Un-Carpetbagging, Pt. II (feat. the Cannonball's 7th Birthday)

And so our story continues. . .

Dad and I awoke around 5:30 - 6am, and quickly got around and hit up the complimentary - and awesome - continental breakfast in the motel's main building.  Unfortunately, their coffee was to be expected, so I walked next door and hit up a McDonald's.

Dad picked me up on my way back, and we were off to an early start.

Some construction in northern Georgia.

Two states down, three states to go. . .

Kris' caravan had gotten in the previous evening, so that morning once she got the girls around, she took them around the corner from my mom's house to Plymouth Park in Midland (the city to where we'll be moving. . . and residing.)

Hooray for Knoxville. . .

Pretend this is our truck, for a sec.  This is what we looked like, driving up through Tennessee this morning.

Hey look, a river.

Our first traffic jam, and the second time Dad nearly killed us in the truck.  See that silver car, there?  Dad flew up on it, not noticing the brake lights, and if I hadn't screamed out for him to stop, he surely would have smashed that car into the back of that yellow, Central Transport truck ahead of him.

We lost about an hour in that traffic jam, which totally killed our momentum going through Tennessee (we had been kicking some serious ass there for awhile.)

There was no accident to speak of, either - all we could ascertain was that the delay was due to these assholes' coffee break on the side of the road.

Much more scenic than our drive up through Florida and Georgia. . .

As we closed in on Kentucky, up in Midland Mom's side of the family was gettin together at Mom's for Alayna's birthday party (that's my brother and his wife Annie, to the left, and their two kids alongside mine.)

The Cannonball, cooperating with Uncle Chris for a picture.

Is this a gang sign?  I don't know my gang signs.

The birthday girl.  Bein' weird.

Abby

She got a bike from Mom this year (though she spoiled the surprise by walking in on it before it was wrapped.)  Oh well.

While they were busy eating cake and singing birthday songs, Dad and I were driving out of the Smoky Mountains. . .

A beautiful view. . . and the mountains aren't bad either.

Captain has the Helm.

Despite the traffic jam, we made pretty good time coming into Kentucky - at the rate we were going, it looked like we'd be in Midland by 10pm.

Kentucky is like the clean-cut cousin of Tennessee and Georgia - it doesn't allow all the tacky billboards along the side of its interstate highways.  Alas, that doesn't prevent its hillbilly residents to erect their own billboards on adjoining private property. . .

Some brief showers.

Horses.  Way to play to the stereotype, Kentucky.  What's next, a roadside whiskey distillery?  (. . .ok, that wouldn't be so bad.)

. . . honestly, is it more fun saying this in a super-ghetto accent, or a white-trash, redneck accent?

Kentucky had been non-eventful and boring, and after three and half hours driving down from the Smokies Dad and I were glad to be done with it.  Still, had we known what was lying in store for us in Ohio, we may have just stayed put in Kentucky. . .

A church?  Yeah, right - as if God goes to Ohio.

Coming into Cincinnati (I've never once driven through this city without wanting to kill myself.)  By the way, did you know the city is named after the Roman hero and dictator, Cincinnatus?  True story.

No.

. . . aaaaand of course, there's a traffic jam in Cincinnati - why not?  To be fair, it was not only a higher volume of vehicles that caused the traffic jam, but also serious - and asinine - construction.  AND a car accident or two.  God, I hate Ohio.

After clearing Cincinnati, Dad and I started to make good time again. . . but the roads were terrible, and the truck was vibrating like crazy.  Dad began to experience terrible, excruciating pains in his side, and they didn't let up at all.  After an hour or so, our GPS systems began to warn us that there was an hour-and-a-half delay caused by a traffic jam outside of Dayton.  Google recommended taking a detour through downtown Dayton (not something we were looking forward to doing), but, considering the alternative, we didn't feel like we had much of a choice.

The luckiest people in Dayton, Ohio.

Dayton

This detour - with all it's crappy lights and downtown traffic - ended up taking us about a half hour, and it was far from fun, taking into consideration Dad's worsening pain and the fact we were driving a bright yellow, 26-foot truck.

Okay, this building looked kinda cool.

Back to civilization.

Not having very much fun

We soon realized why Google had sent us through the gauntlet of downtown Dayton - there were NO vehicles moving northbound on I-75.  Coming in the opposite direction, for about five or six miles, vehicles were at a bumper-to-bumper standstill.  We never found out what had caused the massive congestion, but whatever it was you know it's bad when it's backed up that much in the opposite direction.

Still backed up, about six miles north of our point of reentry.

About a half-hour north of Dayton, Dad pulled off at a rest area so he could vomit up everything in his stomach and lie on bench in agony.  While stopped at this rest area, Cindy called me trying to get ahold of Dad, saying that Granny had suffered a mini-stroke.  All in all, this was far from the best rest area experience I've had.

Unable to drive further, we pulled off I-75 at Piqua, a small town about 45 minutes north of Dayton (thereabouts.)

Scenic Miami Valley Central Mall/Food Court

We were forced to stay the night at this Comfort Inn, which was attached to the previously-mentioned mall (though we didn't take advantage of it.)  It was more or less like any other Comfort Inn I've ever stayed at.

Our hotel room (I didn't take any pictures of the inside, as Dad was on the bed writhing in agony and that would have been weird.)

I offered to drive Dad to the hospital (or at least call for an ambulance), but he assured me he would be fine so long as he managed to fall asleep.  While he passed in and out of consciousness, I had a few drinks and watched Edge of Tomorrow on HBO.

Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion. . .

- Brian