The Houghs' Return to Florida: Day VI

(contd.)

Day VI

Epcot

The sun rises on our sixth day.

It was going to be incredibly hot today.  Not as hot as our first day at Universal Studios, but about a degree or two cooler.  Unfortunately, today we were doing Epcot, which required a hell of a lot more walking and less time indoors in air conditioning - this would end up being, by far, the most grueling day at a theme park.

Back to Disney World.

To avoid paying another $25 in parking, the Voigts met us at this particular Speedway station, which is located amidst the maze of exits, entrances, and side roads that lead to various Disney theme parks and resorts.  Here, Lindsey and I would switch vehicles so that there was a Disney employee - who can park at the attractions for free - in each car.

The Houghs (and some stuffed animals) awaiting the Voigts at the rendezvous point.

These gondolas/cable cars/people movers - whatever you want to call them - have been recently built throughout this area (I took this from the Speedway parking lot.)  There's a main hub about a block from where we were parked, and from this hub these things snake out in multiple directions.  The goal with this is to cut down on traffic and parking congestion, freeing up tourists to get in an out of the parks easier and faster.  Pretty smart move on Disney's part.

Didn't have to pay a damn thing this time around.  Should've had the Voigts with us all week.

Always remember where you park, folks.

Prepare for a day of pure Hell. . .

Through the turnstiles, the Voigts having us gotten into the parks for free once again.  No complaints here.

Obligatory shot of this giant golf ball.

Obligatory shot of a family in front of this giant golf ball.

Obligatory close-up shot of this golf ball.

Our kids are getting pretty good at finding pockets of shade whenever, and wherever, they can.

I think my favorite portrait here is the one of the fat, little Asian kid.  He looks like he picks his nose and eats it.

Pouring over the park maps we picked up on our way in past the turnstiles.

The Houghs and Voigts set off for yet another tour of Epcot (we've done this about two or three dozen times before.)

Like at Animal Kingdom, the Voigts hooked us up with three Fast Passes for the day:  Spaceship Earth, Soarin', and Mission: Space (this last one being a throw-away - we couldn't decide what the third one should be, seeing how there aren't really all that many great rides at Epcot.)  The first thing we did upon entering the park, after taking our obligatory golf ball pics, was getting our asses on this ride.

This is my favorite ride at Epcot.

In case you've never been on any of these Epcot rides, I uploaded videos of all the rides we went on (as I did with our days at Universal Resort), courtesy of Youtube.  You're welcome.

Leaving Spaceship Earth.

After that ride, we had a little time to kill before the window opened for us to utilize our next FastPass for Soarin', so we decided to hit up this central area of the park.

Lindsey recommended we recreate this picture of Adam and the girls in front of this fountain, which we had taken years ago.  I didn't have the particular photo in question pulled up on my phone, and even if I did I wouldn't have been able to see it because it was so damn sunny out, so it's not a perfect reenactment. . .

Here's the original, ca. 2012.

 

While in this area, we hopped over to this Coca-Cola store, where you could try pops ("sodas," if you're one of those people) from all over the world, for free.  Our kids were sold at "free pop."

Kris, having a minor stroke.

Some of these are better than others.

I'm glad we hit this place up so early in the morning.  As the day goes on, the floor of this place just gets stickier and stickier.  It's f***ing disgusting.

Back outside in the sweltering heat.  It was still before 10am, and hot as hell.  It was going to be a loooooong day.

We still had time to kill before Soarin', so we decided to hit up the The Seas with Nemo & Friends ride.

About a 25 minute wait.  Not too bad.

Waiting for Adam to park the stroller before heading in.

The Seas

After the rides, we still had a little bit of time, so we took the kids next door to check out the various aquariums that are located within The Seas.

The Cannonball beholds a Manatee - the saddest animal in the animal kingdom.

Aquariums are awesome.  I could spend all day just zoned out looking at frickin' fish.

Having some snacks - and lots and lots of ice water - before continuing on.

Picking up kids. . .

Wiping Abby's nasty-ass armpit sweat off my arms.  Kids are gross.

Having conquered the Seas, our party moved on to the Land. . .

This cafeteria is always a complete clusterf***. . .

The Voigts' daughter, Ella, was too short to ride on Soarin', so we had to split up to do that ride.  While Kris and Lindsey stayed back with her in the Child Swap area, Adam and I took my kids on the ride (video below.)  Afterwards, the girls went on and Adam and I went to the other side of the cafeteria to check out the not-nearly-as-cool ride, Living with the Land.

Behold the intensity of. . . the Land.

The total experience of riding on the Living with the Land ride, summed up in one, single facial expression.

Edge of your seat entertainment, folks.

Meanwhile, back at a much more exciting ride. . .

After meeting up with the womenfolk, we decided to grab some lunch in the Land.  Abby and I were able to snag a table in the cafeteria and enjoyed a few minutes of air conditioning and sitting down.

Following a lunch of salads and sandwiches (and lots and lots of water), we headed back over to the Seas to pick up the Voigts' stroller.  Behold my personal obligatory picture of a monorail passing in front of the Epcot golf ball.  I always try and nab a pic like this while I'm at Epcot. 

Damn it, frickin' kids in the way. . .

Setting off, once again. . .

The Imagination ride.  Featuring Figment.

I more or less took this picture because my brother, Chris, was obsessed with this ride when we came down on a Florida vacation back in 1993.  He used to be a bit of a dork (runs in the family.)

Having canvassed all that we wanted to do in the first half of the park, we headed out to the other half of the park:  World Showcase.  This is by far the better half of the park, and where we anticipated spending the majority of our day.

The wait time for the Fiesta ride in Mexico was only five minutes, so Adam and I broke our traditional 'Counter-Clockwise' approach to the World Showcase and started at Mexico first.  Sacrilege, I know.

An ice-cold margarita sounded amazing - by now it was in the mid-90s, with no shade or breeze to be found anywhere - but we didn't stop.

(Not historically accurate.)

The Houghs in front of some replicated Mayan carvings.

Disney's stupid Coco movie has completely taken over Mexico, and everything inside is now Dia de lose Muertos-themed instead of Aztec/Mayan, as it was before.  Way to go, Disney.

See?  Look at all these frickin' sugar skulls.  That's all they sell here anymore.  No more traditional Mexican artifacts like I used to buy from here.  Ridiculous.

Don't mind me, folks - just gonna take a few pics of you guys eating.

The girls checking out some glass-making demonstration.  Who knows why.

They have a couple interactive displays here in Mexico where you can see what you'd look like as a Coco-themed skeleton.  I'm seriously fed up with Disney incorporating their movies into all the various countries of the World Showcase.

Not at all like any of the pyramids I saw during my trip to Mexico. . .

Catching shade wherever they can.  By this point in time the kids were pretty miserable - it was so hot out, and they just wanted to cool down.

You can't tell from this picture, but it was mid-90s and muggy as all hell.  No breeze to speak of, and we were spending most of our time walking around outside under the sun.  Far more intense than any previous day we've had in Florida so far.

Lindsey, shopping for hats.

Some purposely-made-to-look-vintage posters on the side of a souvenir kiosk.

Alayna finally pulled the trigger on purchasing a ring, and requested a specific design from this Mexican ring carver.

She placed her order, paid for her ring, and we continued on.  We'd end up returning an hour later to pick up her ring.

Alayna requested a design (right) that closely resembled Kris' ring (on the left.)  Kris' ring once belonged to her dad's younger sister, who was killed in a motorcycle accident before Kris was born, sometime in the early '70s.

Welcome to Norway.

Gotta have one of these pictures whenever one's at Epcot. . .

I fight these spriggon dudes all the time in Skyrim. . .

It was so brutally hot out that Adam and I picked up beers for the two of us and Lindsey, along with ice creams for the kids, just as we entered Norway.  Nobody could take the heat.

Kris doesn't enjoy holding her husband's beer.

Ice cream does wonders for morale.

Within minutes, these things turn into a melty shit-show.  No problem for Abby, who devours her ice cream in a matter of seconds, but Alayna like to spend a frickin' hour eating her dessert. . . and this is the result.

This is just painful to watch. . .

 

Thor, Mjolnir, and Abby

(We didn't go in here.)

This is another example of a must-do pic, whenever one's in Norway.  That being said, we've taken far better versions in previous years.

 

That Frozen ride had a ridiculous wait time for what it is (another Nemo or Little Mermaid-type slow ride.)  No thanks, folks.

Leaving Norway.  The Voigts left us at this point, both of them having to work the following morning and their kids being on the verge of mutiny.  A dip in their personal pool, some showers, and some air conditioning sounded too tempting for them to pass up, so we said our goodbyes and parted ways.  We plan on reconvening for our next Disney trip, tentatively scheduled for 2020 or 2021.

Welcome to Xian. . .

Abby, blending in.  Note her sun dress, which has been hiked up and tied off on account of the brutal heat.

The Cannonball makes a new friend.

Whenever I go in these stores I always wonder how stereotypical and borderline racist this decor/product offerings are.  Like, are they pandering to what Westerners think China is like, or is this what China's really like?

The womenfolk immediately splintered off in various directions in order to start trying on clothes.  I continued shambling about the store, taking pictures and otherwise occupying my time.  I've learned long ago how to keep myself busy while my roommates take FOREVER shopping for clothes.

Both girls wanted to buy these summer/cover-up dresses, which were pretty inexpensive at about $20 apiece.  They each tried on a half dozen or so, and here are the ones they ended up on.

Buddha's got some singles for the strip club.  I didn't know giving offerings to this was a thing. . . 

Cultural Artifacts.  Now we're talkin'. . . .

This monkey statue, depicting the Monkey King (a legendary warrior from Chinese mythology) also represents the Year of the Monkey, in which I was born.  The larger, brown/red statue (not the gold one) was missing it's simple staff, so I took a large, axe-looking weapon (that looked way cooler and was far more ornate) off a different, Chinese general statue of the same size - and took that up to the cashier.  She brought a brand new statue for me, still in its box for me, but upon seeing that it had a boring staff (instead of the axe I had taken off the other statue), I complained.  So the cashier switched it out for the axe I had lifted off another figurine and I got me a badass statue for about $30, which shall henceforth sit on a bookshelf in my Study, representing my spirit animal of sorts.  Not a bad bit of business if I do say so myself.

Having purchased my statue, I continued walking around the China souvenir stores, waiting for my female compatriots to finish up picking out their damn clothes.

Abby, wearing her new dress, finds some inner peace.

Alayna and some fat guy.

Usually when I see this guy, I try to get a picture of someone feeling the guy's tits, but Alayna wasn't having it.  Oh well - you'll have to make do with this instead, America. . .

(She was no good at this.)

Having acquired a few more souvenirs to add to their treasure trove, the Houghs set off once more.

Upon leaving China, we continued clockwise around the lake.  Alas, our timing was pure shit:  The bridge spanning an access canal was up so that the barges carrying the fireworks for the evening light show could get into the lagoon.  We had to wait about ten minutes out in the oppressive sun before the bridges went down again.

It was a looooong ten minutes, folks.

Once the bridge dropped, and the gathered masses that had been waiting impatiently under the hot sun had stampeded across, the next 'country' that one came across next in the World Showcase was 'Africa.'  'Cause, you know, Africa isn't forty four separate f***ing countries or anything. . . 

Some bitchin' African walking sticks.  At $75 apiece, ridiculously over-priced.  I collect African walking sticks, and have purchased ones that look way more badass off of eBay for half that.

Our kids sat under this dude's fan and watched him carve shit for a few minutes.  He was a patient, patient man.

It felt just about as hot as Africa today, that's for damn sure.

Look, folks - another shot of that golf ball.

On the outskirts of our next stop - Germany - was this Wishing Well from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  The girls insisted on posing next to it.

This isn't the Germany I've grown accustomed to seeing in the Indiana Jones movies. . .

Kris, the great mom that she is, totally loses her kids as they wander off into a souvenir store.

Steins.  If they were a little cheaper - and I had a little more German ancestry according to Ancestry.com - it'd be something worth considering.

Tiaras.  Shit like this always gives me anxiety.  Fortunately our kids didn't break anything.

Again, just like in Mexico and Norway, we saw that Disney franchises have seeped into the various nations of the World Showcase.  Whereas it used to be various German goods and products being offered in these souvenir stores, now it's bullshit nonsense from Disney movies that even closely resemble that nation's culture.  Now, in Germany, there was a crap-load of Snow White and Tangled stuff on the shelves.   Thanks a lot, Disney.

Stop.  Hammer time.

Some old, expensive clock that we didn't buy.

Back outside in the German courtyard, Saint George impales a Poke'mon with his lance.

Back on our trip around the "world". . .

Abby can't take much more Disney.

Headed into Italy.

I've actually seen half of the buildings these replicas are based on, when I went to Italy back in 2013.  Check it out.  Most of the buildings and pillars you see at the front here are from Venice.

Our resident Greek Mythology expert requested her picture taken with Neptune (we're in Italy, so I'm using the Roman vernacular.)

A Disney photographer threw Kris, Abby, and this random sheild in alongside her.  Thanks anyway, lady - I'm not buying your over-priced bullshit photo.  My camera is nicer than yours.

Pretty sure this dude is also Ariel's dad.

After we left Italy, Yours Truly stopped off in 'Merica to pick up a Yuengling from my fellow 'Mericans.  Kris picked up a couple smoothies for the girls and herself at another American kiosk, and we continued on without stopping.  We live here, we don't need to check it out any further.

The girls make a new friend along the World Showcase. . .

THAT'S QUACKTASTIC.

'MERICA

The world showcase lagoon.  Or whatever's it's called.

Next stop:  Japan.

On the top floor of this building is a pretty badass hibachi grill us and the Voigts ate at once.

Another obligatory picture of that Goddamn golf ball, as seen through a Japanese Pi symbol.

Kris once again holding my beer while I scamper off to take pictures. . .

Double-fisting it, Mom-style.

Checking out some Japanese souvenirs. . .

Abby is in stuffed animal heaven.

No.  More.  Stuffed.  Animals.

Giving the Cannonball a pep talk.  We still had a long, long way to go.

Despite the A/C it was still ridiculously hot and muggy inside the store.

Leaving Japan, out the feudal castle doors.

The angle the walls go into the moat here always weirds me out.

Marie Kondo's uncle, Jerry Kondo.

Next up on our tour was Morocco. . .

Kris and the girls spent FOREVER shopping in here.

This is probably my favorite stop along the World Showcase.  I tend to gravitate towards the architecture and aesthetics of this place over its Asian and European counterparts.  Niger looked a lot like this.

Shop 'til ya drop.

Jewelry's been a fan favorite this week.  That and stuffed animals, of course.

While Kris and Alayna continued to shop, I took Abby over to the restrooms.

Shortly after taking this picture, while waiting for Abby to finish up using the restroom, a frickin' fire ant bit me on the inside of my right forearm (I was leaning against an iron fence, near a tree.)  Frickin' bite swelled up like an egg and bothered the crap out of me for the rest of the trip.  I killed the shit out of that ant, though.

Kris and Alayna, done with shopping, met us at the fountain at the entrance to Morocco.  We were also meeting an old friend of ours from the Peace Corps, Bonnie, at this spot, as she lives in Orlando now and works for Disney. 

Kris and Bonnie, cluckin' about woman stuff.

Bonnie was able to park at a resort that enters into Epcot from an access point between France and England, so it wasn't hard for her to park and get to us in nearby Morocco.  Her husband, Brett, was one of my closest friends (and neighbors) while I served in the Peace Corps, but he couldn't make it out to visit as he was traveling out of state while we were in Florida.

I always take a shit-load of pictures in Morocco. . .

Back to shopping. . .

Pretty sure we have a very similar picture to this from Ghana, 2003.  God knows the sweating was just like old times.

KICK OUT THE JAMS

We hung out in this place for awhile, since it had a fan and the kids were putzing around the shop.  Bonnie was able to get folks a pretty decent discount on merch (being a Disney employee and everything), so at various times Kris or the girls would give her money and she'd go off and buy whatever it was they wanted (I think they all settled on some jewelry.)  Disney's pretty strict about their employees not buying shit for other people.

Abby just can't resist sometimes.

This looks like a bad guy's evil fortress, doesn't it?

(No one answered.)

Not surprisingly, Disney associated one of their franchises with this stop in the World Showcase.  And of course it was Aladdin.  God knows the setting for that movie was in Agrabah, and NOT Morocco.  But hell, they're both apparently Islamic and Arabic, so close enough, right?  God, I hate Disney sometimes. . .

After Morocco, we continued on to the next stop, France. . .

Alayna was pretty excited for this stop, as she's into everything 'Paris' right now (her bedroom is even Paris-themed now.)

We didn't go into any of these restaurants and wineries - there's not much in France to do, and it's never been one of those stops I enjoy.

This is the only souvenir store they have in France, and Alayna went nuts in here for quite awhile.  We just hung out and caught up with Bonnie underneath some fans while she shopped around.

Alayna gave Bonnie some cash and Bonnie was able to get her a discount on an Eiffel Tower keychain she picked out.  There was a lot of Paris-themed decor items Alayna picked out in that store, but it was all over-priced, and we told her she could pick out similar shit on Amazon for half the price.  Hate doing that so much on this trip, but we're trying to teach these kids of ours how to be smart with their money.

Disney's attention to detail throughout this World Showcase is pretty awesome.

Leaving France.  Alayna was funned out with all things Epcot by this point, and just wanted to sit down somewhere inside air conditioning.

Crossing the English Channel.

Welcome to jolly ol' England. . .

Hell yeah, Michigan.

England's one of my favorite spots in the World Showcase, for sure.  Good beer and pubs, good stores, good architecture and decor.  Doesn't hurt that our family heritage is nearly 80% English, Irish and Scottish, either.

Knowing Alayna was running on fumes, we tried to get a table at one of England's restaurants, but it was shoulder-to-shoulder packed with patrons, and there were no tables available.  I snapped this while we had a server check on table availability, but unfortunately there was a 40-minute wait, and we couldn't wait that long.

This about sums it up.

Unable to find a spot indoors, we claimed this bench in the shade, where at least we could sit down out of the sun and rest.  I grabbed myself a beer, too.  'Cause England.

Alayna, grumpily going through her backpack.  Took her a bit to get through this funk of hers, but she eventually came around.

Taking care of some much-needed child maintenance.  Hair up, dresses on.

Almost in a better mood.  Working on it.

Hanging out with Brett and Bonnie's kid, whom Abby nicknamed "The Happy Potato."

Voguing in England

Kinda disappointed we couldn't get a table in here, but we managed without it.  That bar was insanely busy.

The Cannonball, FINALLY in a better mood.

Saying goodbye to Bonnie after getting to hang out with her for a couple hours.  She had to go home to wind her kid down, and - like the Voigts - she had to work the next day.  It was past dinner time and getting far into the evening by this point.

Once again on our own, the Houghs poked around the shops in England for a little bit.  Maybe it's the sword nerd in me, but I LOVE the decor in this place.

The girls wanted their picture taken in these stereotypical phone booths.  So that's what we did for awhile.

After a long day of sweating, I'm still extraordinarily handsome.

 

If you randomly came across me in a theme park, there's like a 95% chance I'd be doing this.

Old people selfie.

Still in these frickin' booths.

After England, we continued on to the last country in the World Showcase:  Canada.  This country is just as boring as it is in real life, though, so this is the only picture I took there.  We stopped at this gift kiosk and continued on our way.  F*** you, Canada.

Leaving World Showcase, we returned to the front half of Epcot. . .

Once again, the great golf ball.

. . . . and a couple pics of our kids in front of it.

 

Alayna, filming the fountain.

Enjoying the Fountain

This picture turned out pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

Now the parents in front of it, photo courtesy of the Cannonball.

Kris and Alayna decided that they wanted to take advantage of our last, remaining FastPass and go on Mission: Space around this time.  Abby, however, was not down with going on a simulator, so we decided to split up.  While the others were on Mission: Space, Abby and I set off for Spaceship Earth (which, by this point in the evening, only had a ten-minute wait.)  We set up a rendezvous point for this MouseGear store in a half an hour.

One more go-'round on Spaceship Earth.

After meeting up at MouseGear, we went next-door to a neighboring restaurant and grabbed some dinner for the kids.  This was the view from our window-side table.

Following dinner, we went back across the thoroughfare and into MouseGear to let the girls shop around for a bit.  Once again, Abby tried on some mouse ears, but didn't find anything she was really gung-ho about.  In the end, we left without anyone buying anything.

The evening light show over the World Showcase was just starting, but we set off in the opposite direction:  thunder was beginning to sound in the distance, and a torrential downpour was barreling down towards us.  As we made our way closer and closer to the parking lot, dark clouds and impending doom continued to draw nearer - we'd be cutting it REALLY close.

One last shot of the golf ball.  We had to power-walk back to our car in order to save time, but fortunately we weren't parked too far back this time around.  We made it safely into our rental car just as the heavens opened up and pure hell rained down all around us.  The deluge lasted the entirety of our drive back to our condo, and upon arriving we found both girls conked out from exhaustion and fatigue.  We had successfully conquered Epcot, despite the insane heat.  One more theme park to go.

To be continued. . .

- Brian