Of Brians and Chrises, Pt. I

Welcome back, Internet.

So this weekend was a looooong, daunting, perilous, ridiculously fun time. My step-brother, Bryan, invited Kris and I - and the rest of the extended Hough Clan -  down to Chattanooga, Tennessee for his wedding to long-time girlfriend, Chelsey. He had called me back during the summer and asked if I would officiate the wedding, something that I had never done before but obviously I accepted in order to help out. It was easy enough to get ordained online and obtain the necessary documents for the ceremony, and for the script I just Googled several different examples and piece-mealed them together until I was happy with what I was going to be reading.

Oddly enough, I wasn't stressed about this at all. I would have been far more stressed out if I had been expected to give, say, a Best Man's speech or something. At least with an officiant script I could read directly off the paper, and I wasn't expected to be funny or entertaining or anything. Easy peazy.

While super exciting, for sure, the timing of this wedding was far from optimal for some of us:  I had Parent/Teacher Conferences until late Thursday night, so a last-minute flight down would have been all we could have managed, and the price for tickets on a Friday were beyond stupid.

We'd have to drive.

We slept through Michigan and most of Ohio before finally rolling into KY.

Fortunately for us, The Whites were in a similar boat, in that Brian also had to work Thursday, prohibiting him from flying down earlier in the week, like, say, my parents and my brother, Chris. Seeing how us and the Whites were all stuck in the same boat, we decided to help each other out and carpool down I-75 from Michigan to Tennessee. We'd go halfsies on gas, saving them money, and they'd provide the vehicle, saving us on the wear-and-tear on Kris' van.

Crossing into the hills of Tennessee, about eight, exhausting hours later.

I'd say 'win-win' here, folks, but it was a long, grueling car ride down and back. In order to roll into Chattanooga before dinner, we had to leave in the middle of the frickin' night. Originally, the Whites were going to have Kris and I drive up to Clare by 4am - to their house - and we'd leave from Clare and head south down US-127. That meant Kris and I would have to get up at 2am, which was downright brutal. . . especially considering I was doing Parent/Teacher Conferences until 8pm.

At the last second, Brian decided he wanted to head down I-75 instead, which meant they would be picking us up at 3:30am from our house.  And that meant we got to sleep in until 3:00am. Still early as f***, but hell - an extra hour of sleep is an extra hour of sleep. I'll take it..

Anyway, long story short, we miraculously made it down I-75 and all the way through Tennessee (which was grid-locked with traffic) and to the set of big, AirBnB rentals Bryan and Chelsey rented for all of their bridal party members and plus-ones. We got there shortly before the pizza arrived, so more or less perfect timing on our part.

So now, dear readers, I will continue on with tons of pics that detail - at great length - this arduous but entertaining weekend.

Behold. . .

Bryan's dad, Neil, brought down an old envelope full of yellowed newspaper clippings that he had held onto over the last twenty or so years, highlighting Bryan's athletic career at Clare High School.

Other Brother Brian checks out some of the relics from Bryan's glory days.

When we rolled in - running on frickin' fumes - folks were just kinda standing around having drinks. While several of the groomsmen and bridesmaids on hand sort of already knew each other, lots of other folks hadn't didn't.

One of Bryan's groomsmen, Chris (whom I went to high school with), brought this bottle from a Tennessee bourbon startup in the area (didn't know you could make bourbon outside of Kentucky, but whatever. . .)

Bryan Rowley, the Groom

My brother, Chris, and his wife, Nicole (at left, talking to Kris) arrived about twenty minutes after we did, along with my parents (all staying in the same hotel.) FYI, the guys on the balcony in the cowboy hats - boyfriends of two of Chelsey's bridesmaids - were really f***ing weird.

Chelsey, the Bride, and a bunch of the Eight Point crew.

After some pizza and a few more drinks, we loaded up into a series of Uber vans (the one we ended up in was a giant douchebag who nabbed a one-star review for douchebaggishly giving us a hard time for making him wait, like, five minutes) and headed into town to check out some local brewery.

Upon arrival, Cindy instantly made friends with some random butthole's doodle puppy.

The service at this place was beyond slow - I only got, like, two beers the two and a half hours we were there. 

Cindy got a bunch of sibling pics of us while we were sitting around, patiently waiting for drinks. Here's Kris and I. . .

Chris and Nicole

Brian and Jill

Chelsey and some of her friends/bridesmaids/whatever.

Chelsey and Bryan

Jill, Chelsey and Cindy, along with the wives of two groomsmen, Alysa (Brent) and Hannah (Joe.)

Got into a quasi-political gun debate with Neil and Joe at one point. That was fun.

Heading for our Ubers, around 9:30pm.

Coming back up the steep driveway, towards the cabins. Jill's a real sweetie.

For the rest of the night, we pretty much just hung out downstairs in the 'garage' area, playing pool and ping-pong. Probably stayed up too late, but it was fun nonetheless. That night, Kris and I hauled our stuff over to the neighboring cabin, where we promptly fell dead asleep, having been up for almost 24 hours.

The next morning, after checking out of the AirBnB's and eating a disgusting breakfast at McDonald's (my first in, like, twenty years) we drove up a nearby mountain to the wedding venue, and our home away from home for the rest of the weekend: Hidden Springs.

So this map of the property would have come in super handy earlier on in the weekend, but we eventually figured it out. The northernmost cabins (the brown ones) is where Bryan and Chelsey, as well as most of the groomsmen and close siblings (us included), stayed this weekend, and where our main 'clubhouse' was located.  South of these cabins - the white ones - were for Chelsey's relatives, bridesmaids, and their 'plus ones.' To the right, you can see the barn - where the reception was to be held - and, directly south of that, along the pond, the site of the ceremony.

Arriving at the Clubhouse.

Before suiting up for the ceremony - that was kicking off in, like, three hours - we had to move a bunch of firewood up to the clubhouse from where it was stored, down behind the barn. Hidden Springs let us borrow one of their golf karts, which definitely came in handy.

We thought for sure Bryan was going to drop most of this on his drive back up the hill, but surprisingly enough he didn't lose a single one.

While we made multiple trips for fire wood in the golf kart, the bridesmaids - who were in one of the white cabins, downhill from where we were - continued to get ready. The people who were doing their hair, make-up, and whatever else had been at it since, like, 9am.

After off-loading the firewood by the Clubhouse fire pit, us and the Whites checked into our cabin, which was directly next door. Bryan and Chelsey were sharing the cabin with us, and so they got the large master suite with its own bathroom. Kris and I were cool with a full size, so we took the bunk beds (you can see it there in the background with the light on), and gave the Whites the queen bed (off to the right.)

Kitchen and dining area (you can see Bryan and Chelsey's room off through to the door to the left.)

Another angle for you guys.

These beds were much more comfortable than expected (thank God.)

Main bathroom.

The back porch of our cabin (that we never once used.)

Bryan White, Chelsey's dad, Yours Truly, and Joe (one of Bryan's groomsmen and a buddy of his from the year he lived in Dallas) out in front of the Clubhouse.

Bloody Mary/Mimosa/Coffee Bar, right when you walk in through the door.

Instead of multiple bedrooms and bathrooms, this cabin featured only one bathroom, a small room that we used for suiting up purposes, and this large game room with a bar and pool table.

The fridge was 3/4 size, but we made it work.

There were some beds in here, but only Bryan's dad, Neil, would be staying in here (once everyone else retired at the end of each night.)

Men's Wearhouse - where we got our suits from - screwed up my name. Assholes.

As the groomsmen started to suit up - slowly but surely - Bryan and I drove the golf kart down to the barn so that I could meet the DJ and confer with him over the ceremony details. We never did a dry rehearsal of the ceremony with everyone, so we paced out how people were coming out, positions of folks during the wedding, cues for when to recede back to the barn, etc.

Within a half hour, we were back up at the Clubhouse. I had attempted to get the rings from Chelsey at the bridesmaid's cabin, but the photographer needed them for pre-ceremony pics, so I would just have to grab them right before there ceremony kicked off.

Still getting ready.

While all this was going on, Kris and some of the groomsmen's wives who weren't in the wedding walked around Hidden Springs, taking pics of the grounds.

We had some whiskey and other spirits up at the Clubhouse - everyone brought a couple bottles.

Chris Blye brought this bourbon with him, which was one of the best I've ever had. I had been to this distillery while on Brocation back in August, but this one was a special release based on a collaboration with Michigan's very own Founders. I'd buy a bottle myself (not that it'd be easy to track down), but at $180 a bottle it's a little too steep for my blood.

My step-sister, still knocking back mimosas.

My brother Chris, joining in on the 'suiting up' fun with a couple Brians. . .

I had tried my suit on ahead of time (when I picked it up in Saginaw after school one day), so mine fit like a glove.

A sign put up by the guest book. You can see the ceremony locale in the background, there.

There were only about fifty people in the audience - about three or four rows of people - so the DJ and I agreed that I didn't need to be mic'd for the ceremony.

The Barn (where the reception would later be held.) We'd be entering the ceremony from those double-doors, there.

Me, Bryan and Dad, entering through one of the side doors, as folks began to be seated.

The Reception Hall. Bryan and Chelsey would be seated at the table in the foreground, while the bridal party and their plus ones would be at the long, farm tables at the center (Kris and I were closest to Bryan and Chelsey, at the table on the right.) 

Brian White, Brent (another groomsmen, who graduated with Bryan and Brian White), and Cindy.

This door, opposite the one in the previous picture, opened up to a large courtyard where they would be serving hors d'oeuvres and cocktails later after the ceremony.

They also had this mobile tap station parked nearby (on the far end of the courtyard) with a couple different beer varieties, cucumber margaritas, blackberry whiskeys, and a couple other drinks.

We got one last pic in before we were ushered back into the barn, where the wedding 'handler' (I forget her name and title) had us lined up in front of the closed barn doors, prepared for our entrance to the ceremony. I had been under the impression, for months, that I was only officiating the wedding. Then, with only about twenty minutes before the ceremony, Brian White told me that Jill heard from one of the other bridesmaids that I was not just an officiant, but also a groomsmen. I would be walking a bridesmaid down the aisle, then assuming minister duties.  Good times.  Stay tuned for the pending Wedding Ceremony, folks. . .

- Brian