The Cannonball's Sweet 16, Pt. I

Hey kids.

So the Houghs hit this particular milestone this weekend: we've somehow managed to keep one of our offspring alive to the point where they can finally, legally drive. 

. . . well, sort of. She still needs, like, five or so hours of drive time - and to pass a driver's test - before she can actually get her license.

The Cannonball celebrated her Sweet 16 this weekend, which we divided up into two, separate events - per her request. She'd been looking forward to this weekend for a long, long time, and - seeing how it's Alayna and everything - had huge, grandiose plans for the momentous occasion. Large pavilion tents set up in the backyard, catering, the works.

Because, you know, Kris and I are lawyers, and the Cannonball's apparently graduating high school. Frickin' teens.

Just so you're aware, I had a severed allergic reaction to blowing up this balloon arch. I've never had issues with balloons in the last forty-plus years - or latex of any kind - but for whatever reason, these particular balloons caused my eyes to turn red and itch uncontrollably (I couldn't even keep them open, they'd tear up too much), my nose to run, my breathing to become forced, etc. Had to take Allegra, Paladay, and other such allergy crap to beat it down - Goddamn ridiculous.

Our family Fondue set that we break out for parties, oh, once every few years. 

Once we ground reality in her and Alayna remembered that we had already, you know, bought her a f***ing car, she was willing to start compromising on some of her demands. 

She wanted a fancier vibe for her birthday, so Kris and I went out and bought some black and gold decor (at Alayna's request) and we put together a menu that fit her tastes. The compromise for the party here was that she would settle for a toned-down affair under the condition that we'd be able to take her and this assortment of friends up to the family lakehouse on Eight Point Lake the following day for a 'Sweet 16, Part 2' (we had her clear it first with her grandparents.)

Weren't about to let kids drink wine at this Parisian murder mystery. . .

This first part of her Sweet 16 was centered on this Murder Mystery Game that Kris and Alayna picked out online. Death By Chocolate, as it's called, involves eight characters and is set in Paris in the early 1900s. Set up was pretty straight-forward and involved some manual reading, character research, and the hooking up of a TV in the kitchen (along with setting up an appropriate 'vibe' for the evening, obviously.) The kids got into it and, once started, the game lasted about three hours - not bad for the price we paid.

So yeah, the next two installments of this blog of ours will chronicle the Cannonball's big weekend, and I'll let the following pics and videos illustrate how the weekend went down.

Enjoy. . .

The Cannonball's favorite food - by far - is sushi, so we couldn't really host a birthday party for her without buying a platter.

Aside from sushi and fake wine, she wanted lots of finger foods (instead of, say, pizza or shit on the grill.) These meatballs (or, 'Monster Balls') that Kris usually makes for our Halloween Parties are always a big hit with teenagers.

While looking absolutely f***ing disgusting, this chili cheese dip is another party staple around here that gets devoured at parties. If Kris made it more often I'd easily weigh 300 lbs.

Some of the rest of the spread (we rotated out crap as it was consumed - teens will tear through a spread like Sherman to the Sea.)

Kids began to show up around 5pm.

Abby and Ella were nice enough to step in and take the place of two of Alayna's friends - Cristina and Rita - who were invited couldn't attend because they were vacationing with Cristina's family in Madrid.

Kris and I take a break from serving kids pre-game food to have a drink and listen to records in the Study.

The evening's cast of characters for the murder mystery game. Left to Right: Maddie (an archaeologist), Abby (a ventriloquist), Kyle (a boxer), Lexi (a bohemian artist), Ella (a rival investor), Toby (a pyschiatrist), Amelia (a jaded lover), and the Cannonball (a CEO.)

Kris reads out the instructions for the game as the kids research their own characters.

The mystery begins. . .

Lexi takes down notes, and Abby reads from her script, as details of the victim - some chocolatier who was murdered by a bomb hidden away in a piece of chocolate - begin to emerge.

The game was played in a series of 'rounds,' wherein each character had to read from a provided script a small excerpt, and then, afterwards, exchange dialogue with other characters around the table. From these exchanges, clues and details were dropped that the guests had to keep track of in a notebook.

Each turn each character had to go, so each round ended up taking almost an hour.

At the beginning of each turn, we played a few minutes from this video - an interactive part of the game, uploaded to Youtube - that directed players, offered more information and detail, and kind of added to the overall aesthetic and experience of the game. It was corny as f***.

Probably don't need to caption all of these pics and video, you kinda get the gist of it by now. . .

Watching one of the pre-round video segments.

Grabbing a drink between rounds.

Samson didn't know what to do with himself throughout the evening - too many people about the house to just do what he usually does around here, lie on the couch like the lazy piece of shit that he is.

Closing arguments, about three hours into the game.

Things get heated - Lexi was cutthroat with this murder mystery thing (unsurprisingly.)

Revealing the killer at the end of the game (I guess he got away with it because no one accused him. . . ?)

After the game concluded, Alayna and the rest of the kids went downstairs into the basement to open up gifts.

Then, of course, it was time for cake and ice cream (as the law dictates.)

Alayna - like her mom - prefers cheesecake over standard cake, so that's what we do around these parts. . .

With cake and presents out of the way, Kris and I went upstairs and abandoned the basement to the teenagers. They hooked up a movie to the projector, played some games, and otherwise kept themselves occupied for the rest of the night.

Around 11pm, the girls kicked off the sleepover portion of the evening once Kyle went home (we're laid-back parents, but we're not that laid back) with a chaotic hours-long bout of karaoke.  You can imagine how much Kris and I appreciated this blasting throughout our house. . .

- Brian

The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. CV

Time to pour yourself a Christmas cocktail and strap yourself in for a Holiday trip around the ancestral home of White People. . .

Album Title:  Christmas in Europe

Album Artist:  Various Artists

This was a pretty cool idea in theory:  showcase Christmas-y songs from various countries throughout Europe, highlighting the cultural flavors of different countries during the Holiday Season.  Hell, I could easily be talked into a doing a boxed set of something like this, with each record representing a different region of the world:  Christmas in Latin America, Christmas in Africa, Christmas in the Middle East, etc.

After all these years of checking out Christmas vinyl, folks, we all know - very, very well - that cool ideas don't always pan out the way they were supposed to.  This compilation of Holiday music from Europe is a classic example.  There are 44 countries in Europe, right?  Well, out of this album's 14 songs (so, right off the bat, 30 countries don't get any representation), five of these are from England and four are from Germany (apparently better known as the Main Characters of Europe.)  That leaves a mere five songs, with one each from Italy, Switzerland, Spain, The Netherlands, and - ugh - France.

Seven countries, guys.  Tough shit, Estonia - maybe next time.

So musically this album is kinda blah - it's all recorded with very similar instrumentation and vocal-heavy sound levels, so despite by being recorded by different groups (each representing their own home country) it all kinda ends up sounding the same.  While none of the music is downright horrible, it get certainly gets super boring real quick, and one's left feeling cheated.  What might make this one easier to analyze is to break these song selections down by country - mix things up a bit:

England.  Hands down, this country sounds the most like 'Christmas' (which is only understandable because we're England's estranged offspring.)  I'm gonna officially state this for the record, 'Good King Wenceslas' is a f***ing banger.  That song sounds like it was written by happy drunk people for happy drunk people, and watching happy drunk people is always a good time.  If any song in Christmas-dom represents England, it's this one.  Perhaps I'm just partial to the ancestral home of my forefathers, but I think it's impressive that regardless of what artist covers this song, and regardless of what genre the song's rendition falls under, it still sounds medieval.

Germany.  Little children singing in German is terrifying, and should be outlawed (I'm surprised it isn't already.)  Knowing what horrors the German people are capable of makes not knowing what these creepy little kids are singing about makes it all the more terrifying.  And with four different entries on this LP, did every one of them have to be a children's choir?  Seriously - it's like they're really trying to push the 'innocence' vibe on us (wonder what they're compensating for?)  Also, German music has way too many bells and chimes in it.  Shit's too much.

Switzerland.  I've never heard Swiss music before, and it's kinda depressing.  A melancholy piano playing a 'Fur Elise'-ish melody while what I can only assume are starving orphans lament sadly in a language that sounds like Germany's nicer little sister who gets better grades and actually got into art school.  This music sounds like the shit Ken Burns would play in one of his documentaries while they show black and white photographs of young children who were all killed in some monstrous accident.

Spain.  It shouldn't shock anyone that the Spanish number is a rollicking, high-energy affair - fit for dancing in gaudy colors and screaming into the night air.  Not a frickin' clue what they're singing about (sorry, Senora Wolf), but it's safe to assume it's about Christmas.  Aside from England, this is probably the second best country represented on this LP.

France.  This is a boring arrangement poorly executed by a male choir that sounds pompous, blustery, and full of themselves.  You know, just like the French.

What exactly happened during the 1957 Holiday Season, Maggie?

Italy.  I was expecting something more upbeat from the Italians - like what we had with Spain's entry, but with more sleaziness and not as much rollicking.  This number's pretty somber, and while not as depressing as, say, Switzerland, it brings the church vibes so strongly that one doesn't really want to celebrate the merriment of the Holidays.  It's like being offered wine but then finding out it's the shit-stuff they serve at Catholic communions.  Which, honestly, kinda makes sense now.

The Netherlands.  Another frickin' children's choir, this time singing in a language you only hear when you're on It's a Small World at Disney World.  It's almost impossible to separate this song from the creepy animatronics of that iconic ride, wearing little wooden shoes and dancing around in a circle around a windmill.  That's The Netherlands, right?  Or is that Holland?  Are those two the same thing?  I feel like I should know this, and I'm kind of embarrassed I don't.

In conclusion, don't go out and buy this for your collection.

VERDICT:  4/10 - Borophyll (A great concept, poorly executed.)

- SHELVED-

- Brian