Happy Holidays, Internet. Time to throw another platter on the turntable and feel the Yule. . .
Album Title: A Christmas Sound Spectacular
Album Title: A Christmas Sound Spectacular
Album Artist: John Klein
So I couldn't resist picking this one up from Radio Wasteland: the Santa on the cover totally sold it for me. I mean, look at him. Maybe it's the sultry red decor, maybe its the beaded curtain, or perhaps it's Santa's deer-in-headlights, 'it's not what you think' look on his face. To me, this picture screams 'Santa at the Strip Club.'
I feel like this cover picture is zoomed in and cropped: if you were to zoom out, you'd see a topless stripper off to the left, waiting to give Santa a lap dance. Santa's kicked back in chair, all ready for his holly, jolly lap dance, when all of a sudden the viewer walks in and catches him completely by surprise.
If this isn't what you take away from this cover, there must be something seriously wrong with you. I can't believe the art department got away from this.
Anyway, pervy cover art aside, this album is a hot mess, from start to finish. Not so much the song selection and their arrangements, but rather the execution of them. Have you ever heard the phrase, 'too much of a good thing?' That's a legit phrase, guys, and one that I feel the need to emphasize here in today's post: what we have here, folks, is a too much bells and chimes. Like, a shitload of bells and chimes.
Now, everybody likes chimes and bells in their Christmas carols. Jingle bells, church bells, whatever. It's part of the season, we all get it. What we have here, from John Klein and company, is an over-abundance of bells. Like, instead of the bells serving as a subtle accent, they're front and center stage, playing out the lead melodies themselves. It's too much for the ear to handle.
You wanna know what this sounds like? It sounds like when you go to a middle school band concert and they have some fat kid in the back, in the percussion section, and he gets to hit the chimes with a mallet during a song. Since it's not used very often, he's all excited to play the hell out of them, and pounds on those frickin' chimes like a blacksmith working over an anvil. The crashing bells then reverberate through the gymnasium's shitty acoustics and leaving a permanent ringing in parents' and grandparents' ears that last for weeks.
That's exactly what this album sounds like. If Klein had only dialed it back a bit with the f***ing bells on this one, I feel like this album could be a solid '5' or '6,' but instead I'm leaving this one a '3.'
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to drive out the ringing in my head with a Goddamn bullet.
 |
| Santa's about to get his chestnuts rubbed. |
If this isn't what you take away from this cover, there must be something seriously wrong with you. I can't believe the art department got away from this.
Anyway, pervy cover art aside, this album is a hot mess, from start to finish. Not so much the song selection and their arrangements, but rather the execution of them. Have you ever heard the phrase, 'too much of a good thing?' That's a legit phrase, guys, and one that I feel the need to emphasize here in today's post: what we have here, folks, is a too much bells and chimes. Like, a shitload of bells and chimes.
 |
| No surprises here. |
You wanna know what this sounds like? It sounds like when you go to a middle school band concert and they have some fat kid in the back, in the percussion section, and he gets to hit the chimes with a mallet during a song. Since it's not used very often, he's all excited to play the hell out of them, and pounds on those frickin' chimes like a blacksmith working over an anvil. The crashing bells then reverberate through the gymnasium's shitty acoustics and leaving a permanent ringing in parents' and grandparents' ears that last for weeks.
 |
| Christ. |
That's exactly what this album sounds like. If Klein had only dialed it back a bit with the f***ing bells on this one, I feel like this album could be a solid '5' or '6,' but instead I'm leaving this one a '3.'
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to drive out the ringing in my head with a Goddamn bullet.
VERDICT: 3/10 - Seriously? (S-so. . . m-many. . . BELLS.)
- SHELVED -
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