Christmas list does correlate accurately with the aforementioned Christmas, I think this says a lot. Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, I think its high time you gave me what I'm owed. I require some serious reparations... or whatever it's called. You know, where the descendants of slave-holders give the descendants of slaves some sort of 'ma bad' offering.

I'll accept either of the following gifts:

1.) (x1) G.I. Joe Cobra W.O.L.F. (Winter Operational Light Fighting) Vehicle

2.) (x1) Lego Pirate Harbor Playset

Thank you.

- Brian