Trouble Brewing...

Well, looks like next summer is pretty much shot.

Turns out the Cannonball's getting some competition come late May/early June - a little on the unexpected side, but good news, I suppose. Sure, we have no idea how we're going to pull an extra $800 plus a month of our collective asses yet, but we've wiggled out of tougher scrapes before without a problem - its just a matter of juggling numbers and selling a kidney or two.

This is what I would like all of you out there in CyberSpace to do for me right now: if you would, please do me the courtesy of praying to the God of Babies and imploring him to give me a boy this time around. Nothing against my daughter, of course, but one's enough.

(I'm thinking ahead thirteen years to what this family would be like with two teenage girls running about, slamming doors and making out with douchebag boyfriends... and I honestly don't think my liver can take the abuse I'd be giving it)

Also, while you're praying to this random god, would you also ask him to just give us one baby this time around? Seriously. That's good enough for us, God of Babies, we really don't need two. I know Kris is in line for twins and all, and - speaking from a strictly statistical view of things - I know that we're getting really, really close to ending up with the hot potato this time around, but we're fine and dandy with just the one. Thanks.

If you could pass that on as well, folks, I'd really appreciate it.

Time for a drink.

- Brian

Living at 1400

Hi gangsters,

Last week, Aunt Beepy came down to visit for a couple days with his wife, Sam. As out of town guests, we gave 'em the ol' Florida with the Houghs treatment. We did the whole Disney thing with the Voigts, threw a baby at them, the usual. It was a good ol' time, and everybody had fun.That was last week, though. This week, in start contrast, has not been much fun at all.

Working on my feet seven or eight hours a day has more or less killed my workout regime. By the time I get home, I'm completely sapped of energy. Not that I'm swinging an axe or plowing fields all day or anything, but working with kids and having to constantly walk around a room for that amount of time will kill one's desire to speed home and sweat away access calories.

My solution? The mass murder and annihilation of access calories.

At 5' 9" and 160 lbs, I apparently should be eating 1600 calories a day (roughly) if I'd like to lose 2 lbs a week. Being the overachiever and 'go-getter' that I am, I've been consuming between 1200 and 1400 a day. I don't need to lose much, but I'd like to be back down to 150 - 155, about where I was when I graduated from college. Nothing too crazy.

I've been using this LiveStrong website that keeps tallies on what you've eaten and burned throughout the course of the day has helped me keep track of everything - a couple buddies also use it religiously, and it does help out a lot. I'm losing weight faster than I would've expected, which is cool because I'm getting really, really sick of eating the same meals each and every day. Smoothies, whole wheat grains, and fat/sugar-free everything... though I make room in my daily intake to accommodate the after-work beer or two.

I don't care if it contained 300 calories per bottle... daddy's got needs.

- Brian

Original Gangster (for Kids)

let's try something:

name a children's musician who isn't featured prominently on television. any children's musician, i don't care.

go ahead, think about it. i'll wait.

...

did you answer 'raffi'? you did? good for you! that makes a lot of sense.

now... if you answered someone else other than the raffster, then, alas, you're probably in need of some serious culturing.

raffi. this guy's custom-tailored kiddie jams are the equivelent of ford introducing the Model T: sure, there were other cars out there in 1912, but ford invented the frickin' assembly line, and therefore everybody wanted the model T. they were better made, cheaper, and snazzier (technical term, folks). a similar conclusion can be drawn up for raffi's music compared with that of his competitors: sure, other folks have sung wacky, silly songs for kids, but no one's come close to matching the dude's prowess, creativity, and jammification level.

...and, if they did, then they were straight-up copying raffi. (as a jam-master in a somewhat legendary music affiliation (McGillicutty, 2003), i get the same treatment from haters and the like).

if you have kids, and don't have any of raffi's music, do yourself a favor and go buy some. right now.

furthermore, if you're a teenager and in a crappy, little punk rock band, you can take any one of these songs, amplify them, speed them up a smidge, and - voila! - you have yourself a ready-to-go, punk rock gem.

(you can essentially do the same thing with dr. seuss books, too... but that's a whole other can o' worms.)

i know it seems ridiculous to get this forcible about a children's musician, but lately i've been watching a lot of raffi on an old VHS tape we own. not me so much as my daughter, actually - this kid has become enamored with this G-rated, culinarily-obsessed, canadian thunderforce. randomly, one day, while kris was cleaning the house and i was typing up yet another crap-tastic paper for school, the aforementioned, well-worn tape was dusted off and popped into the VCR. within a matter of seconds, the walking disaster bomb that is our daughter stopped seeking out destruction of all things valuable around our house and, miraculously, was sitting down in her chair in front of the TV... dancing and clapping along to this obscure, musical reference.

she's fifteen months old. this has never happened before.

now, we've tried getting her into all kinds of crap since the day she was born - muppets, baby einsteins, you name it - but so far she's been resilient to the onslaughts of children's programming... until now. she's always had an affection for music, and i attribute this to the fact that her old man is a licensed JamMaster (McGillicutty, 2003). i don't know for sure if its the song-singin', the throwback '80s footage of audience members and their outdated tastes in fashion, or, simply, the star attraction's imam-ish beard.

whatever it is, though, one thing's for certain: this kid is hooked on raffi. and not that that's bad either, folks - kris and i were both raised on the guy's music, as i'm sure a ton of you folks out there were as well. having a little kid captivated by the guy who wrote bananaphone is, in my opinion, way better than having a kid take interest in a certain, fuzzy red character - who's name i will purposely not mention - who is only famous because it stole grover's career out from under him.

...and so now, as we speak, kris and i are desperately searching out other raffi DVDs. in all honesty, if i have to listen to this 30 minute concert tape of his one more, Goddamn time - brush your teeth, the more we get together, down by the bay, wheels on the bus, baby beluga, repeat repeat repeat repeat - i'm going to drive a screwdriver into my ear.

word to your moms,

- brian

McGillicutty, Officer (2003). Badtastical jammologists in adventure music: a study of official jammasters in correlation with total jam-sweetness in the adventure genre. Kalamazoo, MI: Jambox Publishing.