The Golden Age of Cartoons

There sure is a lot of garbage out there on television. Especially for kids.

Not like when I was growing up. Back then, in the glory days of the 1980s, the shows on TV were little more than glorified commercials hawking cheap, plastic action figures... but at least they were up front about it. And they were way sweeter.

...and that is exactly why Hollywood keeps making movies based on TV shows I grew up watching, by the way.

So let's flash forward to today. PBS, Nickelodeon, Disney... what used to be stalwarts in childrens programming back in the day have now turned towards computer animation and sex (have you watched Disney's pre-teen shows recently?!) to entice kids. Furthermore, most cartoons nowadays run a whopping 12 minutes in length in order to accommodate the next-to-nothing attention span of today's youth.

Taking this into consideration, we here at the Fortress of Houghitude have always tried to steer our kids towards quality childrens television and away from those annoying, TV characters that make parents want to kill themselves. Alayna might be able to identify Dora, Barney or Elmo, but she sure as hell doesn't ask for them (thank God).

Not in my house.

It definitely helps that we don't have cable, but instead opt to stream Netflix through our Nintendo Wii. This option, for us, is way better, since all the shows we're interested in are on there anyway, and without the commercials.

It's also a fraction of the cost (despite the ridiculous price hike set for September). There are tons of shows to introduce one's kids to, so we're constantly trying out new things in order to maintain our sanity and avoid having to watch the same crap over and over again.

Now, being products of the greatest era in television known to man (the '80s), I've tried to introduce numerous old shows to our kids over the last two years... some with more success than others.

The Cannonball never took to the Muppets and Fraggle Rock like I wanted her to, and only occasionally will sit and watch Sesame Street (though, in her defense, that show is still nearly an hour long). That's disappointing for me, as I'm a huge Jim Henson fan.

If I had three wishes, one of them would definitely be for the Muppets to be real, live in my house with me, and be part of my every day routine.

Jesus, that'd be awesome.

Anyway, while we haven't had a lot of success with the aforementioned shows, some others have proven to be sure-fire gold. Here's a breakdown of what's 'hot' in the Hough household.

1. She-Ra. This one came out of thin air. A lot of people try to get their kids into all the same hobbies they have, and, to some extent, we're guilty of this as well. I bought the Cannonball a ukulele, we do tons of arts and crafts around the house, and our kids are well-versed in music.

Same goes for TV. Kris had tried, in the past, introducing a horde of girly kids shows from the '80s to Alayna - shows that she used to watch when she was growing up. Among these, were such chick-classics as My Little Pony, Rainbow Bright, and Strawberry Shortcake - but none of them really caught on.

Then, one day, Kris tried She-Ra: Princess of Power...

Ka-boom.

This is what I imagine She-Ra, Rainbow Bright, and Strawberry Shortcake look like during their time off-set...

The Cannonball was a big fan. Shortly after becoming hooked on the show, she started taking interest in the toy swords we have lying around the house, and the result was as follows:

2. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. This one was a follow-up sure-fire after she started watching She-Ra. For those of you not brought up in the '80s or otherwise unfamiliar with the Filmmation company's animated juggernauts, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe debuted in 1981 and was massively successful. Four years later, they launched She-Ra as the chick alternative. She-Ra, as it turns out, is He-Man's twin sister, and He-Man actually guest stars in practically every other episode throughout season one of She-Ra: Princess of Power. So, as Alayna watched more and more episodes of She-Ra, she began liking He-Man more and more.

Enter Masters of the Universe: one of my personal favorites from my own childhood, and a huge reason why I'm still obsessed with swords today. Surprisingly enough, and despite what you may have heard elsewhere, I think this show has held up pretty damn well. I have no problem sitting through an episode or three at any given time.

I'm weird, though.

When I was little, this is what I wanted to do when I grew up. I still think it'd beat teaching.

3. Star Wars. There comes a time in every dad's life when he has to approach the inevitable. How to introduce your child to Star Wars. Moms don't understand this. They can't.

It is truly a delicate task, see for yourself.

Alayna has watched bits and pieces of Star Wars: A New Hope, but I don't think she's old enough yet to appreciate the cinematic masterpiece for all its worth. I mean, the kid still refers to the droids as 'robots.'


I think I'm going to hold off on this one for awhile. The Force is not yet strong in this one...


6. The Littles. This one we introduced a couple months ago, but occasionally pull it out in order to break up the monotony. This show was not as well-known back in the day as, say, He-Man or She-Ra, but was still pretty big. I think the original show was in Dutch or French or something. Who knows. Anyway, it was made by the same people that did G.I. Joe... so that's a plus in my book.



7. Care Bears. This little gem wasn't one I was too familiar with back in the day, but we figured it couldn't be worse than a giant, singing, purple dinosaur or a little Hispanic girl with a knack for cartography who hangs out with a boot-sporting monkey. I mean, it was for chicks, right? And it had morals? Why not.

Anyway, we own - for whatever reason - the two Care Bears movies, and, on a whim, decided to try and introduce the Cannonball to the 'Bears...

Holy crap.

Not since Yo Gabba Gabba has a show taken off with our kid this much. If the recent trend continues, and I think it might, Kris and I will have both of these movies memorized within a month. I guarantee it.

- Brian

31 Years

Well, it's that time of year again. The anniversary of the day I came out of my mom.

I'm 31 Goddamn years old today. Hooray for me.

The only good thing about turning 31 is that I'm not turning 30, so, while I am one year closer to the dreaded 4-0, I'm not having to go through that whole ordeal of entering a new decade of age. That's a pain in the ass I don't want to have to do again for a long, long time (say, nine years).

So, this year wasn't as bad for me. I still stocked up on my ritual half-gallon of Sailor Jerry, and I still devoted a good portion of my day playing vintage video games and watching old cartoons from the '80s, but not nearly as much, and I wasn't morosely depressed to the degree I was last year. We also went shopping and went out to eat - so all in all it was a good day.

...and Kris made pirate cupcakes this year. I love pirates.

- Ol' Man Hough

Annoying Crap My Kids Do

Hey, how's everybody doing?

We're tired.

Yours truly and the artist-formerly-known-as-Preggosaurus get no sleep these days. Our newest addition is, by all accounts, nocturnal, and prefers to hang out at 2am instead of 2pm. This makes operating at full capacity during the daylight hours next to impossible, and that's when we have to be putting forth our 'A' game in order to handle the Cannonball's shenanigans.

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, since Kris pissed out our second child, Alayna's been one, giant hurricane of defiance and sass. Not directed to me, so much, but very much so to her Mom. I'm not sure if this is because Kris constantly has a life form attached to her breast or not. Who knows.

She openly defies orders, ignores warnings, and 'talks' back so frequently that 'time-outs' are becoming an almost hourly occurrence. Acting out in anger has become a problem, too. For example, Kris' cell phone was busted. We're not about to point fingers at who did it or anything, but it definitely wasn't Kris or myself. And I highly doubt Abby was able to destroy it, as she can't lift anything weighing more than a cotton ball. But we're not pointing fingers, here. Anyway, since niether Kris nor myself have gotten that publication deal for our Parenting 101: A Guide for Idiots Who Shouldn't Make Babies in the First Place book we've been compiling* yet, we're tackling toddler-wrangling on a day-to-day basis and awaiting that blessed day when Alayna and Abby are both out of the house and off to college.

September of 2028, baby. Start the countdown.

Now, if our days with Raffi taught us anything, its that there lies vast potential in the power of Television. Alayna has becomed obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba, which is cat nip for two year olds. She loves it, and the DVDs we have of it are on constant rotation in the DVD player. Sure, I'd rather watch Yo Gabba Gabba than, say, Barney or the Unmentionable Sesame Street Character That Sabotaged Grover's Career, but its still a strain on one's sanity when one has to watch it on a daily basis.

Alas, for the time being, watching an episode of hip-hoppin' robots at 6am is way better than dealing with a toddler freak out at 6am.

Say what you will. Dad treasures his sanity.

- Brian

* = We're not writing this. That's a joke. We'd be the last people who should be writing a book like this.