'Preperations,' or 'the Great Hawaiian Shirt Quest'

hi players.

on june 13th, we're throwing a laua (or however the hell you spell it) party. you know... big, fat sunburnt guys in hawaiian shirts and skanky native girls in coconut bras. one of those parties. its for the kid's one-year birthday. you're all invited (i'm making mai tais if you're down with rum.)

anyway...

in preparation of our kid's birthday laua, kris and i took stock of our hawaiian wardrobes and realized they were somewhat lacking. what followed was an epic quest across orlando - back and forth, back and forth - in order to find yours truly the ultimate hawaiian shirt. our journey lasted about three hours, and just about every middle-of-the-road retailer - kohl's, jc penney's, target, your mom's, etc. - was frequented. i picked up a shirt from kohl's that kris despised and that i, myself, wasn't too fond of either... but i wasn't about to go home empty-handed.

not after that odyssey.

but, as we were heading home, we opted to stop at one more store: wal-mart. yes, i hate wal-mart just as much as you do, folks. they kill small business and have out-of-wedlock relations with its wife. i'm well aware of this. but, when hawaiian shirts are on the line, all bets are off: i was on a quest.

in the end, i found two awesome shirts for $1 less than the one shitty shirt i purchased at kohl's (which still has yet to refund that $22.39 - c'mon people. seriously.) i was contemplating (briefly) on taking a picture of the shirt and posting it here, for all the world to see, but then realized that was way too much effort to put into one blog entry that probably twelve people are ever going to read, and that, out of those initial twelve, maybe only two or three would be interested in what my new hawaiian shirt looks like in the first place.

...and so, to appease those two or three readers/hawaiian shirt affenciandos (or however the hell you spell that) out there, i'll post some later when i update everybody on how the cannonball's first birthday went down. stay tuned.

do i roll?/well i guess/thunder express,

- brian

hero of the hawaiian shirt

(tonight the part of 'Ricky' will be played by Fezzig)

you know, kris and i don't come to namin' things easy.

as many of you probably already know, it took us conducting a text message poll before, during, and after kris was in labor in order to tally votes for our own daughter's name (it took until the following morning before 'alayna' finally beat out 'delilah'...).

naming our first dependent - our quaker parrot - was an equally grueling affair before we had finally, after long last, settled upon 'fezzig.' (everything from 'dr.obnauticus' to 'mr. walter snacks' was tossed into the air and later rejected.) alas, we settled upon 'fezzig' because we're both big 'princess bride' fans, and, quite matter-of-factly, andre the giant is just straight-up awesome.

anyway, kris receives word from that lady that adopted fezzig once and awhile, and he's doing really good: his cage is next to the cage of another quaker parrot, and the two of them sit out in the sun and yuck it up together about God knows what. he's well fed and his temperament has improved. all and all, it looks like we did the right thing by giving him up for adoption...

... oh yeah, and the lady renamed him 'ricky.'

'what the hell?!,' you ask, 'can someone just rename a pet like that?' who knows. apparently this lady either vehemently hated the princess bride or else had serious beef with andre the giant... the latter, of course, makes no sense at all. what's not to love about this guy? ->

- brian

ricky's former roommate

The 3rd Annual Hough Disney Adventure (with Pictures)

holy crap... touristing is a tiring, tiring affair.

over the course of the last week, i have successfully traded in my dress slacks for swimming trunks, my I.D. lanyard for a disney fastass, and my pen holster for a straw hat and eye-patch.

i have ceased writing papers for grad school, and have replaced this time-consuming practice with the art of aimlessly walking about over-priced theme parks in the pursuit of themed rides with animatronic robots and short lines.

i have substituted my relatively healthy lunches at work for deep-fried dishes of God-knows-what, and my morning pots of coffee for blenders full of daiquaris and margaritas. instead of tolerating the hordes and hordes of teenagers, i instead tolerate the blistering florida sun and 95 degree weather.

...and it has been awesome.

as we come to the close of yet another, successful hough clan extravanganza, i feel it necessary to point out that this adventure, though quite similar to the previous endeavors by our people, marked the first inclusion of the next generation of houghs setting foot on disney property.

our nephews (blake and bradley) as well as our own tax deduction (the cannonball) broke in their amusement park shoes in proper form. true, while our kid has traversed some of the parks before, this time around saw a greater indulgence in rides and so forth.

alayna tried her hand at several rides over the course of the last week - she liked some, hated others. we've included pictures, here, for your review, and urge you to check out the following site (my dad's) in order to further review what i'm sure will go down as the grandest of all hough family disney vacations...

...until possibly next year, when we do it all over again.

http://web.me.com/jhough/JHH_iWeb/Florida_2009_-_Part_I.html

http://web.me.com/jhough/JHH_iWeb/Florida_2009_-_Part_2.html

http://web.me.com/jhough/JHH_iWeb/Florida_2009_-_Part_3.html

horribly exhausted and sun-ravaged,

- brian

How Fezzig Was Voted Off the Island

well readers, today was the day that we had been dreading for quite some time...

...today we finally got rid of fezzig.

it was a difficult decision to come to, as we had had the little guy since november of 2005 and he was part of the family since we became one, but, for everyone's sake involved, it was the right thing to do.

kris drove fezzig over to palm beach (about three hours away from here), where she met two ladies from miami who were former quaker parrot breeders and knew the breed of bird well. we couldn't have chosen better people to give him to - they own other quaker parrots, so fezzig will have company and other birds to talk to (whatever the hell birds talk about, i don't know), and he'll definitely be getting a lot more attention than we could've possibly given him.

all in all, it was the right thing to do, and we're glad he's going to live out the remainder of his years in a loving home as the center of attention... but it still sucks letting him go. i think we're done with pets for awhile now... he's a tough act to follow.

God speed, fezzig - you'll be missed...

- brian

The Bullet Dodged

well, the colonel pulled it off. one more time.

after much trial and tribulation. after much second-guessing and military-career-considering. guess who just found out today that he gets to keep his job next year?

that's right, friends - this guy:

booya.

- brian

Garage Salin'

as you all know, i've been trying to sell off a few of my swords for many, many moons now. it has been a trying affair, and my success has been limited to the sale of a $20 ninja sword out of the trunk of my ford focus to a guy in a BP gas station.

...not so awesome.

as another kick in the nuts, i recently let another sales opportunity slip through my fingers. hunter's creek, our cozy, leave it to beaver-esque suburb of orlando, recently had a community-wide garage sale. i'd like to believe i could've possibly off-loaded a few of my wares had kris and i been able to set up a table and convinced a few passersby that they couldn't live without a tulwar or cavalry saber. call me optimistic, but i think it would've been possible.

anyway, our own chances squandered, we decided to put some cash in our pocket and see what all the rich people around us were dumping off on the lesser masses...

to make a long, long story short, we made out like friggin' bandits. for a measely $19, we scored hundreds of dollars worth of loot (the vinyl, which i collect as passionately as indiana jones collects shankara stones, especially was a good find). what follows is a brief list of our plunder:

- crab-shaped floating pool toy (not for me, for the baby) - $3

- the dark knight (dvd) - $2

- push and crawl learning playskool toy (again, not for me) - $3

- ten vinyl records (classic and 70s rock, most of them double albums and limited editions - very good find) - $1
- baby einstein's 'baby santa: christmas music box' (dvd) - $1

next year, when they do this again, i'm going to be ready for them. i saw no swords or knives being sold in the numerous subdivisions we drove through, which leads me to believe that not only are the people of hunter's creek unarmed and defenseless, but that there is definitely an untapped market that yours truly can break into: the arms market of the garage sale industry.

of course, taking this into consideration, yours truly is left with a stack of swords in my closet for the next 364 days. that ain't so awesome...

- brian