Tropic Thunder: A Wives Tale

Hey guys.

The Wives, waiting for their departure flight at the Flint Airport.

So today's installment details a side adventure undertaken by our family matron and some of her friends, who abandoned their husbands and children for a weekend away down in Florida.

While their families hung back and road out another, gloomy April weekend here in scenic. . . Michigan.

Some of the local moms had undertaken this trip last year, a couple weeks later in the calendar than this year's trip, and Kris was unable to go due to it falling on the same weekend as Midland High's Prom (and, as you all know by now, that's a pretty big deal around these parts.) This year, however, the planned trip was scheduled for the third week in April, and with nothing else of importance going on, she finally got to go. The trip entails the moms staying in Stephanie's parents' condo on the beach, somewhere around the vicinity of Daytona Beach, so transportation and lodging is all free of charge. Basically for the cost of a plane ticket and a little spending money for dining out and drinks and what not, she got herself four days and three nights in Florida.

(sans menfolk and children.)

Driving from the airport to the condo, about an hour drive.

Accompanying Kris on this lil' excursion was Stephanie (obviously, it's her parents' condo that's the main focal point of the weekend), Courtney, Danielle, Mees, and Lori. They left Thursday morning for Detroit, catching a direct flight down to Jacksonville, and were on the beach by the afternoon (while I was still at work, attempting to sell inner city teenagers on the last year of the Civil War, but whatever.) 

Now, obviously I wasn't involved with this trip at all, I wasn't there to understand the context of any of the pictures, so I'm gonna do what I usually do and just caption this shit to the best of my ability. Kris doesn't have the patience to sit next to me and explain the backstory behind every picture while I try and write a blog post, and honestly a situation like that would probably just descend into chaos. So, I'm gonna do my damnedest to explain what's going on on my own (she communicated some stuff with me throughout the weekend, so I have somewhat of a gist of what went down.)

So, with that said, let's see how Kris enjoyed herself the last few days, thousands of miles away from her responsibilities and familial obligations.

Behold. . .

Stephanie's parents greeted the ladies upon arrival with a round of frozen daiquiris, which went over well I'm sure. 

On the condo's balcony with their settling in booze. From left to right: Nagatha Christie, Lori, Mees, Danielle, Courtney and Stephanie.

Kris and Danielle, checking out the beach

Pretty solid view from the place they were staying at, that's for damn sure. Not sure what's up with the impromptu trailer park at the bottom right, though. . .

Having some drinks at the end of the night with Stephanie's dad.

The next morning, Kris got herself up at the ass-crack of dawn in order to head down to the beach for some sunrise pics.

(God knows she doesn't get up this early on weekends when she's at home.)

The first full day at the beach, the wives had to figure out how to set up their beach umbrella.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

You're gonna see a lot of selfies in this post, folks. Women love taking selfies. . .

Kris, Mees, Courtney and Danielle, strolling down the beach, Reservoir Dogs style.

After a day spent on the beach, the ladies prepared to head out for downtown Daytona Beach for Jeep Week (yes, that's a thing, apparently.) Here's Danielle and Kris sitting. . . somewhere.

And one featuring the whole squad. Maybe this is in their condo building as they were leaving, who knows.

Downtown Daytona Beach, some time later. Lots of Jeeps, sure enough.

Maybe it's just me, but I think people who do this are compensating for something. Like the assholes who drive super huge trucks in town who don't work on a farm or in construction or anything.

Um, that sounds painful.

Mees spots a cat through a storefront window, minding its own business and trying to relax.

Some fancy-ass car, which must think it's some kinda Jeep or something.

Not sure what's more ridiculous - this Wolverine Jeep or the chick's outfit on the left. . .

This dude gets laid a lot, am I right?

The girls set up shop at this local bar, which featured an open dance floor that the wives took advantage of.

Are those bras hanging from the bar?

Old ladies.

Danielle, taking a shot with some even older people (with matching shirts on, so you know they're super cool.)

Kris, Mees and Courtney

The bartender must have offered to take one after seeing Kris taking yet another selfie. 

So he of course flipped the camera around and got one of him himself (I'd fake fun of something like this but I do this all the time.) Looks like a handsome fella.

Kissing some weird-ass frog sculpture in the bar. Personally, I'd abstain from doing something like that 'cause this bar they're at just reeks of bacteria, STD's and bad decisions.

Cutting it up on the dance floor.

Lori and Mees, double-fisting it.

Kris and Courtney, doing the same.

Stephanie, Stephanie's leather biker vest, and a bike.

Yet another group selfie.

Stephanie, harassing a local police officer (who totally looks thrilled.)

The next morning, the ladies headed back down to the beach (I'm guessing these are Kris' knees, here.)

Wives - sans Stephanie - on the beach.

Looks like it got cloudy out and all the ladies - probably hungover from the night before - began to fall asleep on the beach.

Keepin' it classy.

Their condo for the weekend.

Kris spots a rainbow off in the distance - the Gays must be nearby. . .

Kris, harassing local marine life.

Kris and Courtney, maybe looking for shells or some shit. . .?

A starfish (I bet those would hurt to step on.)

Courtney and Kris, acting out the storming of the beach at Normandy.

Another group pic.

And another one (Stephanie might be pooping here, to be honest.)

A couple pics of Kris frolicking in the waves. . .

The day that the girls were to fly back to Michigan, they decided to do a series of small excursions on their hour long drive back to the airport. Their first stop was some roadside attraction, set deep in a bunch of old Spanish Moss trees. . . so, you know, they had to get a pic of them standing in front of it.

Full squad assembled.

I assume that this was a short walk from the road to this little clearing. Lots of weird looking trees about.

The Fairchild Oak. 2,000 years old.

Educate yourself.

That tree's way bigger than it looks, folks.

Not quite Redwood sized, but still pretty big.

That's an impressive trunk right there. The tree's is pretty nice, too.

Another group pic, why not.

And another one.

And yet another one (told you there were a shitload in this post, these ladies are ridiculous.) They drove farther towards the airport and detoured to St. Augustine for like a half an hour to walk around the outside of the fort (you have to pay admission to get in, but you can walk right up to the main gates and tour the forecastle for free.

Kris nabs a selfie as the ladies make their way towards El Castillo de San Marco (which, if you recall, our family has toured before.)

A group pic up in the forecastle (the only part of the fort you can tour for free.)

Another one from another angle (you can never have too many group pics, folks.)

And another one outside on their walk back into town.

They briefly walked around downtown in St. Augustine, but didn't hang around long - they had to get to the airport soon and were running short on time. In the end, though, it didn't even matter - their flight was delayed TWICE as they were waiting at the airport, and ultimately they wouldn't be able to board their plane until like 10:45pm. . . on a school night. Long story short, Kris didn't end up getting home until like 4am, and had to go to work at 7am - how she survived the next day at work is beyond me, that's insane.

So that was how Kris spent her weekend gang - a little better weather than we had up here in Midland, for sure. In closing, here's a pic Kris took of a random, little Jesus figurine that Kris spotted embedded in the walkway on their way back to the car. 'Cause why not.

- Brian