F*** the British

Happy Independence Day, America.

For the Houghs, the Fourth of July is day to be spent outside - sweating in red, white, and blue clothing, before an evening of lighting sparklers and watching the neighbors shoot off stockpiles of illegal fireworks.  We're not unAmerican or anything, but few could consider us 'Merca!-chanting patriots - we don't buy into the hype all that much.  Most Americans today don't seem to realize that the 4th of July really isn't Independence Day anyway:  only a handful of leaders signed off on the re-drafted Declaration in July of '76 - nearly everyone else waited until much, much later to sign it 'cause they didn't want to sign their own death warrants.

In an effort to give some meaning to the holiday, I recently tried explaining the American Revolutionary War to Alayna, but apparently my five-year-old has a hard time grasping the concepts of Taxation Without Representation and Colonial Imperialism.  Maybe next year.

Anyway, as usual, our Independence Day started off with a morning/afternoon outing to Osprey Park.  Then, once the kids woke up from naps, it was time for swimming and hanging out in the backyard before the evening's barrage of fireworks, sparklers, and preschool freakouts.

So here it is:  Independence Day, Hough-style.

Enjoy:

Arriving at Osprey Park.  Consider our kids 'pumped.'

Osprey Park of Hunter's Creek.  Sadly, their pets are still struggling in their fight for independence.

Miniature flags?  These kids are fans.

Watching some shitty country-rock band.  They were terrible.

Concession stands, crappy game booths, and free-crap-distributing vendors.  Happy Fourth of July, everybody!

A Justice League bounce house. . . which Abby has no interest in entering.

I think it'd be awesome to throw my kids down this thing. . .

Watching Alayna's progress

Back to the JLA bounce house, where Abby finally manned up.

Picking out free sunglasses from some church's booth.

Abby gets her hair 'dyed' pink. . . for $3.  I guess its a good cause, but still. . . you can buy your own can of hair coloring spray for that.

We didn't know if this was a boy or a girl dying Abby's hair.  Kris referred to it as a 'her' while speaking to Abby during the hair-coloring process, and was immediately worried she made a mistake.  What do you think it is?

Prowling for more free crap.

Touch ups

Alayna really wanted her face painted this year, so we relented and let her do it. . . 

By the early afternoon, our kids were exhausted, fuming sweatballs.

Alayna's butterfly

Getting funned out. . .

Arguably the shittiest carnival game of them all. . .

We spent nearly $8 on this stupid game, and all we had to show for it was two gummy-Nerds ropes, two pens, and two of those sticky-hand-on-a-string things, and a ghetto stuffed animal. . . all of which couldn't have cost, collectively, more than $2 to manufacture.

Heading back to the Tactical Family Transport Vehicle, after a long day in the sun. . .

Hey America, look - Kris is texting while driving.  This is against the law.

Post-Nap Time Pop Its in the driveway

Yours Truly shows Alayna - was incredibly crabby upon waking up - how to throw Pop Its

Grumps

Helping Abby detonate her Pop Its

Later on, after swimming and hanging out around the house, we went with the usual 'restaurant' method of giving the girls mix-and-match foods they seem to eat so well (a trick we learned from Mom). . .

Mini cheese pizzas, apples with peanut butter, strawberry cream cheese on graham crackers, and some veggies.  Not a BBQ, - and not very Fourth of July-ish - but hell. . . the kids ate it the crap out of it, so we'll take it.

Abby gets weird. . .

. . . as if Alayna's 'Scary Face' wasn't creepy enough without the facepaint.

Around 8pm, people started shooting off fireworks throughout Ginger Mill. . .

While we watched our neighbors shoot off very impressive pyrotechnics, we Houghs stuck to our traditional arsenal of sparklers, fountain of colored sparks, and the like. . .

The street lights prevented better firework pictures for the most part, but in person they were pretty impressive - the display we viewed tonight was just as good - if not better - than the city fireworks display we used to get back home in Clare and Farwell.  People down here try and out-do each other with illegal fireworks, and drop thousands of dollars into their displays, which last way into the night. . .

The girls were pretty spooked by all the loud noise going off over our house, so we left the garage door open and they came out once and awhile. . . we didn't want to push them.

These are from a house a few doors down the street (that's our front yard palm)

Watching fireworks in the opposite direction

- Brian

Not-Quite Halloweenishness at Osprey Park

Happy Mid-October!

Time for. . . Halloween?

Yeah, around here it is.

Hunter's Creek decided to jump the gun early this year.  I'm not sure why, I didn't ask them.  All I know is that the folks at Osprey Park - in their infinite wisdom - decided to throw their annual Halloween bash this week.

October 13th!  I'm thinking maybe there was a clerical typo of some kind and the numbers were switched around and nobody bothered to check it until it was too late.

(. . . and, of course, hilarity ensues.)

Anyway, we had no choice but to throw the kids into their unfinished Halloween costumes, load them up into Tactical Family Transport Vehicle, and set off for our annual excursion to Hunter Creek's Osprey Park for Halloween Fest '12 (whatever the hell they're calling it these days.)

Behold:

Kris wrangles the Cannonball's Judy Garland pigtails.

Abby channels Flava Flav en route to Osprey. . .

A bounce house with Disney Princesses?!  That's like heroin for our kids.

Abby aptly IDs some of her homegirls. . .

The Trick-or-Treating this year was nothing short of pathetic.  Only a few vendors were giving out candy, and they were all jammed into the same stretch of sidewalk, which created a terrible bottleneck in traffic flow.  AND, to top it all off, all they seemed to be giving out were jawbreakers and suckers.  Thanks a lot, random insurance companies and karate centers. . .

(I decided to go as a bad-ass for Halloween this year.)

. . . Kris didn't feel like dressing up, though

Abby kicks off her marathon bout of candy-inhalation.

The Houghs, waiting for the much-hyped 'Haunted Hay Ride'. . .

. . . which was nothing but a pickup pulling a lawn-care trailer barely filled with hay, driving around a pond with about $60 worth of Halloween decorations scattered around it.

Everyone was thrilled.

The highlight of the 'haunted' hay ride?  The smoke machine blinding our children.  What kid doesn't like being blinded, right?

"Watch out for the pirate wearing overalls, kids!", or "Hey kids, look! - that farmer's wearing a pirate hat. . . for whatever reason."  Take your pick - I don't get what the hell this was supposed to be.

Maybe this was a pirate ship. . .?  I mean, that wooden thing is sorta shaped like a ship's hull, right?  Sure it is.  That could very well be a pirate's skeleton caught in the piratical act of sunbathing, as he was when he was died.  On the shores of this great. . . pond.  In Hunter's Creek.

Hey kids, look!  It's Michael Keaton!  So THAT'S where he's been for the last decade or two - Osprey Park!

More sugar. . .

Taking another candy break. . .

A bunch of parents, waiting around for their chance to throw their kids into a parked fire engine. . .

Abby, content with balancing on the curb. . . something she stops to do EVERYWHERE WE GO.

 

The Cannonball gets behind the wheel. . .

 

You know, we thought for sure Abby would have a royal meltdown with this, but she was actually more at ease in the driver's seat than Alayna was. . .

Sitting in. . . the back seat?  What else would you call this?

 

 

Yet another ruined photo op.

The kids begin to grow restless. . .

(Abby had to be yanked off this stage a few times.)

 

On the prowl for more sugar. . .

At first I thought this was Beatles-themed, but it turns out it wasn't. . . so I have no idea why this particular bounce house had such an enormously long line.  I guess it's because people are idiots.

Wrangling easily-distracted children amidst a sea of shiny objects. . .

Yet another bounce house. . .

Abby snuck her way into the bounce house, scurrying past the ticket-taker and four adults, and had to be snatched up - kicking and screaming - as she began to scale the stairs to the slide.  She wouldn't have gone down the damn thing anyway, though - she would have been content sitting at the top of the slide, screaming at the various children attempting to move past her for their turn and not giving an inch.  More or less 'cause our child is a huge bitch.

 

See the kid behind Alayna?  Totally pushed her down the slide.  So, like any other respectable father would have done, I glared at him so bad when his own turn was over that he ran off whimpering to his parents.  Don't cross swords with a Hough, kid.

Hooligans.

Abby departs to start a new life with a better family.

There is no skill involved in this game.

The kids nab what plunder they can get. . .

Funned out.  Overall, the Halloween festivities at Osprey Park seem to be getting lamer and lamer with each passing year.  But, as you can see from the photographical documentation, the kids were mildly entertained, and that makes OUR job much easier.  So. . . we'll call it a draw, Osprey.  Thanks for the mediocrity.

- Brian