Preach it, Sister

Hi fellas,

You know, I've been meaning to post some of the random crap that comes spewing out of my kids' mouths for some time now.  It happens so much, on a daily basis, that you don't really stop to think about jotting it down.  Rest assured, if I had been doing that from Day One, I'd have a tome to rival War and Peace.

With that in mind, I decided that perhaps, from time to time, I'd collect tidbits of wisdom from my children and group them, by category, for public amusement (and horror. . . also horror).

This time around, I'd like to share with you some of the Cannonball's recent theological musings.  As she gets older, she starting to ask more and more questions about life, death, and what comes next.  Pretty hardcore topics for a chick that just turned five, but hey - at least she's not burning ants in the backyard. . .

Concerning Life After Death:

Alayna: "When you get old, and your skin gets curly, you go to Heaven."
Brian: "That's right."
Alayna: "Does everybody go to Heaven?"
Brian: "Some people do."
Alayna: "Do animals go to Heaven?"
Brian: "Well-"
Alayna: "Dogs go to Heaven.  Like the movie with the girl."
Brian: "Oh yeah, that's -"
Alayna: "You know who's in Heaven?"
Brian: "Who?"
Alayna: "God.  And Jesus."
Brian: "That's right."
Alayna: "And chickens."
Brian: "... what?"
Alayna: "You know, 'cause it rains."


Alayna: "When are you going to Heaven?"
Brian: "Hopefully not for awhile.  When I'm really old."
Alayna: "You're really old now!"

Concerning Jesus Christ:

Brian: "So. . . what'd you learn about in Sunday School today?"
Alayna: "Jesus was doing magic, then he fell on his butt.  Then he bumped his head.  Then the mean boy came and took him.  Then he laid down in his nest.  Then he took him back."

Alayna: "When I turn into a grown up, I'm going to get a Baby Jesus."

Alayna: "Jesus loves us, and he died for us.  When I get old, I'm going to marry him."
Brian: "I can think of a few things wrong with that.  He's in Heav-"
Alayna: "Fine!  When I go to Heaven I'll marry him!"

Concerning God:

Alayna: "You know, God made everything."
Brian: "Oh yeah?"
Alayna: "Yup.  He made animals, and flowers, and boogers.  And Wal-Mart."

Alayna: "God's really strong.  He'g got super big muscles.  Can he beat up the Ninja Turtles?"
Brian: "All four at once?  Yeah, probably."
Alayna: "The Power Rangers?"

Alayna:  "When it rains, God's peeing on people."

- Brian