The Great Christmas Record Odyssey, Ep. LIII

Prepare yourselves for some holly, jolly Aryan Christmas fun. . .

Album Title:  "Polka Christmas" In My Home Town

Album Artist:  Jimmy Sturr and His Orchestra

Soooo many questions with this one.

Hey kids, wanna popsicle?

Why was the 20th Century - specifically the '60s and '70s - so lackadaisical in throwing around the term 'orchestra'?  You can't just call any random assortment of musicians an 'orchestra,' Jimmy Sturr.  Where's the string section?  Or the woodwinds?  How about a few timpani, have any of those?  No?  Well, then I don't think you have yourself an orchestra, sir.

What we have here is, at best, a 'bunch of guys playing beer tent instruments.'  Horns, some drums, a bass, and - 'cause there's no f***ing way you're escaping 'em on a frickin' polka album - accordions.  Lots and lots of accordions.  At best, it's a 'Revue.'

Anyway.

This album sounds like a family trip to Bronner's in Frankenmuth back in the '60s.  Dated Holiday arrangements - nothing out of the ordinary for this Holiday record collector - corny choruses, etc.  It's upbeat, it's festive, and it's German. . . and not in a scary, Third Reich sorta way.  No, this is fun German, if such a thing even exists.

Well, maybe not German.  I don't know what frickin' language this is. . .

All Jimmy's missing here is the Egg Nog.

I've reviewed a lot of albums over the years that give off a vibe of elderly-in-turtlenecks, drinking egg-nog and sitting around their shag-carpeted living rooms lined in wood paneling, listening to albums like this they picked up at a Sears or something, and admiring a lead-laden, tinsel-slathered Christmas tree.  This one is definitely sounds similar, for sure, but it throws in an upbeat march - with a heavy, 'oom-PHLAT, oom-PHLAT' back-beat and a poppy horn section that screams ''stop-motion, 60s Children's Holiday TV Special."

This albums is all over the damn place, but somehow. . . it isn't terrible.

Seriously.  I'm just as surprised as you are.

I don't know, maybe it's the conjured-up imagery of happy Germans swinging around beers and sausages during a Christmas feast, maybe it's fond recollections of going to Bronners as a child when it wasn't packed shoulder-to-shoulder with assholes, maybe it's just the absurdity of a polka Christmas album.  Who knows.  But this album isn't horrible.

Gotta love the cheesy letter on the back of a Holiday album. . .

Not one of my favorites, mind you, but not something I can really find fault with, either.  It's a polka album, folks, and while no one under the age of 78 can honestly say "polka is my favorite type of music," if you go into this one accepting the fact that you're going to hear some accordions and march signatures, you're gonna be fine.

Granted, I could definitely do without the German chorus chanting 'HAIL, CHRISTMAS' during their militaristic march numbers. . .

Too soon, Mr. Sturr.  Too soon.

VERDICT:  5/10 - Meh (By all rationale, this one should be a shit-show, but it somehow works just enough to keep it in the collection. . . just don't expect heavy repeated listening.)

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