Why I Don't Bowl

Respect Hough Toes, America.

I'm good at a lot of stuff.  Not to brag or anything, but I've got a unique skill set that, I feel, puts me a few steps ahead of the herd, so to speak.

For example. . .

I can pick up small objects and open doors with my toes.
I can say the alphabet backwards flawlessly faster than most people can say the alphabet the regular way.
I can have someone murdered without consequence so long as they're willing to fly over to Ghana and meet me in the roadside village of Sankpala, no questions asked.

Wanna know what I can't do?  Bowl.

At King's Bowling in Orlando

Waiting for shoes.

I suck at bowling, and I don't say I suck at a lot of things.  My deficiency in bowling ranks up there with my inability to spell and/or ice skate.  Can't do it.  And never has there been more proof of this than when Kris and I took the girls out to King's Bowling Lanes.

Behold:

This bowling joint was actually pretty cool.  Reasonably priced, with a full bar and restaurant.  We ended up scoring free pop for the evening when our waitress forgot to charge us for it and said 'screw it, it's on the house.'  Too bad the same couldn't be said for my beer orders. . .

Victory dance.

The party bowling next to us hogged the metal ramp-thingy kids use for their bowling balls, which sucked at first. . . but considering they were using it for a severely crippled dude in a wheelchair, we let it slide.  The girls were still able to 'throw' the balls down the lanes anyway, and the bumpers ensured they knock down more pins than Yours Truly.

Taking a smack to the balls after hitting my one and only strike of the game.

Tension builds over the course of twenty minutes as Alayna's ball slowly creeps towards the pins.  A couple times we had to have employees come over and recover bowling balls, which would occasionally stop before hitting the pins.

Abby puts her whole body into preparing to throw the ball. . .

. . . then she just drops the shit on the lane.

After the party next to us left, we were able to snag the metal ramp-thing.  It didn't help much.

Read 'em and weep.  I suck at bowling.

- Brian