Teacher Depreciation Week

My wife works at a real, fancy school.

Regardless of the holiday, she always ends up coming home with tons of loot. Christmas, Valentine's Day, President's Day - I don't care what the event may be, she brings home the gift-bagged bacon.

Me? Not so much.

Now, I've got nearly 120 students under my command. She has, oh, 23 or 24. Something like that. While her van can barely contain a day's worth of "thinking of you!," the plunder I receive from my school and my students - throughout the duration of a school year - can usually fit into my pocket.

This was once again illustrated last week, which those in the loop call 'Teacher Appreciation Week.' Preggosaurus works with adorable scamps, and these scamps have parents who can afford to pay the $250 a week daycare costs associated with an upscale daycare facility. As such, these parents aren't afraid to sling about $50 gift cards and mind-blowing gift baskets like 'scuse me ma'dam. Teacher Appreciation Week this year was no exception: gift cards, flowers, chocolates, lotions, candles - general chick stuff in general, but none of it cheap.

An impressive haul, to say the least.

...And what'd I get from my school and my legions of 'adorable scamps'? Check it out:

Gift #1: A Rock

Awesome, a rock! Oh, wait - the rock has a rub-on label on it: "Our Teachers & Staff Rock!" I get it - that's hilarious!! Plus, with a label loosely affixed, the rock is magically transformed into a paperweight! How clever!!

Gift #2: Pad of Paper w/Pen.

Thanks for doing your job. Now here's some things that you can use at home to remind you of doing your job. But at home. Enjoy.

Gift #3: Pen (with a Hand)

Plain ol' pen? I don't think so! This one has a hand where there would otherwise be some sort of convenient clip of some sort. Man, I'm gonna write with this sum'bitch all the time!

Thanks for the appreciation, dearest employers, parents and students. F.Y.I., - next time, I'll take the gift card.

Depressed,

- Brian