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| Hey cuties! |
Hi fellas,
Hey, who enjoyed their
Valentine's Day?! That stupid, hyped-up Hallmark holiday that half you suckers out there probably stress yourselves out over?
You know wanna who
didn't enjoy Valentine's Day? Do ya? I'll
tell you who.
Me. I can't
stand Valentine's Day.
Here's why.
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| More or less. |
Valentine's Day has always sucked for me, if only to remind me, on an annual basis, that I'm arguably the world's
least romantic person in human existence. Its surely contestable. This didn't mind me so much back in my care-free single days - I wasn't trying to impress
myself with thoughtful romantic gestures, now was I. . .
Why, that'd be just
weird.
Now that I'm
married - *
dramatic sigh* - things have changed. Sure, the Mrs.
seems to share my sentiment that Valentine's Day is, after all, just some stupid holiday that Hallmark thought up in order to drive up mid-winter sales. But deep down, I'm
pretty sure she feels a tiny, tinge of rage whenever she has to endure yet another chocolate-less, rose-less, diamond-less, Lexus-less day.
Anyway, what makes it even worse -
besides having to deal with my own romantic issues - is having to deal with all the
teenage drama that comes with working at a
MIDDLE SCHOOL on Valentine's Day.
Holy. Shit.
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| Middle Schoolers LOVE the Punic Wars. . . |
Now, you'd
think that kids would be crapping their pants in excitement over learning about
the Punic Wars. Sitting on the edge of their seats, wide-eyed and fixated on each, nail-biting PowerPoint slide in my lecture.
Hannibal's crossing of the Alps, the slaughter at
Trebbia and
Cannae, the Roman surprise maneuver at
Zama...
...but
NOOOO.
Turns out kids these days are more interested in what one another's boyfriends, girlfriends, and -
gasp! - secret crushes received for Valentine's Day. Was Alejandra's stuffed animal bigger and, dare I say,
cuter, than J'monique's? Did Jamar get
more chocolates than Carlos?
This, dear readers, was the talk of the day in Mr. Hough's class.
Screw Hannibal.
Screw the Punic Wars.
Give the masses stuffed animals and sugar. Long live
Valentine's Day.
pfft. . .
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| My outdoor office. . . |
Anyway, that was the first day in a grueling three-day work week for yours truly. I suppose I can't complain about that crap too much. I did get to spend a lot of time this week
writing, which has been
awesome lately - I wish I had more time on hand to do so.
This weekend I also had a considerably fruitful run at the
Salvation Army in Kissimmee. I generally try and find random oddities, antiques, and obscure collectibles on such runs to the
ghetto thrift store, and today proved to be a successful - and inexpensive venture.
For
$3.26, I picked up a necktie and a paperback. The book was J.R.R. Tolkien's
The Silmarillion - kind of like the Old Testament to the
Lord of the Rings. It reads like Deuteronomy or Numbers, too... but for avid fans of Tolkien, its a must-have, and my old copy is probably growing dust - or
worse - back where I left it... in the bowels of
West Africa. On some random tro-tro.
I doubt a Ghanaian got into
that one...
While this book
was well work the dollar I paid for, it was the
tie that made my day. For a mere
$2, I picked up a brand-new tie depicting scenes from the
Bayeaux Tapestry - the medieval piece of art (and arguably the most famous tapestry in history) that described William the Conqueror's Norman invasion and subsequent victory over the Saxons at the
Battle of Hastings in 1066 AD. If
that's not gangster, than I don't know what is.
I'm totally wearing this to Dave's wedding next month, by the way - stay tuned for pictures and tales from that adventure.
In closing, I'd like to mention that Kris and I decided to take the kids out for dinner tonight. We hit up an
Applebees in Hunter's Creek, based solely on the fact that we didn't feel like anything specific and its always loud as holy hell in there - our kids probably wouldn't stand out so much.
We're generally optimistic people, but
the Houghs don't necessarily have the grandest track record when it comes to eating out with the kids in tow. We were expecting to drop the usual
$30 or so for our meal, receive shoddy service at best, suffer through the eye-rolling and teeth-sucking of those sitting around us as our kids hop about screaming, and be forced to rush through the meal due to toddler freak-outs and temper tantrums.
Surprisingly enough, this outing featured
nothing of the sort. For starters,
beer was two for one, and the server - for
whatever reason - decided to charge my
Shock Tops as two
Bud Lights. Hell, I'm not going to complain - that's about a $2 or $3 difference between the two. Much appreciated server.
If that wasn't enough good news for us to walk away from dinner feeling satisfied - and it very well could've been - we were granted another stroke over extraordinary luck. Throughout the meal, our kids were loud. That's how 2 - 4 years olds roll - they're loud, they're obnoxious, and half the crap that comes out of their mouth makes you cringe and look about public areas nervously.
Sitting next to us throughout the meal was a large group of twenty-somethings - maybe seven or eight of them, sharing drinks and having a good time. Whenever I have my kids out with me in a situation like this, and I find myself surrounded with people who
don't have kids, it worries me. I was convinced that these young adults would
loathe sitting next to our kids, and complain about the subsequent noise and chaos erupting from our table.
But they were all
DEAF!!
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| . . . all the time. . . |
Yes, readers,
every last one of them. I cast a nervous glance in their direction at one point during our meal and saw them signing away with great animation.
...Either that, or they were throwing up some serious gang signs at one another. I can't seem to fathom the likelikhood of two, rival suburban, all-white gangs sitting down for a meal together at an
Applebees, though. Call me crazy.
So
that was a stroke of brilliance on the hostess' part I
definitely wasn't expecting - sitting the couple with the loud-ass kids next to the table full of deaf people. Nicely done, Applebees, nicely done.
But we're not done yet. There's
more.
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| Godzilla inhales her fudge sundae. . . |
I wasn't hungry, and had decided to drink my dinner instead, but Kris' meal came and she enjoyed it without issue. The girls didn't eat either - we had filled them up before we left so they wouldn't waste a plate of food that we paid for (
that usually happens, regardless of whatever fried, kid-friendly food we put in front of them). But we
did decide to treat them to dessert - what the hell - and ordered them some ice cream the minute we sat down at the table.
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| . . .and with her, as always, is Flynn Rider. |
As it turns out, we did
not get charged for this. At all. Our server straight-up decided not to charge us for the kiddie desserts. I'm assuming this is because they're both pretty small, and we just ordered 'ice cream.'
Instead he came back with a fudge sundae for Abby and strawberry shortcake and ice cream for Alayna - free upgrades on what we had ordered. This leads me to believe that he either
a.) just gave us better desserts that someone else had changed their mind on, free of charge, or else
b.) accidentally gave us someone else's desserts and did
not want to get dinged on the tip.
Either way, the kids were happy for getting sugar, and we were happy about getting our
$14 bill. Less than half of what we were estimating to be seated next to a table full of deaf people during happy hour.
We tipped him
$10. Thanks, homeboy.
- Brian
