The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. VI

Welcome back.

Since we're running short on Holiday music review time, I'm going to double-up on my album reviews from this point forward.  Check out what we have going on today. . .

Album Title:  A Charlie Brown Christmas

Album Artist:  The Vince Guaraldi Trio

Very rarely does one album sum up the entire Holiday season in one fury of sonic awesomeness, but this well-known jazz standard is the staple of the Hough Family Holiday Season.  Every track features the Vince Guaraldi Trio keeping it lose and festive, showcasing their chops while at the same time adhering to each Christmas carol's core melody (something you would think would be simple, but that sooooo many other jazzy Christmas albums fail to do.)

And to top it all off?  The record itself is a festive green.  I mean, that's just awesome.

Long story short, this is perfection achieved.

VERDICT:  10/10 - . . .And Out Come the Wolves  (A flawless Christmas album that receives the same perfect score as the other flawless album that bears its name)

- REMAINS IN CIRCULATION -

reviews from this point forward.  Check out what we have going on today. . .

Album Title:  Your Favorite Christmas Music, Volume 4

Album Artist:  Various Artists

Oh, Granny. . .

I seem to have a ton of these different compilation albums, inherited from God Knows Where.  Most, I take it, are from my dad's mom (ol' Granny Hough, that is) - one only needs to glance upon the inexplicable scrawling across the front cover to identify the OCD-ness of a Hough.  Plus it's in calligraphy, and that's been Granny's calling card for years.

This particular album was recorded in 1965 (see calligraphy at left), and definitely sounds like it.  Not the fun, hip, British Invasion mid-60s, either.  No, this is the stuffy music of the World War II generation - once America's Greatest Generation, now reduced to yelling from their living room recliners at their teenage children about cutting their mop tops and secretly thinking kids' shaggy hair might have something to do with the Communists.

Thanks, Firestone.

Here's something a little random concerning this particular compilation - it's from Firestone.  That's right, Firestone.  As in the automotive tire company.

What the hell are they doing producing Christmas albums?

I'm assuming this was part of a promotion they were running back in 1965.  Maybe Grandpa Hough loaded up Granny, my dad, and my Aunt Lucy up into the family station wagon one December day and drove up to Bob's Tire Emporium.  Perhaps he was going to have some new tires put on the car, and the mechanic there suggested upgrading to the Firestone tires, as they were giving away a 'free Christmas album' with the purchase of four, brand new Firestone tires.  Knowing my grandfather, he wouldn't have jumped at this, BUT maybe Granny got all excited about it and, rolling his eyes, Grandpa Hough had no choice but to relent and go with the Firestones.

And now I'm reviewing the result of that purchase on a frickin' blog.  Fifty years later.

Anyway, back to the album itself.  It's ok.  Yes, just ok.  Nothing too terrible to mention (though the operatic singing gets a little jarring at times), but it sounds like a heap of other Christmas compilations I already own.  Julie Andrews makes a few appearances on this otherwise bland, Pavarotti-styled Christmas compilation, and her songs are halfway decent.  Alas, even Mary Poppins herself can't save this album from being sent back to its former place on the Not-in-Holiday-Rotation shelves.

VERDICT:  6/10 - Meh. (ok. . . but there's better albums out there to sit in its place of glory next to my turntable.)

- SHELVED -

- Brian

Countdown to Christmas: Mass Hysteria and Tardishness

hi folks...

we're about four days away from yule-party '08... and this guy's about all funned-out.

why the humbuggary, you ask? allow me to explain. kris and i were pretty smart this year, and once again accomplished about 95% of our christmas shopping before thanksgiving - giving us an excuse not to brave the hellish gauntlets that we would've otherwise been forced to fight through at one of the local malls and/or shopping outlets. we got it all out of the way so we wouldn't grow sick and tired of the 'season,' that has somehow gone from being a straight-up december-thing to a shortly-before-halloween-through-valentine's day-thing. still, despite our most valiant of efforts, its hard escaping the mass of frenzied idiots when one does have to occassionally venture out into the realm of retail this close to the holidays. i can't stand it.

i don't see why so many people are so friggin' stupid about christmas shopping anyway, but i guess that's because i'm so smart about it. when in public, its common for you to see complete strangers in the parking lots of these strip malls willing to knife eachother over parking spaces... or two grandmothers ready to rip one another's throats out for that last vibrating elmo on a toys 'r us shelf. and at times like that, you find yourself wishing that christmas was already here and over with.

...and while we're on the topic of things that piss brian off, i don't know about you guys, but i've about had it with crappy christmas music. not to be confused with decent christmas music, mind you (much props, vince guaraldi trio, jingle bells-singing dogs, etc.), crappy christmas music grates at your soul like pourous rocks over a fresh wound (mannheim steamroller, pay attention here). this morning, for example, the family and i took a couple of our friends with us to a local church we occassionally attend for some live christmas music. this is out of the ordinary somewhat, but we figured since it was the season for pleasin' and all, why would anyone pass up live christmas music five minutes from their front door? i mean, come on - they had a string orchestra, full band and choir, the works. so we went.

...and it sucked. bad.

not the greatest way to get into the spirit of things, rest assured. it pretty much shot my sunday right in the foot - spoken word over narada-type piano-work? not my idea of christmas jammage. if its one thing i cannot stand, its contemporary christian carols and hymns - give me that kinda material old school and traditional. i want to feel like i'm in a lecture hall when i'm in church, not in some gawdy clapfest. leave the bells and whistles at home, and stick to the traditional stuff. am i boring? perhaps... but i'm also a licensed JamMaster, and know decent music when i hear it. and, in this case, i know when something sucks gigantically as well.

but like i was saying before: we've got four days left of this hysteria before the masses can slow back down again and refocus on what else is going on in the rest of the known world. there's corruption and peril afoot. and apparently some snow. and there's that 'economy' everybody keeps talking about, spiralling ever downward and/or out of control. and there's high school musical 3 making teenagers even stupider and less-cultured. and there's the muppets - still the coolest damn carpet samples known to man.

so, in the meantime, over the course of the coming week, i urge you to stay indoors away from the hell that would surely await you at the mall or a circuit city, and keep your radio turned off to avoid the ear-molestation you'd otherwise have to endure via the backstreet boys singing 'the holly and the ivy.' stay with loved ones, make a snowman, and keep focused on what's important.

...and for yours truly and company, that means making due without snow or family. in order to aid us along in this venture, we're stocked with holiday drinking ingredients, a webcam, and more (non-crappy) christmas music and movies than one could shake a stick at.

do i roll?/well i guess/thunder express.

merry pre-christmas,

- brian